Well, ladies, there is never a dull moment around here, and believe me, my deathly pale,saggy,wrinkled,swollen purple-circles-under-the-eyes face is proof of that. The cat is finally out of the bag. The universe seems to be coming down around the soon-to-be-ex's shoulders. I almost feel sorry for him... Nah.

Get this: his lady-friend sent him a dear john letter this week (supervised by her angry husband)supposedly calling it quits after about 4 years of hot and heavy, then her husband sends him a threatening letter that says basically we are trying to work things out and you'd better stay away from my wife forever or else. So my husband puts together 2 + 2 and gets 5. He sends me a copy of her husbands letter to him and tells me that it is all my fault! Wow! Somehow he decided that I must have been the one who went berserk and hunted down the woman and her husband (- who I did not even know existed until he called me,) and that I must have made completely false accusations about the two of them which ticked off her husband and started this whole nasty and somewhat dangerous chain of events. He is angry because he says that her husband is a crazed ex-cop and that now I have put her and her son in danger. This is absolutely amazing. Not a word from him about taking responsibility for his own deceit, or acknowledging how gut-wrenching getting that surprise phone call from her husband must have been for me and our kids. No. He is concerned only for himself and his girlfriend, and clearly willing to place the blame on anyone but himself.

I emailed him back that it was in fact her husband who hunted ME down and left the fateful phone message that my children intercepted, which revealed that their father had been having a relationship with this woman for several years. I told him that this was not my drama,I want no part of it and to kindly leave me and our children out of it. I have been doing damage control all week to prevent the children from having a total breakdown,losing their tempers and eliminating their father from their lives forever.

The man is a complete sociopath, and I can't believe that I have been married to this jerk for 20 years. By the way, according to this woman's husband, that's exactly how long she and my husband have know each other. Lovely,eh?

We have a mediation scheduled for this week, and I am afraid that he will be completely freaked out and try everything in his power to make things as difficult as they can possibly be.

Please pray for me and my kids....

foundhervoice-atlast

I will pray. Unbelievable. What a loser.

Same here. Keep strong for your sanity and your children.
chick

Foundhervoice - I have no doubt that you will rise to the occasion. You, my dear...have done nothing wrong. I am praying the judge sees the situation for exactly what it is.

I am sorry you and your children have had to endure another chapter. Life seems so unfair for you right now. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

DO NOT show any emotion at the mediation, hard I know but he will be trying to get your goat, cause you as much anxiety as possible. If you speak softly, never interupt the aXXhole while hes yelling (and he will yell if you are very composed and smile sweetly.) Keep your cool and just let him know HE and HIS problem are just that, HIS, not yours and you have a life to get on with. The sooner you're free of this cheating nut case the better....I'll pray for your composure, just think of all your Boomer sisters there with you because we will be, in spirit...

[ February 19, 2006, 05:36 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

foundhervoiceatlast, with what you have on your husband right now he should be pooping in his drawers. I don't think judges look too kindly on a cheating, jerk husband when the wife has been faithful through it all. I'd say you've got the upper hand here and should be smiling through the entire mediation process. I think your children will adjust and heal from this when he's out of the picture. They are reeling now at the thought of what he did to their beloved mother. He should know just how shameful and deceitful he looks in their eyes right now.

I wish all of us could be there with you, so if you should find yourself weakening pretend we are there and stand tall because you know you did nothing wrong. This whole process came to be solely because of his actions, not yours. At least you don't have to hang your head in shame like he should.

Foundhervoiceatlast:

You have done such an excellent job of chronolizing the event during this divorce proceeding -- I'm proud of you. Perhaps you could take your post from this site and paste into an Affidavit except for the emotions. Just the facts! Most divorce proceedings require an Affidavit and perhaps this may help.

My prayers are with you as I know how stressful these events are.

Thank you for your support. It means so much to me especially right now...unfortunately yesterday's mediation processs felt like an ambush to me, and I am still reeling from the shock.

The soon-to-be-ex came in swinging, metaphorically speaking, and basically started off by accusing me of poisoning his children against him by making up lies about him having an affair. He basically launched a smear campaign against me and demanded extra parenting time in lieu of my attrocious behavior toward him, so that he can mend the relationship I have damaged between him and his children. Suddenly I was the unreasonable one, and since I did not bring proof of his affair with me to mediation (who would have thunk of it?) I was suddenly the one in the hot seat. I am now convinced that he is a sociopath, otherwise how could he lie so glibly and effortlessly? He is one sick individual.

It was, as could be expected, a very convenient launching ground for him to offer me only 3 years of spousal support after 20 years of marriage, 17 of those as a devoted stay at home mom. He and his attorney decided that I could find perfectly good employment as a piano teacher since I used to play the piano, and that there is no need for further training or re-education at this stage of my life. It was infuriating, and after 6 hours of this I now understand that it was designed to break me and wear me down to the point that I would agree to just about anything to stop the pain.

As it turned out, I was feeling so railroaded - even by my own attorney who had started out so strong and by the end of the day was just as beaten down as I was - that after dickering back and forth and being pressured to make concession after concession in the interest of being done with the negotiations, I simply walked out. I told everyone that there was no way I was going to sign a darned thing, and that I was leaving for the day. Period. This morning, after a sleepless night of meditating and praying I decided that I had to be true to myself and follow my own instincts. I will no longer play according to the reality my ex and his attorney are dictating to me. It is time to fight back, and stand up for my children and for what I believe to be the right thing to do, regardless of what they, my attorney, or anyone else would try to make me believe. If I lose by going to court, so be it. At least I will have my self-respect intact. But I've gotta tell you, this is one horrendous process. If I were 15 years younger I would go back to law school and get heavily involved in the judicial system and give them all hell...

There is something very wrong with a system where the children are not encouraged to voice their own opinions about where they want to live and with whom, especially as teen agers. I was told that unless I hire a child advocate for about 10 grand, my children's voices will not be heard by the court. Can this possibly be correct?

Foundhervoice-atlast

Founder,
Don't let your attorney give in. They all act tough and say you have an winning case until they are employed then they all want to wimp out, cut a deal, settle, and cash their check. Half the time the two attorneys will get together to 'good ole boy' their way around us just cause we're helpless women.

Tell your attorney what I told mine not long back. I said I will NOT participate in legal blackmail. I will NOT settle for less what is mine, so do not ask me again. Either prepare for court or you will no longer represent me.

The other side dropped the case.

Prayer is always a good thing and you will be in mine. Don't let it get you down.

smile

I am praying strength into every fragment of your being. Get mad and stay mad. Your life and the life of your children are well worth the fight!