It was very difficult to understand that God was love and not some giant waiting for me to step out of line so He could smash me like a ant on the sidewalk. Dr. Bob had to first, get rid of all the shame-inducing thoughts put in my head by my parents, before I could wrap myself around that idea. All they had taught me was, I better shape up or was going to burn in hell for eternity. Now, that's a downer! They also threw the scripture in my face about honoring your parents (forgot the read down further where God instructs parents to not provoke your children unto anger) but they always told me that when they died, I would be sorry. So, even in their death, I was going to feel awful and go to hell. It wasn't until I was in my 40's that my mom tried that again and I told her I could die before her so how would she feel?

So, is it any wonder I was attracted to an abuser? I needed someone who would continue to punish me. I felt like I needed and deserved it.