Anno, I'm with you on how to involve the whole family but still leave one person in charge of final decisions. We're doing that in our family, too.

I am in charge of healthcare decisions and my brother is in charge of financial aspects. Our sister stays in touch with us and gives her thoughts and suggestions, but she doesn't have the time to oversee either aspect.

This has been working well for us, but we are just 3 kids, not as many as Dotsie has in her family.

Edelweiss, I am sorry that you are having to shoulder these decisions without any support from anyone. I really appreciate that I can talk with my husband, as well as my sibs.

I have been reading a fascinating book called "The Daughter Trap," by Laurel Kennedy, and will be putting a review of it up on the NABBW site in the next few days. Hers is a fascinating book, and the inside front cover flap really speaks to this discussion we are having here:

"Women get stuck in the caregiver role -- whether they like it or not, whether they're prepared or not, and whether they want it or not. The Daughter Trap explains why this happens and why women let it happen.

"Overworked, overbooked, overstressed and underappreciated, caregiving women need help, and they need it now!"

This book is based on hundreds of personal interviews, and from what Laurel has said to me, I think some of her interviews were with NABBW members...

I'd like to start a discussion about how NABBW can provide assistance to women who are overstressed as a result of our caregiving roles. Anybody think this would be valuable?

Anne

EW, it sounds like your brother gives you free reign and never bucks the system. That's a beautiful thing.

After my FIL broke his hip, he had a huge set-back due to medications! Be careful. If your mom's behavior changes at all, have them change the medicine. Sometimes they do more harm than good.

It was after his broken hip that we had to move him to another facility because he needed so much extra care. We had to hire a 24/7 certified nursing assistant to be with him, on top of being in an Alzheimer's facility. Ridiculous. We moved him to a place that manages Alzheimer's patients, WITHOUT having to hire additonal help, AND it's directly behind out home.

EW, she may very well bounce back after a couple weeks. My FIL did and we realized that we may not have had to move him. We think he still had so much medicine in his system and that's why he was so helpless. Anyway, we're glad we did because we like the staff at this place so much better, and that makes a huge difference. Even when he acts out, they take it all in stride. The other place tattled on him the second we walked through the door, like an Alzheimer's patient has control over what they're doing. Hello!

Anne, love that title. Look forward to reading your review.