You're gonna make it princess, you are a survivor like myself. We somehow come out on top and are better people for it.

Like my daughter told me, no matter what happens between you and your hubby, you will still be you and I think you're pretty great!

Lenora, I wish I knew some magic words that I could share to make this all better for you, but I sure don't. However, I do know that your eyes are wide open and you won't stand for disrespect. I am praying that you have the strength to do what's in YOUR best interest...whatever that may be.

Lenora, Every one of those women felt the same way about maybe Oprah will discover their books, and HEY, she did, so why not your book??

in the ten yrs you spent working but not earning...that type of work your talking about losses no respect in my eyes, getting oveer childhood tramue....hmmmm...paying job....hmmm paying job might be a lot easier, volenter work, emailing and aiding fellow survivers,,,,that type of thing should carrie a wage but it dosent...

Pitie Princess, but i sure you put the same determinasion into the new venture as you did all the rest....then how can you not be succesfull?..how indeed!

Wow, all of you women are so kind and supportive. Chatty, thanks for the vote of confidence re: Oprah & my book! Celtic, you're so right: facing the childhood trauma was very hard work. Dotsie, disrespect is a good word. My husband is all about being respected and respecting others, so why not me? He has redeeming qualities. Today he said he is not resistent to therapy at all. He wants to do whatever it takes. He knows that when he buys things we can't afford it is usually a purchase made over a bottle of wine. He knows that alcohol loosens inhibitions. But he lies whether drunk or sober. He listened while I read to him the information I gained on compulsive lying from the internet. The saga will continue. I am glad I have you friends to discuss this with. I have a close friend I confided in on Saturday. Mostly, though, I am good at pretending all is well.

Pretend no more Lenora.
You said that you are not financially self-sufficient.
Girl, next week open up a bank account, just under your name only. Save....while things sort out over time.

I'm sorry, frankly every woman should sock away some money under their own name, that they have rightfully earned.

Lenora,

I am so sorry. Please know that if you need ANYTHING - that you can call me night or day. REALLY. If you need a place to come away to - my door is always open.

I will be praying for you.......

hugs,

danita

Lynnie, I am so sorry you are going through this. Dealing with an unhealthy marriage is very draining. I put off counseling for too many years, but finally made the decision to go. I went alone and then the counselor asked to see my husband and I let him make the decision whether or not to call. He did and he went. We've gone togther twice and each on our own twice. We still argue and get on each other's nerves but it doesn't feel as damaging as before. We each know that we are committed to making it better because "till death do us part". Love is a decision and vows should be kept. I will pray that you will both take your vows seriously and get the help you need. Yes, you must do it for yourself but you and W are one flesh and you should also be doing it for him. It sounds like he is an alcoholic and probably passive-aggressive. I just read a book called "Co-dependent no more" and boy, have I been co-dependent! I had no idea what it meant but I see that's how I've lived for as long as I could remember. It sounds like you have some of those tendencies as well, which makes perect sense, given your childhood.
You're a beautiful, loving and giving soul and I know that God will bless you and W, if you work together with Him.
Peace, love and (((HUGS)), dear Lynnie.

Thanks for the responses. Is love a decision? If so, I have not decided not to love him. Blue, I'm glad to hear you and your husband are working things out. L

Oh my Lynnie. I had no idea. I don't know how I missed this post, but I did. I dated a guy one time for over a year who was a pathological AND compulsive liar. Even when confronted with the true, with the truth staring him in the face, tangible proof, he would lie. It was unbelievable. I finally realized that he was sick, emotionally. As it turned out, he was dangerously sick. I won't go into any details, just leave it at that.

Once we quit dating, others came forward (where were these "friends" before?) and told me about his history. I was a lucky woman to disengage myself from him.

I wish I had some words of wisdom to add to what's been said but I do not. I will say that I agree with the thought that you have to be the one who lives YOUR life. Not him. YOU have to decide what is best for YOU, not him. Only you know your heart.

What I AM wondering is how in the heck have you put up with this for so long. Girl, you are one strong woman. But then again, just like the guy I dated, I wanted to believe in him, I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. So I guess we give them our hearts on a silver platter and say, "Here ya go, here's my heart, I believe in you, let's try it again." Sigh...

I DO believe the counseling will help REVEAL things; I'm just not so sure it will be instrumental in healing them. I will be praying for you both!