|BWS Stories - "You Keep On Playing Those Mind Games"...From Depression to Hope|
"You Keep On Playing Those Mind Games"...From Depression to Hope - Through the Darkness and into the Light
Through the Darkness and into the Light
I found myself pregnant at a young
age and married to my long time boyfriend. We were brought up in a church where
when something like this happened, marriage was the only right thing to do. In
a few months, I gave birth to my oldest daughter.
While we were dating, I should have
known that being hit was not right. But, being young and not knowledgeable of
the world, I did not. He started drinking and using drugs, and before my oldest
was born, I was hit causing a premature birth.
I guess I did not know this was
abuse which, in today's society, seems so odd. He hit me once again before my
second daughter was born. As time went by, it only got worse. I was afraid to
say or do anything if I thought it would upset him. The years went by and the
pain only increased.
To me, there seemed to be no way
out. I protected my children, and yet…where could I go? From having my head
pounded on a cement driveway to being taunted in public, as well as in private,
I stayed. On one occasion, he dragged me with the car in motion and all because
I felt he was too drunk to drive. He had to have things his way and that meant from
having his meat cut-up on a plate, to the children not being able to make a
sound after he got home from work. Money was rationed and I had to account for
every penny. He hid the money, and if I found it, he would hide it again in a
He never participated with the
children and I was alienated from my family. But still, I was too afraid to do
anything. I had felt the blows from his fists too many times. After some time
had elapsed, I did try to fight back, only to be punished again and again.
Told I was worthless and no one
would want me if I did leave, so one night I confronted him and told him to listen
to me—to talk to me. My weight was low and so was my self-esteem. But for the
sake of my children, I had no choice and knew I had to try. Once again, I was
thrown against the wall and told, "If you leave, I will kill you, and then
kill myself." And he added that then the children would have no one.
I waited for him to leave the next
morning. I woke my children and took them to school. I then called a lawyer,
went to the bank, then kept the appointment with the lawyer. I was on my own
with two little girls and had no idea where we were going, but I felt safe for
the first time in years. We survived. I took the first step.
We went on to have happy, productive lives all because, I took that first step.
I have chosen to let you into my personal past for a reason
and that reason is that back then, there were no places to go for safety, no
one to listen, it seemed. Now there are, and if you are a person who is being
victimized physically, or emotionally, PLEASE get the help and assistance that
you need. Make a call and change your life. It’s not worth the pain and
suffering you’re enduring. For yourself, and for your children’s sake if you
have them, do this. I was lucky I got out in time. But I know in the
depths of my soul if I had stayed, someone would have not survived.