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#113425 - 04/03/07 12:19 PM
Re: separated, but not divorced
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Member
Registered: 08/25/05
Posts: 1052
Loc: Ohio
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I don't see how someone could stay with an abuser or cheating spouse simply because of money. My husband was cheating and he actually said at one time that we would get back together for financial reasons. I said I'd live on the street before that would happen.
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Laura
laurapoplin.com
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#113426 - 04/03/07 03:56 PM
Re: separated, but not divorced
[Re: Daisygirl]
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Member
Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 789
Loc: Aptos, California
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One of my clients has been in this situation for over 2 years. The problem is very complex, but it has to do with medical insurance (he's covered under her policy) and his unwillingness (inabiity?) to sell their joint home. She's moved out. In this case, she's the one with the income, but would lose too much if they went through the divorce process.
It's coming to a head, however, and I fully anticipate it will end this year. It has definitely kept her dead in her tracks from starting a new life. She's still attached to her husband.
I had to pay my husband a monthly stipend for his portion of the house after we were divorced. When I sold that house, one of the checks I wrote with glee was his final payment.
It's a difficult situation. Does the woman have children? Can she get a lawyer to get her a decent settlement? Can she get a job and support herself? If not, what can she do to move forward to getting a job?
Handling your own finances is part of starting a new life. That means everything from budgeting to handling insurance to living in a place you can afford.
OK, off my soapbox! :-))
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Casey Dawes Wise Woman Shining Supporting women business owners to step into their power as business leaders.
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#113427 - 04/03/07 08:58 PM
Re: separated, but not divorced
[Re: Casey]
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Queen of Shoes
Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
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It's a safety net for some women. They are worried about another failed relationship and fall back on this as a way to not let it happen.
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If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice. www.eadv.netBoomer Queen of Shoes
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#113430 - 04/03/07 11:58 PM
Re: separated, but not divorced
[Re: Louisa]
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Member
Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 3503
Loc: Colorado
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I'm not sure what this means : "simply because of money." Money is a complex issue. Money means health insurance or not, gas in the car or not, a phone to call for support or not, clothes to interview for a new job or not, water bill, electric bill, gas bill, heating cooling and showering. I really don't think money is an excuse. It is an actual factual reason for staying in a relationship.
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#113432 - 04/04/07 01:50 PM
Re: separated, but not divorced
[Re: Anno]
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Member
Registered: 01/24/05
Posts: 1550
Loc: Colorado
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Lenora, I totally hear ya Hon. I'm dealing with the financial fallout of being single.
Anno, this is one of the things I've identified as being a mistake I made. Giving up my life to raise my family.
I've determined that in my next marriage - that I will be a financial partner - not dependant.
danita
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#113433 - 04/04/07 04:41 PM
Re: separated, but not divorced
[Re: Danita]
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Member
Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 789
Loc: Aptos, California
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I'm not sure the mistake is in giving up our lives to raise our families. There is value in that -- unfortunately, our society doesn't see any monetary value in that.
If we are in a relationship, it's important that everyone understands what's going on -- that there is value in the house work and the raising of children. And that if the marriage disolves for any reason, there is payment of some type for that work. (yes, yes, I know I'm a dreamer...)
It's also important, that as women, we retain a sense of who we are and continue to grow. It's really hard to do in the busyness of raising kids, dealing with husband's careers, etc. But it is so important that we exercise the muscle that says we are independent people and to spend time on ourselves (and not only in shopping and spa treatments) to insure we are growing. Too many women are still uninterested and unaware of family finances, business, and their own interests.
I agree with Anno, that getting her finances in order, developing a budget and getting a plan to get financially free is the first step.
_________________________
Casey Dawes Wise Woman Shining Supporting women business owners to step into their power as business leaders.
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