Wow, talk about feeling invisible! Searcher, I'm the one who wrote the chapter, not Lynn! This past summer I interviewed some of the participants on this site and looked at ways that the dynamics here resemble culture formation. It's an academic book that's still in the works and I wanted to give back some of what I learned from doing it. I'm not yet sure if my chapter was accepted.

Please forgive me DJ. I am thinking that I was so caught up in your idea, that I made the mistake! Would love to know more about this and sincerely hope that your chapter is accepted.

Searcher

DJ,

Can you tell us more about it? Anything that would enlighten us here?

Lynn

Lynn, I'm glad you're back with us. You know that you and your family are always in my prayers.

Meredith, You are always a shining light, particularly on this dreary day on the east coast.

I find comfort knowing we are in your thoughts.

Lynn

Lynn asks if I can share something about my research on this site. Here's a brief thumbnail (the chapter I wrote was 5300 words, and I really had to edit a lot to make it fit). I've shared bits and pieces of this elsewhere: In terms of the current discussion, I can say this:

There's a BWS culture, and it's not for everyone. It's not a free-for-all which is one of the things that women like about it. For those who feel like they belong, BWS provides a safe haven where women commune with friends.

Rules were originally established by Dotsie, but are enforced by regular members in order to maintain the atmosphere that they prize here. Some of the more active regular members set the tone and also enforce protocols and standards.

The lack of nonverbal cues is an issue that is overcome in various ways (emoticons, etc.) but because of that lack as well as the linear nature of threads, participants may become alienated and depart the site. Other alienating factor (related to this) is the one of feeling ignored. That's a biggy. Some of the participants overcome this by personal messages with others here.

There is also a dominant ideology (set of beliefs), let's call it. Women who don't share the ideology may continue to participate, but don't always feel like they belong in the way that more active, regular participants do. They don't feel that same sense of "safety."

What's interesting is that the women who do feel the sense of safety and warmth seem to share a certain mindset with others here, which is what gives the group a certain solidarity. In other words, although there may be diversity in background, socioeconomic status, ethnicity, etc., there is a similarity in some dimensions like belief and attitude.

[ October 23, 2005, 09:59 PM: Message edited by: DJ ]

Lynn,

Thanks so much.

Okay, ladies. This is a good example of being ignored -- several of you asked to know something about the research, so I spent the time to put it here. And then... nothing. (also notice that the comment after mine is in answer to a previous comment). This happens to me over and over and over again on this web site. Fortunately, I've never come on here and asked for advice or help or been emotionally needy because, if so, I'd be pretty upset if this happened. As it is, I'm quite annoyed. In the past when I felt ignored, I deleted the post. I didn't delete this one because I interviewed women on here and wanted to give something back to the community.

Actually, I was going to respond to your post yesterday but my door bell rang and I had unexpected company.

So, I'll say what I was going to say yesterday. I think you are a very smart woman. I admire you for doing so much research, something I would never do. I appreciate that someone like you took the time to work on this piece and post part of it here.

I was interested that this is considered a culture. I had never thought of it that way. And, also how some feel safety here while others didn't. It gave me something to think about, which I needed.

I appreciate your work very much and I thank you for sharing it.

DJ, I think what often happens here is we may post a question and then before a response comes, we have to walk away from the computer or go out. By the time we come back, other topics have come to the top of the active list and we start reading those and posting. May I even venture to say, some of us get senile (I mean me!) and forget what we've asked or what topic we were on previously. And I know we've all had posts that weren't responded to. We can't take it personally.
I'd also like to add something about the culture here. I think it is just typical of real life in that sometimes people tend to be "cliquey", not in a mean way, but just because they feel a bond with certain people, or they share interests and attitudes.
I also thank you for your research.