Are you outspoken in public in the real world? I am talking about with strangers or clerks, places where you may find yourself having to stand up for yourself against an injustice or explain a problem with a product or service?

Sometimes we are different on line than we are out in the world. My sister, for example is much tamer on line that in person. She will pop off at clerks who are inept in her opinion and will defend herself against any corporation that she feels is messing her about in a hot second.

I am the same. I am very outspoken in the real world, not always mad, as often I am outgoing to strangers in a friendly way. I almost introduce myself or am called by my name somewhere every time I go out and I live in a city of one million.

How about you?


Dancer

I'm just the opposite from your sister, Dancer. I'm tame in the
real world and mouthy here. And I don't know why. For me,
writing is a release of pent up emotions. So I guess that's why.
Verbally, I'm intraverted. And I don't know why??? I am friendly
to strangers, however. I always smile and talk to strangers.

Me, I am exactly the same no matter where I may be..."What you see is what you get!"

Of course out in public there is no one deleting what I say.

I am mild-mannered generally, but don't anyone push my buttons! LOL I am usually good at standing up for myself or for making myself heard on injustices. If I feel strongly about something, I will speak up, but I have also learned to choose my battles carefully.

Very much so. To a certain extent, only because we're non-verbal here, I speak in much the same "tone" in person as I do here.

I'm outspoken. But when I feel uncomfortable, even when I know I am in in the right, I usually keep my thoughts to myself. In the long run it saves my nerves.

If we have difficult clients, I gladly hand that part over to my Hubby. I can get so unnerved and just begin to sputter. Not good.

i this me giggle hard chattie, i thik i sometimes need delated occasionalie i the real world as i been ocasionalie delated heer i think

i am as frednlie heer as i am in real world.

i am also as outspoken as i am in real world. I think in same type of way, i will say i am unpeset then move on with it, its not about holding grudjies its just about being verbal.
so i gess yep i just as gobie in real world as i am heer lol.

I do stand up for people or am outraged by same things that upset me and has me mouthing off.

i don't reallie say "golie gosh" or "opps goodness", i have some stronger verbal bits in real life but that it thats my area were i am not me and that me just not wrighting swear words. Or anything explitive that refaires to God.

such as "oh for Gods sakes", which is a common thing to say heer to express frustrasion or commonality of oppinion. Or a scottish one "in the name of the wee man" means the same thing, reallie.

i do probabilie talk as much heer as in the real world lol which is good and bad at same time eh!

i write in same manner as i talk too. i am certine at lest i feel as if i have expresed myself in same way. Whats not undeerstood by me and can't be unless someone answeres me directlie back is how i am recived or understood, sometimes i miss seeing faces and bodie language.

its poppie who asked me loads "are you being sarcastic sying that" (when talking to her) which makes me laugh becouse i seldome use sarcasim in real life, which she knows.

I am direct and to the point with positive stuff and negative stuff too aften in one two lines, so i think i take longer conversasional tunres heer that i don't do in real life. I think i trying to get most of what i feel in to a post, boy do they get long!

lola

in manie ways you are the same heer as from when i talked to you.

your posts are shorter than in real life

one thing heer we sometimes get to hear see your humer or mistchef, but in real life your much more humerise and can hear the mischef in you lol.

thats about the onlie big diffrense, not that you asked my oppinion mind you

I think I'm the same. As moderator, I sometimes have to step out of my comfort zone and confront. I can't stand it in real life, nor can I stand it here. However, I do it in both places because if I feel strongly about something, I have a very hard time keeping my mouth or fingers shut. Good question.

I have gotten into a few royal battles with stores and their idiot policies. Only once have I started yelling, and they richly deserved it. A few times I have phoned corporate headquarters and explained calmly why I would not be doing business with them anymore. Usually, though, I just withdraw my patronage quietly. I will speak up when I hear people using racial language and the like, but have to be careful; it's fairly common where I live. In the workplace I don't say much of anything, which is adapted behavior on my part. I learned the hard way that it's best to just stay cordial and not get too friendly or personal with others. This is just where I get my paycheck.

Body language, Celt. Body language. That's what is missing when I talk in here. Gosh! I can gesticulate for England, you know.

I must tell y'all what happened to me today on my way home from work. As I caught the tube (subway) home, the doors closed on me just as I got in and ended up sandwiched between the sliding doors. So, naturally, the train would'nt move and I could not wriggle my way out of the squeeze. And, bummer! Everyone just stared. Some giggled...others huffed because I was causing the delay. So, I made an announcement: "I'd like to go home as much as you guys do and put my kettle on but, UNLESS SOMEONE GETS OFF THEIR BUM AND HELP PRY ME OFF THESE DOORS WE'RE GOING TO BE HERE FOR SOOOOOOOME TIME!!!" Two men got the message and helped me. So, I thanked them. And, the train chugged along.

I do tend to claim my spot in this world. LOL!

Yes, I will speak up.

I probably changed 15 years ago. My jobs have forced me to speak up, otherwise one gets trodden down like doormat or people just...ignore you/your dept. Can't afford that at times. But of course, 'speaking up', means how to say it.

However there are times I hear of inappropriate stuff and ..there is point to choose one's battles. So I will say nothing and ignore/bypass.

Lol Lola! Good for you!! You should have swung your purse at them afterwards. Can't believe you had to yell at them before they moved to help you.

This thread reminds me of a saying I just love!!!!

Lord please keep your arm around my shoulder, and your hand over my mouth!!!

That kind of says it all for me...

It was the second time it happened to me, EW. I just did a Popeye this time: "That's all I can stands and I can stands no more" LOL!

i hear the beep beep beep and jump backwards now lola lol. especialie after i did get cought in doors on last train with poppie outside of train me and l inside and the doors jamed shut on my arms 3 times before poppie thought to hold them wider than my arms, L was outside and not hurt but confused lol.

she held them open so then they opened so i could get out, it a hard enough thumb ya get when they shut.

oh and poppie managed into a tube and it shut me and l out, we found our way home she could't get rid of me that easilie lol.

it amases me how much people act as if they don't see people less than two feet away, don't see someone whos close enough ya can smell thir breath. tubes are very strange plases so good for you for shouting up and getting the help and good thing you think so well so quick what to say...

is it getting easier for you to keep quite or be more diplomatic with age, it working that way for me.

or are you the reverse that you learned how to be assertive while getting older?

either way i think more balanse comes with age

If I see an unjustice, I'll speak up and defend the innocent.
But I don't like confrontation or bickerin' or upset. Honest
disagreements are fine, but it seems differences can be discussed in a gentle manner. No fuss. No muss.

Lola, that's a great story! LOL.
D9

Oh my goodness Lola, way to go. It continues to amaze me (although why I don't know) how people can sit and stare at something like that and not get off their butts. Geez Louise!

Lola, I can't believe someone didn't film the scene and place it on youtube.

jabber, I recall our pediatriciam teaching a class at our church. He was a delightful man. He said to remember that you should never have to raise your voice when settling a battle. I've always remembered that. Haven't always been able to live by it, but it certainly lowered my tone of voice many times.

Anne, I don't blame you for speaking up. It's called survival and keeping people honest!

Yep, Dancer and MamaRed. Sometimes, one has just got to give a belter. LOL!

Yep. It was hilarious enough to be on YouTube, Dotsie.

Well, being considered by most of the worlds population to be one of the >ELDERLY< oh my how awful!!! Because they also think they can say and do anything to us and we will take it and move along quietly! Thats the same reason every time a new scam pops up it is tried first on us so called old folks...

Well let me tell you something, my mother who will be 89 in April will shout down the biggest man in the place if aggrivated. I learned from her and do exactly the same thing. We may look like sweet, demure, old girls but steer clear with any bulls//t, because we can give a whole lot better than we'll get.

I don't take crap from anyone, man or woman, old or young. I AM ALWAYS POLITE and SMILING just don't cross me or you'll see this flower turn into a stinging thistle.

I learned along time ago that if you don't stick up for yourself, no one else will either.

How true. The elderly is the last frontier of having a voice.
So first let's stay informed, be healthy, keep on learning, and know diverse range of people personally. Otherwise we can't even properly articulate our position by not even being aware of core issues.

I suppose I'm the same on line as I am in person. I'm presently involved in a battle with the local power company and in fact just presented to our community association a summary of my last 7 months of correspondence. Now they're putting me in charge. The problem is the power goes out all the time in our part of the neighborhood.

As far as stores and companies go, I've watched my daughter do what she saw me do, which is, to call and lodge a complaint. Most recently I canceled our newspaper subscription because the quality had sunk so low. I patronize locally owned mom and pop stores where they know me and I know them and try to avoid the chains anymore.

its always better done with a smile as people get so confused it gives me the upper hand to RUN....after i had my say

I'm hoping our generation will change the voice of the elderly. I think we're already changing the voice of midlife. Boomers can only tackle one life stage at a time.

DJ, we've been talking about canceling our paper too. There's nothing to it. Everyone's online these days. Times are a changin'. However, I'm happy with the Sun right now becasue they are hanging Dad's paper on his door so he doesn't have to go out and bend over to get it. I was so grateful they would do it, and without any complaints. They couldn't have been nicer. The paper is so important to him. He's not online. So the Sun is good for something! I think they're bending over backwards to keep customers.

I cancelled my newspapers long ago. I can click Las Vegas on the computer or Tim Buck Two for that matter and get all the latest news for FREE!

YOu know what else galls me...I am guilty of this too or rather I use to be. When someone asks your age and you tell them and they say, "oh my girl, you don't look your age at all!" Is that suppose to be a compliment? Whats wrong with our ages? We earned every year of them. I proudly tell my age and low and behold anyone saying that to me now. You should see their faces when I come back with, "and whats wrong with being 68????"

Sometimes I listen and don't say anything at all, but when I speak, I'm outspoken and to the point. Which doesn't mean I can't ramble and have fun -- because I do. But when I have something to say, very few people are confused about my intent.

The main difference between online and in person is that I'm more laid back online. Slightly.

i think it depends on the subject. Somethings still bring me out in gosebumps with temper or injustise, i hate bullying and predigise and try challenge my owen bits inside me when i find them. I do the same when i compronted in it with others, some of you even heared me give off about stuff lol.

i a scorpio lol and ruling planit is mars, planit of war so speacking up about some stuff has never been a problem, doing it appropriatlie, sutilie or finding compramise or balanse has been my task. I think we either have to learn to talk up or learn to quiten dowen lol

I am one who learned to quiten dowen IF i manage to catch it in time. Just makes it diffrent how i respond. Good to know i like most of you in some ways that are the nosie ones.

anyway i done a massive ramble and i just rembered my point .....another scorpio frends said i now so soft i a p****. Embarised life out me but i am PROUD OF MYSELF and changies i made, its been a journey.

Funnie how we all got diffrent goals with stuff

chatty, all the talk about 50 being the new 30 discounts 20 years of gaining wisdom. Fifty is the new fifty!

celtic, I've settled down through the yeaers too. Used to talk way too much. Now talk less, but hopefully say more.

It also depends on the setting. I can be real chatty when hanging out with the girls or my sisters.

Celtic,
I agree with the idea that more balance comes with age: wisdom and tactfullness seem to be learned arts!

I remember Gloria Steinam wore a t-shirt that said "This is what 60 looks like!"

Dotsie -- I still believe the local, print newspaper has something of value. I read news on the internet, but it doesn't replace having a physical newspaper to hold and browse through. There's stuff in the paper that doesn't appear online (like classifieds for example). From what I gather, the internet isn't killing the newspaper, but big business is -- they'd be better off not being publicly traded. They've been bought and consolidated not by journalists but by MBAs and that has destroyed them.

My DH has "toned me down". Things I say he cringes at! But I am from NJ and he is from KS. What else can I say??

what exactly is a DH. I believe it's a husband. Is it a "dear husband?" Or is it a designated hitter?

Or Dragon Hunter...orrrrrr......whatttt? Okay, Okay, I think it's dear or darling husband, neither of which I can relate to...bawhahahahah...ahem...cough..spurt...ahem.

Hey how is Dolly doing anyway? You haven't mentioned her in awhile. Is she getting really big?

and you can't always take the laptop to toilet/bathroom with you like ya can a newspaper.

Its valuable in this house for that reason alone lol.

what if it ise't a dear or darling husband, what if you onlie have a HIM! lol.

DJ, it's dear husband in here, but designated hitter at the baseball games... of which I know you've sat through many!

And doo doo head if you're divorced.....whatttt? Okay, okay, I'll quit. <insert evil giggle>

I can be outspoken in both places...but, I try to be diplomatic about it...not always successful at that but I try. I do have less of a problem about speaking my mind than I used to. After getting tired of being a doormat, I finally realized I did have a mouth and I could use it to speak. I'm more free at giving advice than is probably wanted...and I've upset some folks in my life for being honest with them about things...and then I've gotten into trouble for being misunderstood completely. Sometimes I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't...I try not to hurt anyone's feelings when I convey my opinion.

I still love the saying.......

Lord keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth!

I'm not outspoken, unless I have someone or something important to defend. Even then, I'll hide behind the closest person, before speaking up.

I have so many views on this subject, but to keep from having a large controversy within the walls of this forum, I'll just say this...

If a woman speaks her views, she's considered a bit_h, aggressive, abrasive, and especially if her views are different from the crowd. There are loud noises, tearing of clothing, and gnashing of the teeth. People start looking for a rope and the nearest tree.

If she doesn't, then she is considered a wimp, uneducated, and not respected by some, even called names.

Where is the fairness in all of this? Where is the line between being aggressive and voicing your opinion?

Some would argue that women need to find a happy medium when speaking out. Puleaseeee....who is the "happy medium" police? Is it you? us? men? (oh god forbid)...

So asking someone if they are outspoken in the real world is a double-edged sword.

Yes, I am sometimes...but it doesn't mean others like it, or me. Now ask me if I care though.....bawhahahaha.

I think I might be a little more outspoken in the real world. I don't participate in different conversations much in the real world or forums. I am more a listener and observer in both. I can learn allot about the people around me. I can listen to a person's language, tone, and body language to get a feel for them in the real world. On forums, you never know.

I have to agree with JJ 100 % and will add two things to what she has so eloquently stated;

ONE: at times I have hesitated to speak what was really - truly on my mind because of the reasons JJ stated, so I did not.

TWO: when I did speak my mind saying what everyone else was sending PM's and emails to me saying, my post was deleted.

So I may be outspoken in person with people but have learned that on the forum to only make nice, or else! I figure if I can't be totally honest I will just remain a "stepford" poster, taking a chance even saying this much.
And thats sad...

good point Jj and i don't know weer the line is drawen, perhapps its to do with topic matter or even the individuel person your addressing. Some people may be more sensitive and we or most people seem to respect that, don't they?

saying that thirs always room for conflict and hurt feelings etc but i think conflict is inecvitable a lot of time with or in many soical circumstanses, what more important is how it is delt with and how its being resolved.

can't help conflict can speed up peace and mend fenses.

chatty

some people may be sending you pm saying xy and z about some other people and i knowen of some of that in the past myself and it is trickie when many sensitive and not outspeoken people are being hurt and probablie comming to you for a bit of help.

Maybee aske them to send the same pm onto the people who make desisions or ask if you can. IF the one person has it from a multitude of people how thir feeling if someone is cousing trouble then they be best placed to put trouble to write.

I fallen for defending some other people in heer some needed it and wanted it some din't want it but needed it and some just wanted to complaine for whatever reasons...but do or have done nuthing about the situasion to stop apart from complaine to a lot of people and before we know it thirs disproproriate anger over one person as we have in our minds everyone elses hurts and complants, when we answereing troubled posts.

its just the rules give a clear line of adress if somethings offensive, people should be personalie responsible to take that line in stead of just huffing off and no-one know why or weer they vanished to.

hmmmm lots for me to th9ink about anyway

As a whole and from what I have seen, this is still one of the friendliest places in cyber space because of the majority of the sweet ladies who choose to gather here. Vivala, BWS!!!

I'm glad you did say it, chatty, because it has proved to be true, in many cases... not all, but many. But, we grow and learn - HOPEFULLY!

I don't think any of us gets to say what's exactly on her mind without consequences. Depending on your mood and 'tone' in your writing, people can either get blasted or fail to understand humor, etc. We all have to be careful lest we offend for no reason.

The only way you (general you) can get away with saying whatever you think is if you don't need to have a further relationship with your listener. That's why, if you are inclined, you can say something awful to a driver who cuts you off but will probably refrain from blistering a friend. We wade in more carefully there, even if we are asking for an apology, in order to preserve the relationship.

As to where the lines are, we have to use our common sense and gauge the reactions of others. Some people will be offended at almost anything; others say whatever is on their minds without thought. The good place is somewhere in the middle. On good days we hit it; on bad days, not so close...

The middle of the road always seems to be a good policy, whether it's what we consume or how we act. I say, "Amen." to Ellemm's
recent post. Good job!

is one of geberall problems of internet chatting verses real time chatting. Its so hard to gage the other from what thir saying, sometimes its about knowing how the other generalie acts (making exeptions for odd off days) but we get the mesure of each other over time heer, i think anyway.

If someone said something wildlie offensive to some of the women heer it take of them to point out what could or was offensive or hurtfull.
Thats weer a degree of, honesty, tactfull honestlie is usfull.

it send a message of opps hurt or offense and if the other is reading it writely they can make amends for the hurt.

the weer thre whole process and diologe is worth it if a problem showes up.

it just needs someone to say it up front for that process to begine. We can all learn from it i would think

I have an idea, who agrees or not, that when over the phone or the internet there is no way for the other party to see body language and/or facial expressions, so sometimes they don't get the meaning of our words, not really.

I tend to show all my emotion in my face/eyes. But when someone can't see me I can hide those feeling almost totally. Sometimes just by keeping my voice monitone, no one has a clue what I am really thinking or feeling. I too have the same reaction when someone is talking to me via phone or cyberspace. We literally remain a mystery.

We're all rather incognito on the net; perhaps that makes us
braver. Both WB and I are quiet in person. And as you know
I mouth off a lot on here. Maybe because we're not face to face,
makes that doable. Just thinking out loud!

i wholehartidly agree chatty .....over the phone mostlie we can tell if someones smiling or not, changes voice tone, we pick up ironie and sarcasum and all the sub level parts of conversasion thats not about bady language.

heer However we totalie totalie at the some times mercy of the reader, sometimes all they see is thir owen interpritasion of what they think we have said not we we have actulie said.

one thing i learned heer is to say bla bla bla is what i though you ment when you said xyz becouse i picked up stuff wrong heer and its not just about my dislexia its probablie a rushed response to a post weer words haven't been chosen with the uttmost care. Who got time to ponder all our responses to all post we write.

i know in some chatt rooms people eihther be totalie diffrent from how they are in real life.........kinda road rage of writting lol.

i stay away from chat rooms becouse of it, thrir even to much for me! and have been for over 7-8 yrs.

Oh about 10 yrs ago i re-meet poppie in a chat room, incrediable i iknow-i meet her in real life and while i was talking to her i had that your familure feeling. Took about 1 yr for me to be reintraduced in the real life and come closer to her....then i asked her and it was her chat name and what was happening in her life at that time....it was a GLOBAL chat room. Strange i reallie rembered it probablie becouse one of few nice people i had meet lol.


ANYWAY...... what i wanted to say was show nme weer you given off women! i missed that one lol. (and i am being seriouse)

I like this type of forum better too, celtic.

The women that I've met in person from BWS are just like they are here in thr forums; very true to themselves.

Did you say you met poppie in a chat room before meeting her in person?

LOL! You are one of the people I know who can sense when I've changed from peppy to tired. A good thing...a relief to know you were listening all along when we chat on the phone. LOL!

lola me or dotsie....knowing your tired, yep i sence it and when your worried mhhhvaaa haaa haaaa can't keep it secrite! (despite trying) or you talking to dotsie too, how hi dose your phone bill get?

Dotsie

yep i was in a yahoo chat room and re-meet poppie, i meet her in real life, goodness.....about 15+ yrs ago (home braker lol) no we were both otherwie engaged at the time.....formed a bond then we relised then we bumped into each other through out many a year and looking very diffrent from poppie being only 24 or 25 but i could tell her about her diffrent herstyle etc ...and well i stand out a bit more with my accent (thats one things people use to describe me---the others my love of dressing up in a kilt for special days out! when thrs a carnival partie feel going on)

She lied about where she lived, so when we re-meet physicalie some 6-1 yr latter after a few mounths i recoled the chat we had said about the lie she told ...and yep it was her, she was at home recovering form an opperasion so went chatting....in a global but topic spacific chat room!

my church that i was never away from for 7 years was at the end of her street! spooked yet! ....she would be able to trake or sniff me out in hell lol.

it is a spookie thing all in

And i got into her life and became frend just frends when she had that accident that had her skull smashed and brain bleed....her son phoned me that night! otherwise i would never have knowen, so i visited daly untill she got better a lot of mounths later...the rest relative history.

most big things do come with some kinda time plann or freme, folk moving in and out your life for a reason and all that

That's so cool. So you met her face to face, and knew you had chatted online? Once you met her face to face, you became freinds, then she was in the accident and you visited daily? That's wild.

Thats quite a story and memory you've shared with us Celtic Flame. I call that destiny plain and simple. Thats the way I feel about my soul mate and husband #2, Chet. We were destined to meet as well, I always believed that.

yep nearlie thir dotsie,

we meet face to face..talke but were both with other people.
i meet her in chat room but she lied about weer she lived, and i never asked her name. (i idntified her by her lie later and it was her i was talking to)

we meet physicalie again via a frend and was becomming frends and after 3-6 mounths, the accident had her hospitalised, she only rembered her son, she was a smoker and me!

She was dead in street, ambulance and 3 times on oppertating table directlie after accident, was in hosptal for 3 mnounths out for 14 days back in for mounths, i had gotten word to visite her daily untill she was well, so did untill she recovered.

then we became better frends.

destiny, i whole hartidly think that of maybee 3 people in my life, all weer significant but not necasarily romantik.

i had a baby with p, i decided and actulie conceved and stayed that way untill they were born the first time i tired. All others in life aborted themselfs.

thats the big destny part for me chatty it sent domonos tumbling that resulted in the child

Their will always be a something between us

I though P had told tha story before but i just took that for granted as she normalie more in depth than I.

so how you get to know chet was a soulmate?
i rember he was the big love of your life out of your great husbands, if i rember the name correctlie. So how did you know?


anyone else got a soul mate or spookie meeting storie?

I am outspoken both places, but have learned to temper it online more than in the real world. I hate when I feel someone is messing with my money and have really been outspoken in stores to the point of asking for scissors to cut up their credit card. My daughter reminded me that cell phones now have video and someday I am going to see myself on youtube.com. That really got me thinking and I have been a lot better at just having my say, less dramatically,and walking away. I have to work on what I say, how I say it and my tone at work. My boss said that she felt I judged her. I have a lot of respect for my boss, so I really feel badly that I came across that way. In retrospect, I can understand what she was saying and will be more aware of my tone. I do tend to get louder when frustrated and even if not louder, I get more strident.

their credit cards, do you Owen a shop/store? Or can someone do something strange with their credit cards to you? nmaybee i am confused or you miss written something, but can i keep my cards, i need mine ;-)