I'm wondering if any of you have young children, and if so, how is it going? We are in our late 50's and would like to take in a very young foster child or two, but would appreciate any words of wisdom from the experienced!

Dreamer, I'm no help here. My kids are 20, 18, and 17.

We have two adopted children and one biological child. Before we adopted, we tool a class titled Families Adopting Children Everywhere (FACE). It was very informative. Have you checked to see if there is a class about foster parenting in your area?

Dreamer, I am 46 and my husband is 47. We started having kids young (by today's standards). Our oldest is 24, with a 2 year old. We have 8 kids and our youngest is 3 1/2! I was nursing her at my daughter's wedding. She and my grandson are 18 months apart. He was lving with us from Dec. till Aug. and it is more of a challenge to have little ones around as you get older. I've had babies and toddlers around for 24+ years now. I think the hardest part will be childproofing and making sure the house is safe for little ones. If you are in good health and have a lot of energy (especially mental energy!) you should do fine.

Thank you for your input, Dotsie and Western Bluebird. I, too, have 2 adopted children; they are both married. My daughter has recently been very distant and even cruel; my son is upset at the way she is treating me. My husband has a daughter who is grown but unmarried. We've talked about adding a child of 'ours' to our life, but it seems to us it might not be best for the child. And perhaps the shock of the actions of my daughter - mother of a 4 year old whom I love dearly - is making me want to start over. Life can throw some unexpected and sharp curves.

Hi Dreamer,

I'm 45 (almost) and my son is 8. I have to say he keeps me on my toes. I have more patience now than I did in my twenties, but I've also forgotten how to play.

Foster parenting can be a wonderful thing to do for a child, but please remember many of those children will have serious issues. Are you prepared to deal with those issues? Talk to the social workers who administer the programs in your area. Do your research. Most of all, ask yourself why you want to do this. Is it for the children? Or is it for yourself?

You can also check out Big Brothers/Big Sisters, Guardian ad Litem, mentoring programs and the Foster Grandparents programs. Those programs will allow you to interact with children to see what the kids of today are like without the 'live in' committment. It can be a great way to practice being with kids if you aren't used to it.

(Today's kids ARE different)They're still kids who want to love and be loved, to trust and be trusted, but many of them also have an awareness and a sense of equality that kids a generation ago didn't have. I guess what I'm trying to say is, make sure your head and your heart are coming from the same place.

Dreamer,
Unique hit it on the head when she said (Today's kids ARE different). From my own three sons, 36, 30 and 24; to my older grandchildren 14, 16 and 17; there is such a difference in attitudes, morals, and respect. And, it is not that they have NOT been taught these things or went to church. Their schools are full of bad language, and it is the way of today, being a virgin for a girl - you are laughed at (this from my now 17yr old granddaughter when she was 15yrs old), teachers even join in on using frickin' with the school kids, and you know what that stands for.

My husband and myself from the start put down our rules of respect, language, etc, but we are the only ones they listen to and act right around. We said when these issues came up, you don't go along with the rules, you go home immediately, no second chance. From babes to now, we have been constant.

What if you were raising that child, and you couldn't take them home? I for one would not want to raise a child at my age in todays society. That is just my opinion. Although, if my health permitted it, I would like to be a big sister to a child. I can see where giving a child in need a different look at life, as we do our older 3 grandchildren, would be a major help for them later in life.

Dreamer,
I forgot to say, I am 57 now, and we were going to raise our youngest (now 14, then 12), of our oldest grandchldren, LOL, 2 yrs ago. His mother decided she was a lesbian all of a sudden and divorced their step father, a wonderful man. Our grandson no longer could handle it as things were living with another mom??? too! His Dad, my son stepped up, Thank God, and has done a wonderful job, because he was a very confused young man. And, Yes, it has had repercussions on the other two children also. But they are hanging in and are good kids! They have their lives planned out.

He needed someone much younger and vital than we were, and of course his Dad!

Dreamer,

At the age of 40 and 41 respectively me and my husband had our fourth chile after a sixteen year break from having children. Our baby now 4 has been challenging, interesting and a lot of fun to have around. She is very different from my first three children now 26, 24 and 21, but I am a different person than I was then. In some ways she gets away with a lot more but I also think that I am trying harder to discipline her differently than I did the first three. Fortunately because of things changing I can afford to do things with her that we couldn't do with the others, like send her to a private school.
She has given us a new perspective and forced us to reassess our priorities. Not all the days have been perfect but I just try and remember that she is a wonderful gift from God and then I realize I wouldn't change things for anything in the world.

Angel

Thank you all for your comments and for sharing your stories. We both read your responses and talked about it quite a bit over the weekend. I'm not ruling it out, but you all made such good points; and another issue would be that I would get so attached, so quickly, that I would not want to give a child up. And you're right, we feel young, but there are times when we feel our age more than others. And the reasons for wanting to do this....of course we want to give a child a good home, but maybe a big part of it is to fill a gap in my life, and I certainly wouldn't want to smother the child.

So, thanks to you, Western Bluebird, Unique, Junebugm and Angelsmuse, we have a wider perspective.

Dreamer