Sugar, forgive him by all means. But fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. (Or three, or four, or five....)I've HEARD of spots changing, but I've never actually seen it. My STBX always talked about his baptism, how important it was, blah,blah,blah. But do the actions match the words? What were the issues that caused the problems in the first place? Any evidence of those things changing? Do you trust him? Are you willing to risk what ever it was happening again? Is it worth it? Only you can answer those questions. Check his back trail. I'd hire a PI before I EVER let anyone close enough to touch my wallet (or anything else I value, like my heart) To me, it's not worth it. Been there, done that, seen that, too. He sounds smooth for sure. But Tom Cruise is smooth, too. I don't trust him either. As far as guys changing...no, I don't believe they really change. The woman just learns to compromise. Even more than she did before. But that's just MHO.

Its evibent here that you want to date this man and want to believe he has become someone different. I am sorry that no one in the know has given you any answers but the truth. Now if you want to believe and want to trust and are willing to have your guts ripped out again and have your heart tromped on, hey have at it!! You asked, we answered. Only you can decide for yourself and if you do give him yet another chance and it does work, SUPER but if it doesn't we will all be here to hold your hand and wipe your tears and not scold you for trying. Personlly I hope he proves me wrong and you right. He is getting a wonderful, forgiving women in you, I hope he appreciates it...

Oh my god hotpants! This ones a beauty isn’t it? It sounds very much like your hotpants telling your heart stories as you have said. If you really want to get kinky you can test that possibility by donning a chastity belt and leaving the key at home next time you visit him. Then your hotpants can’t tell your heart stories. See how you fell about him just after you have left him like that.

You shouldn’t be surprised, or ashamed, that your bikini came off so easily. Purely from a sexual point of view he remembers which buttons to press to turn you on, and which lines send you weak in the knees. He’s not the smooth talker that you think. He just knows what to say, and do, to you. The same lines would have many other girls jamming their knees together. While the line s that would have other girls bikinis off would have you jamming yours together.
From your point of view too he’s a known quantity in bed. Unlike some stranger. You would remember good times in the past, when you’ve been delighted to lose your bikini and that can easily cloud painful memories.

I have to ask you one question here. Outside the sex did he give any real indication that he wanted to get back with you permanently. Not a line like “I love you” Guys even say that to prostitutes when what they really mean is “you turn me on’.
More a discussion of what tore you two apart in the first place. Not a laying of blame either. The male approach to a problem isn’t who stuffed it, but how did we stuff it and how do we fix it. Women only tend to look at the lower head when they look at males. So they don’t notice that this is how the upper head operates. The Mr Fixit!
The only way that you two can get back together is if you broke up over something totally petty, and totally stupid. And, as you have not provided us with those details, only you know if that’s possible

Unique got one thing right . You do fall in love with what you think you see. Or what you are desperate to see. And most women are desperate for that “perfect man” So they see a good man, or a liar who says he’s a perfect man, they see a perfect man, and they spend the next twenty years wondering where they went wrong. They went wrong kidding themselves that anybody is actually perfect.
Unique. You won’t like to hear this but the rest of this stuff about no honor and commitment and mind changing is actually far more common among women. 80% of divorces are instigated solely by women. That’s not commitment.
And its the women who don’t play by the rules in the love game or any other game. Boys are raised on the sporting field where the rules are rigid and enforced by referees. Girls are raised in the social area where rules are made up, discarded, abused, and never enforced. The “mean girls” movie is only the tip of that iceberg..

Chatty is right about your hot pants needing a really good cooling off before meeting him again but I’m dead against her idea of using him as a sexual plaything when it tears at your emotions like this. Can you dig up a reliable man that turns you on but you feel no sense of commitment with.? Even if temporarily? Somebody who will have you screaming, “no more no more” an hour before you visit your ex. With your hot pants well and truly filled they will stay where they are. And you and your ex will both have the chance to work out if there is still any real love left or just randiness.

Chatty got one thing dead wrong. Time heals neither physical nor emotional wounds. Not serious ones like this. I’ve seen too many divorced men who have relied only time and have suicided. Physical or emotional only treatment, not time, heals serious wounds. And this board is treatment hotpants. So stay with it.

Nor is the mans lower brain the only one he thinks with. That is a fifty year old spinsters tale. It was started by a young girl who had just left the cloistered world of a catholic girls boarding school to enter university and was shocked to hear happily married young men openly discussing their sex lives. A real shock to the system of a girl who has only been around nuns. For some reason her stupid remarks about men only thinking with their penises took off despite hordes of surveys which consistently proved that the favorite recreation of men is actually watching sport.

In fact hotpants, that’s where you have run into your problem. Your hotpants are telling your heart that this is love again, and your heart believes it despite your upper brain telling your heart the truth. If you visit him again don’t’ try to be strong. Don’t try to resist. Before you visit him find a way, from lover to vibrator, to cool those hot pants of yours off so completely that you won’t need to be strong at all.

On the issue of “these types changing” I have only ever heard on one situation where men change at all. And its nothing to do with romance or break ups. I’ve known a few guys, who have genuinely loved their wives, but have found themselves with unexpected pregnancies. Some of them have told me about wanting no part of the idea of being fathers until the first time they looked into the eyes of their newborn. And then describing how they suddenly fell in love all over again. So yea hotpants. Some men can change. But it’s rare, and fatherhood is the only thing I’ve known of which makes them change, but not necessarily, and not necessarily for the better either.