"We must be willing to get rid
of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is
waiting for us."

Joseph Campbell

I know some women who are holding on to the life they planned even though it's not working. I wish they had the courage to step out, try going about life a bit differently, and creating a new life that suits their midlife. I know it's not easy. It takes courage to make changes, but sometimes in the end, it's so worth it.

Dotsie, don't you think this is a perfrect example of:

Until you walk a mile in our shoes, do not judge us.

You are one of the most fortunate of women, who has a loving husband, alive, not dead, not a cheater or an abuser.

You have nice children, not deliquents or drug addicts.

You own your own busines, don't have a miserable boss or fellow employees hasseling you.

A comfortable income due to husband being a professional man, not having to be afraid of layoffs, firings or down sizing.

You take many vacations to unwind when necessary from your exceptionally comfortable surroundings.

I bet if those women you speak of could make a change for the better in their lives, they would become YOU!!!

You missed my point entirely Anne dear, and Dotsies too if I may be so bold as to assume I got her point. But thats okay, you did it your way!!!

My plan is to have no plan.

No not really,... I wish it were that way, though. I guess acceptance should be part of a plan,...but I am far away from that too.

You are right Anne, now a days it is wise to plan for old age. Just hoping for the best doesn't help anyone.

I thought I would marry a farmer have several children.. assist with lambs chickens and bake /cook and have all my relations home in stay over and life would go on like this.
Indeed this was what my dear aunt did and in shaping me and my identity I picked up the bits that appealed to me.
My Cinderella fairy tale...we all have them...and our dream of Prince.
some of us meet the Prince and create a new book..or continue our quest in other ways.

I did not marry my farmer...

What makes me content is that I FEEL I fit the life that is meant.That this landscape is mine..that through my own empowerment I have shaped areas through living through the times I was born into..I have left a fingerprint on my area of education..planted a few trees..loved a good man and together created a family.
I was taught to be law abiding work hard ..be a good neighbour and importantly to "HAND IT OVER" which for me is being patient and seeing what is Scottish terms "What pans out"or "wait and see how thr boolies roll"

I do work at problem solving in my daily life and access help when issues arrive where outside agencies can have deeper knowledge on any situation.

Well I can tell you that the life I had planned especially for my elder years sure isn't what I'm living. My husband died and with his passing went "ALL" my plans for my future.

Do I still have a future, of course, but sometimes whether we are willing to "let go" of our plans or not, the decision is ripped from our hands, as was mine...

I'd consider my life somewhat disappointing.

With mom dying at a young age (both mine and hers) I feel that really changed several of us...Dad, my next older sister, and my younger brother. My oldest sister seemed to have done "ok".

I really feel that devastations at a young ages, or early in our marriages, can honestly effect how we make choices in our later years.

I agree Di. Abuse, death, devastation of any kind at an early age completely alters us and the course we take - and forever colours the way we look at life...it mangles our thinking in so many countless rippling ways.

I've seen it in others who lost a parent at a young age. I know people who never recovered their sense of stability or ability to find a healthy, creative way to fill those holes enough to live a reasonably healthy, happy life. They were forever chasing "something" that even they didn't know the name or face of.

My life has been a long and winding road, full of detours and potholes and quicksand that I would never want to have to live through again. But, it was what it was, and the only way to find joy here-and-now is to recognize that everything led me to who, where and what I am now, and it's ok. I like it here-and-now. And what I don't like, I now know it's my responsibility - nobody else's - to change my choices and direction and create/recreate/evolve my life into one I like and enjoy living.

I wouldn't want to go back, though I do have a long list of things I would do differently...but I continue to let go of whatever youthful dreams/hopes/aspirations I might not have realized yet, and concentrate on all the dreams/hopes and accomplishments I DID achieve thus far.

It's a thought-provoking question, Dotsie. It's difficult for anyone whose life was traumatized at an early age not to wade through all the "what ifs" and yearn for the relationships and opportunities that were forever stolen by catastrophic deaths, abuse or trauma.

Okay, I looked at this quote from a very spiritual point of view. I believe we can make our own plans without considering what God has called us to in this life. When doing so, we can be living by the seat of our pants. This quote reminded me of how important God's plans are for our lives; to set aside what we think is best, and ponder with God, what he's put us on this planet to do for Him, ourselves, and for the good of others.

Thoughts?

A faith stance changes everything. If we truly believe that God loves us and has a specific purpose for us, then we can trust that He will and does use everything in our lives to evolve the mindset, the skills and the qualities we need to fulfill that purpose. If you want to work in a specific field, everything you choose to do is pretty much geared toward the end goal...being able to learn as much about that field as you need and then going out and using that learning, experience and mindset to performing that work. Why should it be any different when we're talking about God and His purpose for us? He knows what we will need while performing His work, so He makes sure that our learning, experiences and mindset are honed and directed in that direction. We don't always see it at the time, but I think that whenever we look at anything with the eyes of faith and with trust that He does know us and knows what He's doing, it changes everything.

I do believe. I believe that everything that's happened in my life is being used by God to help others...my unique blend of experience, history, skills/gifts and mindset have been honed, evolved and carved out of everything that has happened to me, every relationship that has touched my life and every inspiring word/song/thought/book I've encountered along the way. And it's all ultimately meant to help me help others who need help to come in a way that only I can bring it, precisely because of my life history and experience.

That makes everything sacred. Everything becomes sacred, even the darkest patches of the soul, when God can reach in and carve those patches and flaws and "mistakes" and choices into something that exactly reflects the light and love He needs us to shine into someone else's life.