Why do men ask for your number if they never intend on calling?

I've had two experiences in recent weeks. Everything seemed good. At the end of the meal/coffee/conversation/whatever, he says "let's get together sometime, you'll have to give me your number." Then no call ever comes.

How long is long enough to wonder, before mentally "writing somebody off” and forgetting about him?

Now I remember why I hate this thing called "dating." I do much better when I'm not mentally distracted by a man that I am attracted to. And believe me, there have been very few of them I’ve felt that way about over the years.

Just in a whiney mood today I guess. LOL. Thanks for listening as always.

Whirlwind

When single, I would never give out my phone number. I'd tell the guy to give me his instead and I'd call if I felt like it. If he didn't want to give it to me, it meant he wasn't serious about getting together again. If he freely gave it to me, I knew. It stops a lot of game playing.

Great idea Dianne. From now on, that's what I'll do.

One guy I wasn't really surprised. The other one I did expect to hear from. It's only been a week, but I'm ready to forget about it.

Thanks for the suggestion.

WW

This may sound crass and unobjective but when dating I expect the man to call me the very next day and say he had a nice time at least and if he does not and waits a week or more my estimation of this man is he has a hard - well you know and hopes to get lucky...fat chance of another date or anything else for that matter but then I am a hard a-- when it comes to men, my way or the highway!!!

Believe it or not, some men are so afraid of rejection that they won't call. I like Dianne's idea and see nothing wrong with it.

I've got a single brother who just turned 60 and we talk about this stuff a lot.

Most men who are secure about themselves will not mind a woman calling them. Our single men friends tell me this is so.

OK, let me clarify. The one I was hoping to hear from, we weren't on a date. We ran into each other at a local hangout and talked for maybe 10 minutes. We aren't "total" strangers in that we've seen each other around before, but we've never "talked", if that makes any sense.

Conversation was enthusiastic on his end, about wanting to do things, liking some of the same things I do, having a hard time meeting people, etc. So when he suggested that maybe we could get together sometime, I gave him my number as I was leaving. That was it.

Now, this person is on one of the web-based dating sites (and I actually almost sent him a message early last year, but he doesn't know this. He doesn't know I saw his ad, or that I know he's on that site). So how could he be shy if he's on such a site?

I'd "like" to send him an email and say "I'm the girl from the restaurant, I was serious about wanting to get together if you think we might have something in common. Want to go to a movie or have dinner one night?" But I don't want to appear desperate or pushy (which I'm not). He just seems like a moral, down-to-earth guy and I'd like to get to know him better. Goodness knows I've run across precious few that I'd care to spend any time with at all.

What would "you" do?

WW

Have you ever heard of that book "He's Really Not That Into You"? The author (a man) says if a guy is interested the woman will have no doubt and not have to wait for a phone call.

I have rules and my gfs say I should've written the book:
1. Don't call men
2. Don't be free with your affection before you know them well.
3. Don't play hard to get, BE hard to get. Have a life and don't rearrange it for someone you barely know.
4. No sex before marriage, or at least attempt it.
5. Go with your gut feeling. (I learned that one the hard way)
6. Don't fall in love before you know they're worthy. That takes time. If you feel that way too soon, it's only lust, sweetie.
7. Believe what the guy says. If he says he doesn't want a serious relationship, believe it.
8. If a man tells me he's going to do something (like call) and doesn't, he better have a good reason.....like be in the hospital in traction.

Any time I've broken the rules, I regretted it.

WW, those guys weren't worthy of you. When you meet the right one, he'll ask for your number and call you the next day and you won't have to wonder about anything.

Daisygirl

And yet three guy friends have said men can be shy too, and if it were them they wouldn't mind (and would actually like) the email contact.

As for the "rules"

1) Is calling the same as email? If I'd asked for his number, I think he'd have given it to me.

2) I am NOT "free" with affection.

3) I don't play games. Which is why this is driving me nuts right now.

4) Sex? Forget it....

5) My gut feeling? It was that he was interested.

6) Love is far down the road.

7) I do take people at face value. Which is why I'm wondering about this, he seemed sincere.

8) Is asking for a number a promise to call by any certain time? If yes, then I won't continue this discussion any further, my answer is there.

Thanks Daisygirl. Guess I'd better just keep looking....

WW

WW, do NOT email this man and tell him you were serious about getting together. The ball is in his court and let it stay there.

When I started dating my current husband, he would make short calls during the day to let me know he was thinking about me. One day he told me it was okay if I called him at his office. I told him we worked the same hours and it was impossible for me to call during those hours because I was so busy.

Men like women they have to chase! It's the nature of the beast. Trust me on this one.

WW, I hope you didn't think I wrote my rules for your particular situation. These are just things I learned from experience, which help me to keep the bad men out of my life and to not loose sleep over it.

These rules are not too difficult for me to follow because I'm ambivalent about dating. It practically takes a konk on my head before I notice someone is noticing. If I give my number and they don't call, it's a barely a blip on the scale of "Do I Care?" I could tell you a story of how I learned each of these rules the hard way.
Daisygirl

Okay, I'm going to be waiting to hear the story, Daisygirl!

Dianne, since it will be long, I'll have to get back to you - I have to work now.

You are all right. Thanks for the advice and for listening during my momentary loss of brainpower.

And Daisygirl, I've been ambivalent about dating for so long that I think I've forgotten how. LOL. I think your rules are good ones.

I had a conversation with a guy friend this morning, and he'd said last night that if he were in that situation he'd appreciate the email because he is shy. He's another one who collects numbers but rarely dates. After thinking about this last night, I told him maybe that's why he doesn't get dates, that it does take a small bit of courage to hand out a number then when no call comes, that indicates game playing or disinterest. And I think most women, no matter what their age, don't appreciate that sort of thing.

We are different creatures, aren't we? Geez.

Y'all are great, thanks again!

WW

I was going to give you an explaination on each rule, but it all boils down to one thing. I've been single most of 15 years and every man who fell for me had to win me over because I was not immediately interested. It takes time to get to know someone and my behavior towards them was rather business-like, except more fun of course. Every man who I treated as if they were God's gift dumped me and some left me broken hearted. I can't tell you why this is, I can only tell you what I've experienced.

Daisygirl

[ November 18, 2005, 09:56 PM: Message edited by: Daisygirl ]