What do you think is the best way for women at midlife to meet men if they seriously want to spend the rest of their lives with a man?

I don't think there is such a thing as a "best place' a "best time" or a "best way." It is just luck, being in the right place at the right time when the right man is there too. Really I have been there and done that and its nothing but LUCK, plain and simple....

I think the best place to meet "MEN" is Lowes and Home Depot. I met so many really nice guys there when I was building a set for a play or fixing something around the house. They were all so helpful with my various idiotic projects. I never actually went out with any of them, but if I got lonesome, I always knew I could go to Home Depot and find a nice male. And most were good looking too.

Of course when it comes to the one and only singular "MAN" for life, I'm voting for a concert. That's where I officially met my MAN.

smile

[ January 23, 2006, 10:46 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

I think libraries and book stores might be good places.

I never would hav thought that twenty years ago. Boy how time changes us.

Watch to see what he's reading before he knows your there because what they read tells many things about their character. Its still LUCK no matter where you meet them!!!!

I agree with Chatty that it is a matter of luck and nothing else. I can guarantee you, though, that the Internet is NOT the right way!

I think through trusted friends or family members who know the guy.

Remember the man I met not too long ago from my Church who was presented to me by some very good married friends as such a wonderful guy, oh you remember he was the jack*** that arrived with his jammies in tow...Like I said and will stick by it, "meeting a good man is a crap shoot." LOL

[ January 24, 2006, 12:47 PM: Message edited by: Dotsie ]

Ah yes, jammies man!! His purpose in your life was to make a story that made us all laugh our butts off. I will "remember" him fondly...

I think that as long as you get out alot and do
things that involve both genders, you'll meet
someone eventually : )

Especially if you are outgoing, smile alot, etc.

chatty, your comment reminds me of the time I was at B&N in the section about love and sex. I don't think I'd ever been there before, and had no idea there were so many books on the topic. Many raunchy, I might add.

Anyway, there was a shady looking man there who kept smiling at me while he was looking at some pornographic magazine. I got the creeps and had to walk away.

Ewww....

Yep they are everywhere the creeps and perverts visible to the eye "BUT" the more dangerous ones are the men that dress well, smell good and put on a Christian demeanor to get a woman interested and then when they do BAM, out comes the true character usually not at all what was represented....what you see is not necessarily what you get!!!

I met my husband while waiting for a table at a restaurant. Like Chatty says, crap shoot. When you stop caring whether you meet someone or not, there they are.

Don't look in the driveway. He'll knock on your door.

smile

[ January 28, 2006, 01:34 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

Ladies men are everywhere and meeting them is not the problem as I see it. The problem is meeting the RIGHT man. Then of course you rarely know that until you've married him and he lets his guard down. I said it before and will say it until the day I die, its a crap shoot, and luck of the draw, nothing more and nothing less....

AMEN Chatty!!

Getting married is like electing a politician. No matter how hard you try, you never know what you're getting until it's too late.

smile

suzie, fun story. Do you both still work out together?

This is easy. Become involved. Don't sit back and let life pass you by. Concentrate on your own interests and lo and behold that man you would want to spend the rest of your life with would be right around the corner. That's the way the soul mate experience works, so I figure that's the same with any experience.

Anne, Events and Adventures sounds like the way to go. We have a local service that sets up several couples for dinner at one time. A friend of mine does that arranging. I think that's much easier than having to do all this alone..

I too feel it is always easier in a group setting to get to know someone, just watchng their inner action with others helps. But then everyone that met my ex thought he was soooo wonderful and soooo funny. Yep and he was unless you were the sap that married all his fake traits. In tne world we live in today with porn and all he other junk a man has at his disposal I do not think it is poossible to meet a good man. I did in the 50's and again in the 60's (both died) but now the men are just so different, either snealky and sleezy, too darn needy or just plain deceptive. They all think their gigglos....

You've heard me whine about the guy I reconnected with (at the grocery) a few weeks ago. Well, we finally met last week and he really does seem like a genuinely decent guy. I think we will see each other again, but this is going to be slow - but I'm okay with it. The last guy I dated started asking me to do things for him after a month that just were not appropriate, like participate in the basketball team he coached. That's something a wife does not a new girlfriend. He wanted to push, control and plan my life for me.

I've met guys in the park, walking my dog, the bike path, parties, a bar, church, Bible study group and a date auction and I learned that you should be careful no matter where you meet them. You should never give your heart to someone until you know them very well and have met some of their friends and family.

Has anyone ever done the 1 date per 5 minutes deal?

Daisygirl

I'm glad you gave the guy a chance. There are good men out there.

I met a lot of them when I was single and I married the best one of all. If this guy is not THE one for you, at least you will know.

And it's nice to be asked. Enjoy.

smile

When I was single I always saw interesting men in book stores. That way you knew they at least knew how to read!

and cared about reading. That says something. Good point!

Anne, stud, dud...I like that comment!

Now that I'm going to be single after 41 years of marriage, I don't think I will jump into the "dating arena" right away. Probably never!!
Yuk!!!!
Lynne

Great artricle in this months AARP magazine on Sex and being single...

Sex........what's that??
Not in my vocabulary for many years!
Oh well....
Lynne

Chatty, is that the AARP Bulletin, or the magazine?

The magazine....

A few more....know he's a loser/boozer...

When he thinks his beer belly is a 52 inch chest.

When he thinks he's a big spender while going Dutch..

When he asks if he can borrow your big girl panties..

When he thinks the only way to get your attention is to belch or fart..

When his Saturday night date 'T-shirt' reads, Just another sexy bald guy..

When invited to a bar-be-que his apron reads, Will grill for sex..

When he thinks everything tastes better with ketchup..

When his Sunday go to meeting 't-shirt' reads This is not a beer gut, it's a protective covering for my rock hard abs..

When his other 't-shirt' reads, It's my birthday wheres my gift..

When breaking up I would give this fancy dresser a brand new 't-shirt' that reads, GEEZER, formerly known as Stud Muffin...

I hate men that wear t-shirts for every occassion and not necessarily nice clean ones....

Come now ladies there must be more qualities that are as endearing as these are, LOL

Funny. I got a call from a man today who has been "pursuing" me for the last few months. I decided a while back (after the second time we met for coffee) that I was not interested in him but he persists in calling and emailing. He brags about his sensitivity and thinks he is enlightened about us women because he readily admits to watching Oprah and Dr Phil but in reality he is still a long way off from there.

He refers to women as "girls", or little girls, which really irks me. We recently had a discussion about why women wind up getting the short end of the deal in many divorce situations, especially stay-at-home-moms who have sacrificed their careers in the name of full-time motherhood, and he said (most likely thinking that I'd be impressed by his willingness to put full blame on men as a gender...)that men are to blame because they don't give their wives quite enough independence. Ouch!

I told him that independence is not something that a man grants a woman...it is something that women are all on their own and not something they get as a gift from a benificent ruler/husband. He didn't get it....and I suspect he is - on a relative scale - one of the "good ones". LOL!

foundhervoice-atlast

foundhervoice, where did you two meet? I hope you're being careful with this new dating scene.

Anne, your last one was gross.

Where do you and chatty find this stuff?

Think maybe you need a 'new scale' or to have the old one 'recalabrated' foundhervoiceatlast...LOL

I met this guy on a plane back in December, on my way home from two weeks at my dad's side in the hospital.I guess it was nice to have someone pay attention to me and find me attractive, especially since my husband was divorcing me after 20+ years. I was definitely not looking for male companionship at the time, and the only reason I agreed to go out for coffee was because I was feeling very lost and lonely.

It's funny that Anne said she had a really bad feeling about him (thanks Anne! I respect those intuitive gifts!)and asked to hear something good about him. After reading all of your posts I guess I'm not sure what that would be. Maybe it was enough that a man looked at me without anger, disdain or criticism in his eyes for me to feel that he was a good guy. Scary, huh? Pathetic, actually...

In any case, I have decided that I am definitely in the "a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle" stage of my life and have absolutely no interest in dating. Period. I need to take this time to develop my own power, both emotionally and financially and I cannot do that with a man in my life. Twenty years of subservience was more than enough for this "girl". I think I'll invest in some new batteries and go solo...

Thank you so much for your concerns. It makes me feel good to know that friends like you are out there watching my back.

Virtual hugs and kisses to you all,
Foundhervoice-atlast

I don't think we should condemn an entire gender because of a few nut cases. Men are just imperfect human beings like the rest of us. They're sometimes shy and afraid and they hurt just like women do. Only one guy in the whole world is right for you so the weirdness of the others shouldn't matter.

My advice would be to be very careful even of the nice guys and immediately dump anyone who scares you, but enjoy the admiration of the rest. Let them take you to coffee, to dinner and out dancing then go home happily alone. Don't let them near your heart until the right guy comes along. After all, there are about 3 billion men in the world and only one who is right for you. The others are just for entertainment.

The fish without a bicycle swims in the huge ocean all alone.

smile

[ April 23, 2006, 03:25 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

Smile,
Thanks. I kept looking at this thread and feeling uncomfortable. Yes, there are some men (and women) out there with huge problems. But there are many men out there who are good people.

I have gone through a "hate men" stage in my life, so I know the feeling. Fortunately, I got past it. I also got less desperate to have one and found more time to have myself.

Just my two cents -- take what you like and leave the rest.

Dotsie,
Would rather see a gal meet a guy in church rather than in a bar; but, then again, I'd prefer to see her stay single and be her own boss!
Good luck, that is if you're serious about meeting somebody.
Ciao,
B. Rose

Well one of the worst guys I was ever introduced to was at church by people telling me what a great guy he was. I let my guard down further than normal and after some coffee dates allowed him to come to my home, BAD idea. Thats when he let his true colors come through. It doesn't matter where you meet these men, some belong under a rock and then there is as Smile says that ONE good one. Does anyone have the strength or time to shuffle through ALL the bad ones to hopefully get to the ONE good one out there. I will continue my coffee and dinner dates and use some as escorts when you need to show up with a man but just that, no searching for Mr. Right and simply being happy not being stuck with Mr. Wrong!

[ April 23, 2006, 08:07 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

There's a time and a place for everything, and right now I am concentrating on securing a future for myself. I'm sure that there are many good men out there (heck - I have two sons of my own and I like to think that they have been raised to be kind and sensitive renaissance men!), but like Chatty and Bonnierose, I am happy doing my own thing these days and am not counting on meeting or even looking for Mr. Right. I'm sure it has something to do with my divorce not being final yet, the trauma of a deceit-laden marriage still fresh in my heart and on my children's faces, and in finding out that I really was married to a clinical sociopath. Kinda tends to sour one on relationships, y'know? Besides, my plate is full just trying to figure out how to make ends meet and avoid becoming a statistic on women and poverty.

foundhervoice-atlast

P.S. I do not agree that there is only one Mr. Right that exists for each of us. IMHO, depending on the circumstances, I believe that there can be more than one appropriate match for each person...but that does not make him any easier to find...

foundhervoiceatlast,

I agree w/ you regarding "concentratong on securing a future for mysef." By doing your own thing and moving forward positively, your actions and beliefs will attract positive individuals. I also agree that there is more than one appropriate match -- you're definately on the right track!

Anne327,
The odds must be a lot better than one in three billion or else there wouldn't be the six billion. Somebody is definitely getting together somewhere.

I figure it's magnetic energy. Since the whole universe runs on it, men must be attracted to women through the magnetic energy of their chemical makeup. Everyone's chemical makeup is influenced by their location in the magnetic field of the universe.

Better living through chemistry.

Wheee!

smile

Maybe divorce comes from chemistry also. Our chemistry changes with age, emotions, relationships, relocations, etc. And not only does magnetic force move oceans, it moves people.

Sometimes it moves them right out of your house!!

Our entire body runs on magnetic force. Every one of our cells is held together by the magnetic force of electrically charged chemicals.

Then there's our magnetic aura which extends about the length of our arms all around us. Each one is unique and changes with mood, location, etc. Strangely the aura is smaller on each coast.

Sounds like sci fi, but...

smile

The only part of this I understood, dah, is the space between a mans ears, LOL.

Anne327! That was hilarious! JJ

Anne327, something tells me some of us are meeting the same men, they must be criss crossing the country trying to catch us off guard.

chatty, what a hoot.

I think I met a truly nice one, but he sure is slow, and we aren't getting any younger. I've been sitting by the phone for a month. I am staying busy and going on with my life, but this is torture! We are both petrified of getting into a bad relationship. I'm willing to take a risk, but I'm not sure if he is - I bet he isn't sure if he is either.

Daisygirl

Anne327, what is string theory?

Daisygirl, I agree, don't wait by the phone for him, why pine for someone who does not return the courtesy. When some men use this disappearing act trick, they know how to manipulate and may even be stringing along other women, too. They have you waiting on the seat cushion just waiting for their call, and when he does finally call, we fall for their tactics. I did this w/ my ex-husband and another relationship after my divorce, not again.

There is a saying that "Time waits for no man." Well a smart womans saying should be, "I wait for no man." Life is too darn short ladies to waste it on 'jelly fish' men.

Oh, he called me during the month, but only about 1 or 2 times a week. It didn't interfere with my life or activities, only my mental state. I realized that last week I informed of all my activities last weekend and that's why he didn't ask me out for last weekend.........hence..........

UPDATE: Last weekend I decided I would invite him to a "alternative music" service at my church. I was giving him mixed signals as he was me and I decided to let him know I was definitely interested. I would then know if he was or not and move on if I needed to. Anyhoo, we went to dinner afterwards and had a great time, he's called me every day since and tonight we're going on our first "real date".

Actually, even though the waiting drove me crazy, it was nice to get to know him slowly without so much pressure. I feel like we're friends and it's not all about sex.

Daisygirl

Daisy, sounds like the torture of waiting is behind you. Can't wait to hear about the real first date. Are you excited? I bet he'd just love knowing you are telling your freinds about this online!

[ May 12, 2006, 02:05 PM: Message edited by: Dotsie ]

Yes, I am excited but not anxious. It's all in God's hands, really.

Update: My date was very nice on Friday - very nice indeed. We went to dinner to a Japanese restaurant, but it was aweful! He really felt bad, but it was so bland, I couldn't hide the fact that I didn't like it, especially after I said, gee this tastes like crap. We then went to see RV, which is a great family movie, then home. He seems like a genuinely nice guy and I don't see any sociopathic tendencies or personality defects so far, but believe me, I'm looking for signs.

Daisygirl

Daisygirl, I'm delighted that your date went so very well!

Thanks Anne. We'll see how it goes. We now talk nearly every day although I've been out of town and not available very much this week. I don't believe in horoscopes and such, but I got a fortune cookie that said "Take that chance you've been considering." Hmmm.....I guess I will.....

Daisygirl

Okay, here're some "germs" to get you started - okay, how about a prayer?

I prayed for you to meet someone honest, real and good - the perfect guy for you! You may have additional requirements, but God already knows them..........

Daisygirl

Deb, you are MOST welcome!

DebShines, enjoy your ice cream while it's on the plate, in other words be present within yourself and don't look to a man for happiness!

Hey MustangGal - thankyou, that is exactly why I am here, to regain myself in the company of new friends. Life is great and yes I am going to get to know me again.

A hearty welcome DebShines and I hope you'll hang around, wow, Australia, how cool that is.

Very cool at the moment - only about 20 celcius in the daytime, and down to 5 celcius at nite. But we are so used to wearing shorts and t shirts that we forget to put on extra clothes and simply turn on the heating!! but being cold makes a nice change from summers heat and humidity!! I will try to improve my fledgling website so I can share my life in Australia with everyone.

Well here is a new one for all the midlife daters out there. My friend just in for a visit from Conneticut says she has never had more dates or met nicer men. "Where," I asked, on Mars. She said "no, that her and her girlfriends (all over 50) have been meeting at the local dog park, Plenty of men are dog lovers and take their frizbies and dogs to the park." She said, "its easy to strike up a conversation and things transpire nicely after that." She is convinced that most men who nurture their pets have a heart and are not afraid to show their feelings. That could be the key....so ladies take your dogs to the park and see...

I take Daisy to the park nearly every day I can. You do have an opportunity to talk to many types of people. I have never dated anyone I've talked to there. But then again, I may have "I'm a freak" tattooed on my forehead.

Daisygirl

Good one Anne327.....

Daisygirl maybe you just look too smart. Some guy once told me he hesitated coming up to me because I looked too smart. I half as--d laughed and said OH, and since when have women carried their brain under their necks....get the picture where his eyes were fixed?? Just another LOSER!!!

Anne, you crack me up! What a great way to keep it all under control.

I did meet a guy this past Monday at a restaurant where I am a regular, gave him my #, but haven't heard from him yet. It must be that FREAK sign.

Daisygirl

[ June 22, 2006, 08:22 PM: Message edited by: Daisygirl ]

I'm a happily married old fart, but love listening in on this thread. You ladies are a riot.

It's a good thing that the guy didn't call because I have a date with my h.s. friend and he is the one I really want to spend time with.

Things are working out better because I gave up trying to control things. I am trusting God and He is working everything out. I should've said TRYING to trust God! It's a struggle to give it up.

Daisygirl

[ June 23, 2006, 03:24 PM: Message edited by: Daisygirl ]

I met my NEW HUSBAND on the internet. We dated five years and just got married June 3. It's the second marriage for both of us. I know, without a doubt, that God put us together! I am so happy and so in love! The last time around I was so in LUST. There is a MAJOR difference.

By the way, Daisygirl...what part of Ohio are you from? I was born and raised in Canton. Went to Ohio University.

Peace & Blessings,
Beverly Mahone
Author, WHATEVER! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age
www.talk2bev.com

I'm in a suburb of Dayton.