Thanks for the suggestion Hanelore but Chatty is right on, she would refuse to talk to him. She already told my Dad that she will NEVER meet him. I sometimes find it hard to believe that she is my Mother. Not to be mean or anything but we are so different. Of course she has her good points but it is always her way or the highway. My Dad has friends that are not allowed to come to the house to visit him because she won't allow it. One or more of them didn't agree with her point of view while over for dinner or something and they were banned from the house. My Dad (who is in a wheel chair with only one leg) has to meet them at a coffee shop. Actually wheel himself down there. And every time he meets with him the entire time before he goes she says "how can you see that idiot" you pick the stupidest friends"
That is how I know she will never accept my boyfriend, sad but true. I've accepted that but just want to address the lying on my part. Now all I have to decide is should I send/email a letter before Christmas or after. I'm thinking before because things will be tense, but then again they are always tense every year. It will be tense if I tell her or not. She may pull a sick mood and stay home which she has also done before when she didn't get her way.
Well, I will still count my blessings.
Kate

Good thing I didn't bet, heh? Chatty? Actually as soon as I posted my suggestion, I thought....no way.
I say don't postpone, Kate, just get it over with. Do it like you'd pull off a bandade....fast.
Feel blessed that you are experiencing a new love. That's all that matters.

Will they have an opportunity to be together during the holidays? IS that why you want to do it before?

Kate, unfortunately, I don't think Mom is going to change. So you are going to have to change the way you respond to her. Think about ways that you will be able to respond ahead of time. And know that it can also be your way or the highway. Gosh that sounds mean, but it's true. You are entitled to have a relationship with someone who adores you. Remember that...

They will not have the opportunity to meet during the holidays. That is why I went away with him last week for six days. We celebrated Christmas early together. He has 16 year old twins and is taking them skiing over Christmas. I will be with my children. We live 3,000 miles away from each other. I do know that if he came for Christmas my Mom would not come for dinner. She's no Katherine Hepburn (Guess who's coming to dinner)
We've been spending time alone with each other getting to know each other again. Neither of us wants to rush into anything as the relationship is too important to us. We reconnected 3 years ago but have only been dating for a year now. It has become quite serious so the next step will be to introduce the kids, probably this summer. Both of us are on the same page where the kids are concerned and want them to feel comfortable. My kids have had to put up with quite a few women in their Dad's life. It was difficult for them. At least he has been with the same woman for 4 years now but they had to deal with a new brother which was not easy at first. I want to be sure that this is it for their sake. I believe it is though and they have both told me that they really like him. My 13 year old son told me I have his blessing if I want to marry him. I had a little chuckle over that one. He did throw in though that he is not moving to his city. That is our biggest hurtle and one that will take alot of thought.
I will let you know how it goes with my mother. My prediction, she will read the letter and say nothing.
Kate

I think I would count my lucky stars if she said nothing. BUT at least you'll know you did the right thing. You accomplished not having to lie to her and as I said before now the balls in her court. Have a wonderful holiday and just know "that you can lead a horse to water, but can't make it drink." I envy your new found love...I love being in love!

Thanks for the comments. I sent an email this morning only because we frequently email each other, and I wanted her to get it before Christmas. With the season in full swing I wasn't sure if the mailman would deliver the letter on time.
Hard to say what she will do. I took my dad out for coffee yesterday and he told me that she said he will never be allowed in her home, more of that type of talk. It's sad really that she cannot find happiness and chooses anger and bitterness over love and happiness. I am so happy that I have found love again and she is so miserable. I will continue to pray for her as that is all I can do.
I'll keep you updated.
Kate

Kate, you are moving in the right direction. Please keep us posted. Meanwhile, enojoy your beau.

Kate, how does your father feel about this new man? Would he be interested in meeting him even though your mom wouldn't?

I just spoke with my father. He told me my Mom got the letter and is really angry. She says he will NEVER be allowed to come to her house and she will NEVER meet with him, doesn't want to hear about him etc. etc.
My father said he would like to meet him and is happy that I have found him again. He was not happy about the idea at first and back when we were dating when we were teens he did not like it but has changed now. He see's how happy I am and only wants the best for me. He has also changed his views on other cultures etc. At one time their generation had some different ideas based on ignorance. Thank God times have changed. My mother on the other hand is a control freak, wants me to date who she wants me to date and is more concerned with what people will think of her, than about my happiness. I feel really sorry for her as she does not know the true meaning of love. I continue to pray for her but she is so stubborn that she will stick with this attitude until the day she dies.
I will treat her with respect though but will not introduce my boyfriend to her mainly because she won't see him but even if she did meet him she would definately be rude to him and I would not want him to go through that. Of course if she had a change of heart I would love for her to meet him. That will be the day pigs fly :-)
My brother and his wife do not visit anymore because she has never excepted her daughter in-law and they have been happily married for 25 years. She doesn't like her because she is 11 years older than my brother and not pretty enough. She was really rude to her the last visit over 3 years ago. They used to visit every year but now make excuses that they are too busy. I don't blame my sister in-law at all. I would never visit her if she was my mother in-law. I actually left the table when they last visited as my mother was being so rude to my sister in-law I had to leave or I would have blown up at her. It really wouldn't matter if my boyfriend was black, chinese, japanese whatever, she probably wouldn't like him anyway. My sister in-law is white and she never liked her. She almost didn't go the their wedding and cried the entire service not because of joy but because she was so upset. My boyfriend wants to marry me. You can bet if that ever does happen she will not attend. Oh well, at least I have all my friends blessings and now my Dad's. This I am grateful for.
Kate

Your mother sounds like a very unhappy person and I can't imagine that she has many friends. I feel sorry for your dad, but so glad he is supporting your decision.

See your mom when you must, but give your time to your boyfriend and others who accept you all as you are. There's nothing you can do to change your mom, so make an honest effort to enjoy your life and not worry about her.

Good luck, you guys can come to my house for dinner anytime when you're in California. Tell him he's welcome!

Kathy