Nope... I don't mean pizza.

Don't stone me for being a tad bit dark, ladies.

As many of you know, I've been wallering around in self-pity lately with writer's block as big as all outdoors. I told someone today that every time I write, it sounds like my obituary. I said that maybe if I'd just write it and get it out of the way, I could actually get back to business as normal.

So, here it is. My epitaph.

"Here lies Sherri Lynn. She was gorgeous, thin, had huge boobs and men everywhere fell at her feet. She was a Pullitzer Prize winning author and a self-made millionaire that knitted blankets for the homeless in her spare time out of recycled Wal-Mart bags. She was on the verge of discovering a cure for every major disease in the free world when she took her last breath. She will be greatly missed."

Hey... I figure I'm six feet under. The generations to come will have no choice but to believe what they read on my tombstone. Why not take a few liberties???

Why not just put here lies Mother Teresa's spawn?

(teeheeeeeee)

Not a bad idea!

So where's yours JJ??????

Sher,
If I don't step awayyyyy from the Oreo's, it's gonna read, "these two plots hold our beloved Queen Jaw Jaw."

eeek!

JJ

You two are fun!

Leave it to me to take this post and make it serious.

I once took a class and part of it involved writing our obituaries.

Sounds weird, but it was an eye opener. What do we want people to say about us when we're gone?

Soul searching time...

Now I'm just waiting for the queen to blast me away with something funny...then we can get serious about this...maybe?

Loved the topics!

I like what the late Bette Davis said when asked what she wanted on her tombstone..."She did it the hard way!"

nope, gonna fool ya on this one Dots...Reading what you said gave me pause for reflection.

What DO I want it to say? This boils down to what do I want to be remember for? I'd say I want to be remembered for:

for kindness and unconditional love toward others

for helping my fellow man and animals without being asked to do so

for picking someone up, just when they didn't think they could do it one more time, for making people smile or laugh

but mostly

for the person who could put 6 (count um!) SIX Oreo's in her mouth at one time without flinching! What? You thought I would let it go? fat chance...

JJ

How do you chew and swallow SIX OREOS AT A TIME??? Do you dunk 'em in milk first?

I remember finding a bunch of epitaths from a century ago online. Some were absolutely hysterical. Here are a few I found:

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:
Here lies
Ezekial Aikle
Age 102
The Good
Die Young.



In a London, England cemetery:
Ann Mann
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767



In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.



Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
Here lies
Johnny Yeast
Pardon me
For not rising.



Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:
Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.



In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
Here lays Butch,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.



A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery:
Sacred to the memory of
my husband John Barnes
who died January 3, 1803
His comely young widow, aged 23, has
many qualifications of a good wife, and
yearns to be comforted.



A lawyer's epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.



Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:
I was somebody.
Who, is no business
Of yours.



Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880's. He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona:
Here lies Lester Moore
Four slugs from a .44
No Les No More.



In a Georgia cemetery:
"I told you I was sick!"



John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:
Reader if cash thou art
In want of any
Dig 4 feet deep
And thou wilt find a Penny.



On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, Virginia:
She always said her feet were killing her
but nobody believed her.



In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
On the 22nd of June
- Jonathan Fiddle -
Went out of tune.



Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont has an epitaph that sounds like something from a Three Stooges movie:
Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.



More fun with names with Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England:
Gone away
Owin' more
Than he could pay.



Someone in Winslow, Maine didn't like Mr. Wood:
In Memory of Beza Wood
Departed this life
Nov. 2, 1837
Aged 45 yrs.
Here lies one Wood
Enclosed in wood
One Wood
Within another.
The outer wood
Is very good:
We cannot praise
The other.



On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket, Massachusetts:
Under the sod and under the trees
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod:
Pease shelled out and went to God.



The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is almost a consumer tip:
Who was fatally burned
March 21, 1870
by the explosion of a lamp
filled with "R.E. Danforth's
Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"



Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903--Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
the car was on the way down. It was.



In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.

Swallow um?

Girl...these were hilarious! They belong under the Laughter thing too. What fun reading them.

JJ

LOL! Those were so funny.

I've often said that I prefer to be stuffed, like some kind of Stone Cold Barbie. That way I could keep an eye on things.

I wrote a story some time back about checking out after I found a website called Life Gem. You can read the story by clicking here and be sure you click on the link there to visit Life Gem. You absolutely won't believe how these folks are making a buck.

My Daddy always says, "Every day on this side of the grass is a good one".