I wonder if anyone else finds it difficult to develop new friendships at this time of life? Due to caregiving my mother (very isolating when it is 24/7) and then a 'sickness' of my own I have been very isolated and virtually housebound for 7 years. A couple of old friends have hung in there with me but now I am ready to get out and involved with the world again. I have been thinking about how I made friends in the past and it was usually at my job or thru involvement in my kids activities, How do you do it now? It seems anyone I meet is busy with their family (I have none here other than by hubby) and old friends. I'd be interested in how others expand their life now.

I'm in the same situation, Greene. I had lots of friends while I was working or involved in various church activities, but a series of deaths, bouts of depression, physical relocations and leaving work all took their toll. When a breakdown forced me to leave work (and subsequently retire early), I too became isolated and housebound, and still have not been able to find friends. I'm still plagued with oftimes severe fatigue which makes even volunteer work impossible, we travel a lot, and we're in a neighbourhood where most of our neighbours don't speak English. So I too am finding it near-impossible to make friends.

It is so good to hear that from you. I often wonder if there is something wrong with me that gets in the way or if I maybe am just not 'likable' anymore. I think many of the friends we develop at work turn out to be what I call 'friends of convenience' and seem to fall by the wayside once we quit. I too dealt with severe depression for a few years (now happily managed by the right drugs). Its sad that when you isolate because of that the reality is when you are ready to 'pop' back into a full life the full life just isn't there waiting for you. Thank goodness I am married to my best friend, I can't imagine navigating through this time without that on my side. Still there is the need for girlfriends to share life and times with.
I know it sounds selfish to say I was glad to hear someone was in the same situation, I hate that others are hurting. BUT, it is also a tremendous relieve to hear that I am not alone in this aloneness. Thanks
Is the fatigue you struggle with from a physical problem or the fatigue that accompanies depression?

When I moved to the south in 2000, I joined a Newcomer's Club. It was the 1st move I had made without children (which automatically involve you with schools, neighbors, church, etc. I met a lot of people that were in my same situation (away from family, needing friendship.) I met a lot of really sweet people and have kept contact with several since moving back. I now volunteer with a local Community House that is always working on something. I pick and choose the things I care to get involved in and have met some real caring people. As a result, I have made some personal friendships with a few of my new acquaintances that I have found common interests with. That's what has worked for me - I know volunteering seems demanding - but you just set your limits and work within them. If you have to cancel for some reason, there are usually plenty of people that take up the slack. Right now, we're making craft items for the Christmas Boutique. We meet on alternating Wed. and Fri. and work on simple crafts for a few hours. Some of the ladies are very artistic - thankfully - I just follow their instructions.They can't 'fire' you!! The cook at our senior center always says - we're all making the same here $00.00

Greene, I know exactly what you mean when you say you're glad to hear someone else shares the same difficulty...I too find the same comfort, and hope to learn from others' experiences. This fatigue has plagued me to some degree since the early 80's, just after I had mono and meningitis. In the mid-80's, I had my first major depression, but even then there was speculation that it was a relapse of the former illnesses. For decades, I've managed to overcome it and live a fairly useful, meaningful life, but in 2002, had a major phycial breakdown...could not even go up our stairs without assistance. We never found a physical reason for the fatigue, though the doctor contuously checks out possibilities. One specialist told me that severe fatigue IS common for people who have had meningitis, something I never knew before.

I've tried becoming involved in outside activities, and some days can do really well, in fact can have very good days and weeks. Then it hits like a brick wall without warning and I'm almost bedridden for days at a time. Very baffling, and very much a nuisance.

Anyway, I don't want this thread to be about me and my fatigue...just to share that those are factors in my inability to establish, but even more to maintain, friendships. I just simply don't have the energy to get out and do the things that sustain a friendship. That's why I'm online, can do it within my limits and according to whatever energy is available at the time.

I have become more and more isolated, with caring for Dennis. I find that most work friends do not hang in there after work ends. I do worry about that a bit, when I retire.

I do have two old pals that I see occasionally, and another couple that I connect with via internet, but it's not the same, is it?

I used to travel all over by myself. I always met people when I did that. We met in lines at the airport, at the hotel pool, lobby, etc., in restaurants, etc. Would doing those same type of activities in my hometown result in meeting new people that would become friends? It's very hard to say.

The joy of childhood friendships is wonderful..just watching how children engage after that time when they play alone within groups is refreshing.evolving into connecting with another

we all have different personalities some like several friends others like special best friends..People are irreplacable and my friends who have passed on leave a void..

at present two good woman friends are ill..one with cancer and another has had a stroke and paralysed..both in hospital and longing to be home..I long for them to do so..
maybe its easy to continue to make friends here..in a small community..many of us remain local and its base camp for others who return to visit family..
my class in school had 42 students..most of us still have high regards for each other when we meet..I have never had to move to a new area and establish a social group..that must be hard..
I have had to move move workplace several time and always network and remain friendly with most people..
I feel content and happy on my own..and cannot recall ever having been lonely..
I would always include a new person when they appear in any group I am in..friendships build up from these connections

I'm sorry for your close friends who are ill, Mountain Ash.
Wonder how many of us have had close friends who have passed away. It hasn't happened to me yet --considering the fact, that the oldest close friend is 71.

So far since moving to Vancouver several yrs.ago, still only pleasant acquaintances here. I have done things with these more distant friends but they don't really know some of the more significant things that have happened in my life. They don't live too far away...a bike ride away. (And yes, each woman bikes.) Such things take time.

So the closer, long-term friends are living thousands of kms. away.

The most important thing to me whenever I ever feel lonely, is to know that there are several people in this world, who do bless me with their love already. Just to have knowledge that one is already loved and appreciated by several people, makes the journey less dull.

I think I am lucky in that I always meet people, and some of them become friends. I don't consciously look for anyone, but they find me or I find them.

I always think that I have the right amount of friends, whatever that number would be.

But this isn't very helpful for the original question. I don't have full-time physical limitations, other than working too much. In order to meet people, you have to be where people are -- and that means going outside and having the time to know someone.

Easy for me to say. But not so easy to do if one is a full-time caretaker, or has serious depression.

I understand Merideth..a friend can be someone you connect with..one woman at the library seemed cold...we took our time getting to know each other and now I look forward to seeing her.

We can exchange our books at any library in the area and this was a library I use when the weather is bad and perhaps she takes time to get used to new people..and I actually like this smaller library as I too have learned more...we can get used to how we relate to people and a gentle reminder to make connections with new people was my learning here.