JJ, thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I'm sorry you had to deal with a pathological liar, almost to the point of danger. I've been studying the difference between pathological & compulsive lying. Pathological is when the liar does not care about the feelings of another. My h cares about my feelings else he would not go to counseling. Or maybe he's just scared of the big Divorce. Well, my father was a pathological liar, and I can see the difference. Whatever, lies are lies, and my husband's lies are plural. I spent more than an hour after work last night undoing some of his hidden secrets re: finances. How did I get into this? At the time we met, he was the most decent kind and civil man I had ever met. Keep in mind that before I was 30 I had not met a lot of decent guys! I think his lying is getting worse due to stress. The more stress, the more lies, the more lies, the more stress. I can't wait to see the counselor, although I'm not sure that anything can be fixed.

if your not sure if nything can be fixed are you going to conselling as some sort of closer on the marrige or a fact finding mission to establish the truth of the last lot of yrs.
Or are you viewing your couples councelling as something diffrent from him going to his councelling alone to get his behaviour fixed. Do you think he can fix his own stuff and return partlie to the person he was...
i hope thats not a bombardment of too personal questions for the forum, you dont have to answere lyunn, even if its just questions for your own knowlage then thats fine..

Celtic, I have been very open on these forums, and my life is literally an open book. For decades I was silenced. When I found my voice, I found a mission to speak so that others will see that they are not alone. Right now this minute I do not feel that counseling is for the purpose of "closure." Call me naive, but I am not ready to totally give up on my husband and our marriage. Yes, he absolutely has eliminate his lying in order for the relationship to continue. I'm just glad that counseling is available. We'll see. Meanwhile, I have further complications which I will post in another forum. Thanks for caring to ask.

im delighted to hear its not about closure for you lynn and i dont consider you niave...i got great faith in peoples abilitie to change, ven some preetie awfull thing I bet you of most of us know that we have this capacitie. As much as i dont belive everie one can allthough i know most could...some do and thats fact. I wouldn't give a general yep he change or a general no he wont as i dont know the man and how can anyone say how its gonna go. I glad to hear your going in with a open mind.
i just dind't want to jump to any conclusions so thought i would aske you all the things i thought it might be from your last posts and how you been sounding regarding direction...and you know me... i aske the questions but wouldnt want anyone to feel presure or put on the spot about answereing any of them especillie publicly, even if most of your life an open book.
it my manners lol

Well, Celtic, I appreciate your manners. You give people a lot of space to make decisions for themselves. In matters of importance, my husband's lying has been pre-empted by the learning of my mother's terminal cancer. Yes, my husband will see the counselor before I go see my mother in another state. There's a saying in the states: when it rains, it pours.

we got the same saying heer, but bye wellentions and a raincoat, at lest psychic ones lol

auck i so sorrie to hear about your mum that is a lot for anyone person to deal/cope with...but yet one must somehow.

Princess, sorry to hear about Mom's cancer. Are you going to be close to Baltimore? Is she in PA?

Lynnie,
I am so sorry to hear about you mother and if anything I can do let me know . I will keep you in my prayers . What is the old saying when it rains it pours . Something like that .

Take care , Blessings,

Renee

Hi Dotsie, you have a good memory. No, my mother and step father retired in AZ. I am leaving soon. And, my husband and I had a good first session with the marriage counselor. There is hope and promise. L, PL

Quote:

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Gimster said: Men are often times (maybe more times than that) just kids in big bodies."

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I agree.

Lenora, looking at your Hubby that way may help understand him a bit.

Next time he lies, try to picture him as a short little guy, slingshot in his back pocket, and one hand lost in a cookie jar while he peeks out through the pantry door, ready to say he's looking for his ball that rolled in through the crack. Ha!

Don't all men lie to avoid a confrontation? I don't think I've ever met any other kind.