jabber do you think perhapps a person might reach a plato of healing, weer life's not too out of the ordinary, no strong assosiations or flashbacks or even giving the abuse much thought or thinking . Certinly after threrapie, time and healing.

what do you see it as being as good as it can get for some people?

i just wonder as most all of us are sensitised and have triggers to something or other. Would you think it possible to get to point that any emotional or mental responses isre't that far away from any other average lady on the street?

i get torn over the diffrering views and the implicasions behid those views.

a you never fullie heal, therfore thers gonna be damage for a lifetime verses a managable normal response to life and lifes situasions.
b total healing or normale functioning life being somehow interpreted well it could't been all that bad anyhow?

the infrense from either extreem never helpfull but could their be a balance or mid point avavable for most people?

just wonderring

My mother is and was like a bulldog towards anyone even thinking of bothering any of her kids and yet she had no clue and now refuses to believe me about an abuser. I ask her about it and she says I just have an active imagination.

The mother is usually the last to know if they ever know. Don't think they are stupid because they are not, they just can't imagine this happening to their child and won't believe it easily.

In my mothers case, her feelings may be because my Aunt, mothers older sister, was attacked in her own home by an old friend of her fathers, my grandfather. My grandfather could barely speak English back then. My Aunt was 7 and mom was 5 when this pig in sheeps clothing came into the home and tried to molest my Aunt.

Luckily my mother saw this and ran for my grandpa who ran inside, up the stairs to the bedroom with his shotgun, and "SHOT" the man dead. My grandfather was never prosecuted and everyone said he was a hero for protecting his girls.

It's really weird because this is the same Aunt whose husband we girls all called Uncle Friendly because he tried feeling up all the females in the family at one time or another. So you can see why no one ever told my Aunt. I thought she should know but mother demanded our silence. He had tried years earlier with all my Aunts sibblings as well, including my mother. I hope he is burning in hell!

Sad, how the issue of sexual abuse either traumatic experiences or stories of parental protection.

My partner was never close to his stepfather because he felt he didn't treat his mom well at times. ie. as a teenager he tried to protect his mom from having objects thrown at her when his stepfather was drunk... He also felt his stepfather had a somewhat wandering eye for other ladies.

To cut to the chase, I did mention to him once that it was probably a good thing he never had a sister...she would have probably been abused by this guy. My partner agreed with me. Awful isn't it?

Needless to say, when I first knew my partner, he made sure his then teenage children never saw their grandfather. He really honestly felt he had to protect his children from any sexual abusive maneouvres, in his increased dementia. And no he never discussed his concerns with his mother, a gentle, honorable woman who died last year.

Anyway, I think it was better his children got to know their grandmother well and respect her wonderful values..which they did and honour memory of her.

I did meet his stepfather..only once briefly. And when I shook his hand..his gripped my hand abit hard...for a guy in his late 70's. I was already in my mid 30's. For all that I heard about the guy from my partner, I honestly didn't feel like getting to know the guy.

He died a few years later.
______________________________________
This whole discussion emphasizes it can't be love as the priority for a child. It must complete safety from harm for a child as 1st PRIORITY, then followed by love for a child.

It must be a nightmare for any child not to feel safe in their own home if they are sexually abused by another family member.

What is truly sad and scary alike is that no abuser I have ever seen or known of looked any different from everyone else. How are we suppose to know? There is no sign on their foreheads, same a serial killer. To me a serial killer and sexual abuser of children are nearly the same, the only difference is that the serial killer kills someone dead, ende of story! However with the sexual abuser, his victims go on to live long tormented and sometimes traqic lives, even repeating the abuse on others.

Celtic,
I don't think abuse ever goes away, the flashbacks and memories.
As I've said before, we just learn to live with it, set goals and
move forward. Everyone has something goin' on their life. It could be illness, either the individual or a family member or a love one; personal disability; physical or mental abuse by a spouse; mistreatment by family members; whatever. Most folks are hurting and carrying a cross of some kind!

Joyce Meyer is a TV evangelist; and an international missionary; an author. She's a housewife from Fenton, Missouri, about 50 something, years old. During her childhood, she was sexually abused by her dad. She married young. Her first husband was abusive, too. She had one child, when that spouse ran off. She met Dave Meyer and remarried. Her real name is Pauline, I think. But, for sound effects, Joyce goes better with Meyer. Her oldest boy runs her internation ministry. Her husband runs ministry finances. She has had many books on the New York Times Best Sellers List.

I just finished listening to Dotsie's & Lynn Tolson's teleseminar. As far as prevention goes, and that Power 'n Control issue, here is one point. If somewhere along the
line, parents could be warned to screen the people they
allow their children to babysit for, they may save some youngsters. One of my attackers was a professional man, I babysat for. I was taken by surprise. In those days everything was hush, hush. I was afraid of him; his power; his family; my family; and on and on. My point: If you let your children babysit, be careful who they babysit for!

My memories have never been repressed. And sexual abuse ruins
lives. Mental abuse ruins lives. I believe bibliotherapy helps
ease the hurt. Writing helps ease the hurt. But some scars never
completely fade.

Good teleseminar, Dotsie and Lynn!

thanks for sharring your view on degree of healing jabber.


i have always though of kids being abused by strange babysitters.

i never though of babysitters being abused by parents of the kids thir sitting for, strange eh! Thanks for mentioning that jebber

for some crimes some branding or forehead tatooing be usefull, especallie since the care to rehabilitate offenders relised back into the community. I'm not sure if i am joking about the tatoo or branding but just whishing it be as obviouse as that becouse of chattys point that they look no diffrent from any one else.

heer instinct a handy thing. As i have meet some adults that id just not let near my kids and its dowen to nything more than instinct. If i am wrong theirs no harm to the kids or them by keeping them seperate, if i right id just done the kid a massive favour.

its a true delema and balance has to come into it too, weer to draw the line.

i think some mums do know and forwhatever reasons let it happen in thir owen home.
I also think some mums don't know either becouse of manipulasion of abuser for child not to tell or a quite secritive type of kid. Although i do wonder how some parents can ignore some kids reactions to people and the reactions over the top...but they do


anyway as a lot of this type of talk has adults being abused talking about thir abuser. What is heared less often and perhapps never is a carings mums perspective or a careing dads perspective as to how they din't know or explaned some strange behaviours away. I know how easie it is for kids to be angery with parents who should have knowen

id just like to know of parents who have done everything to protect their kids yet they fell through the net somehow.

id like the parents experinse and parhapps thir be a lot of learning to protect our kids within those experinses.

id be devistated if it was to happen to L so i can imagine a parent not wanting to think of it as happening i think my reaction would be to pull plugg on the whatever that had upset him or had spooked me rather than risk ignorring potencial sighnes.

anyone brave enough to give thir experinse?

the figures being what they are then thir has to be parebnts that are in this forum whos kids have been abused?

if not is thir any litriture on this from a parents perspective?

Mom knew about the babysitting incident. But I never told her about the honorary uncle. She knew I hated going around any of that family but I never said why. She realized the doctor was jerk and ordered him to stay away from me.