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    BWS Stories - "You Keep On Playing Those Mind Games"...From Depression to Hope

    "You Keep On Playing Those Mind Games"...From Depression to Hope - Through the Darkness and into the Light

    Karen B.


    Through the Darkness and into the Light

    I found myself pregnant at a young age and married to my long time boyfriend. We were brought up in a church where when something like this happened, marriage was the only right thing to do. In a few months, I gave birth to my oldest daughter.

    While we were dating, I should have known that being hit was not right. But, being young and not knowledgeable of the world, I did not. He started drinking and using drugs, and before my oldest was born, I was hit causing a premature birth.

    I guess I did not know this was abuse which, in today's society, seems so odd. He hit me once again before my second daughter was born. As time went by, it only got worse. I was afraid to say or do anything if I thought it would upset him. The years went by and the pain only increased.

    To me, there seemed to be no way out. I protected my children, and yet…where could I go? From having my head pounded on a cement driveway to being taunted in public, as well as in private, I stayed. On one occasion, he dragged me with the car in motion and all because I felt he was too drunk to drive. He had to have things his way and that meant from having his meat cut-up on a plate, to the children not being able to make a sound after he got home from work. Money was rationed and I had to account for every penny. He hid the money, and if I found it, he would hide it again in a new place.

    He never participated with the children and I was alienated from my family. But still, I was too afraid to do anything. I had felt the blows from his fists too many times. After some time had elapsed, I did try to fight back, only to be punished again and again.

    Told I was worthless and no one would want me if I did leave, so one night I confronted him and told him to listen to me—to talk to me. My weight was low and so was my self-esteem. But for the sake of my children, I had no choice and knew I had to try. Once again, I was thrown against the wall and told, "If you leave, I will kill you, and then kill myself." And he added that then the children would have no one.

    I waited for him to leave the next morning. I woke my children and took them to school. I then called a lawyer, went to the bank, then kept the appointment with the lawyer. I was on my own with two little girls and had no idea where we were going, but I felt safe for the first time in years. We survived. I took the first step. We went on to have happy, productive lives all because, I took that first step.

    I have chosen to let you into my personal past for a reason and that reason is that back then, there were no places to go for safety, no one to listen, it seemed. Now there are, and if you are a person who is being victimized physically, or emotionally, PLEASE get the help and assistance that you need. Make a call and change your life. It’s not worth the pain and suffering you’re enduring. For yourself, and for your children’s sake if you have them, do this. I was lucky I got out in time. But I know in the depths of my soul if I had stayed, someone would have not survived.

     
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