YOu have a life ahead of you rich with possibilities of friendships that give the love and support that your parents can't give now. Continue on that path now.

Wow...Mustang...what an ordeal and what a life you've had to endure. First, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I was molested from the time I was 12 until I was 18...didn't talk about it or go to therapy until I was in my late 30's...I went to an incest group and found out so much about myself and got the help I needed.
In my therapy, there's a place that sounds like where you're at now...the little girl who was betrayed by the ones who were supposed to love you still looking for approval and acceptance and inclusion. But, honey, you have to realize that your family have their own huge set of problems and a lot of that is to place blame on the one they've done this to all your life...you. YOU are the one who has to make the change for yourself and the first thing I would do...if I were you...is to find a really good incest counselor/group. Not just a regular counselor...but one that specializes in incest. That's important. I can hear your desperation and you have so much poison within you that it sounds like it's finally festered to the surface and is bursting to get out...I can hear it in your words. You need major outside support right now in how to deal with your feelings and not anyone else's. Your counselor should be able to help you work through things as you tell him/her about them....but, until you allow this little girl inside you to get everything out to a counselor, she's never going to stop believing the things these people are telling you and she's never going to stop trying to find approval from people who probably never will be able to give it.
What you may not realize fully yet is that the answers are all within you. The approval of yourself has to come from within you. And the acceptance of yourself...and all that entails...has to come from within yourself. It's all there...it's just all hidden by your life and how you were/continue to be treated.
It's easy to say you've got to stop letting people treat you this way, but when that's all you know and it sounds to me you've got some doozies who are experts at guilt and manipulation...it's tough. You aren't going to do this alone...I hope you'll be able to get some counseling and start working on what's important...and that is you...wonderful, sweet Mustang.
But, for now please do me a favor. Put your arms around yourself and the little girl I know is inside you and squeeze really, really hard. Tell her you love her...tell her you're worthy...tell her you will find a way for her to get out and be free of all this. Then tomorrow find someone you can talk to that's a professional. I speak from experience. It was the best thing I ever did and just dealing with the incest alone will make such a difference in you. If you can work on that, you will be amazed at how much inner strength you will discover and will surface. You're tougher than you think sweetie...I know...the little girl in me was found, was validated by no one else but myself and you know what?...that was enough. That's all that's ever enough when it comes down to it. We are all we have...so, I hope you'll think about this and begin to change your life by getting help for that little girl first...we love you here and you are important to us.

Mustang,
Dee has given excellent advice. I feel connected here because so many of you have been through childhood abuse. What happened to me couldn't really be called incest, because the abuser was an honorary "uncle." But writing about the ordeal was a release, even if it was in abstract format. And what Dee advises is golden: Get it on the outside. Release all that pain, which has been poisoning your emotions. Prayers and blessings...

Dee, I was shocked to read that you had this happen to you too. This is crazy. I had no idea that molestation and abuse is so common. Just look at the statistics in this forum! Although I have never been through what you ladies have gone through, it makes me wonder about how sick a male sex drive can be. What is with these men? What is wrong with them? And I ask myself what do they do to be able to keep the little girls mum as to what is going on.

AND I don't understand how on earth a mother can's sense that something is very wrong? It's terrible.

Jabber...you're as much a victim as the rest of us who went through sexual abuse...An 'honorary' Uncle was a person who should have protected you...not abuse you. It counts...they all count, sweetheart.
Edelweiss...my dad was in complete control...of everyone and everything, especially his wife and daughters. His controlling tactic was fear, strictness, punishment and humiliation. I was twelve years old waiting for my step-mom to come out of the bathroom when it started (that I remember). I was leaning against the wall day dreaming about something...my dad walked in, came over to me, pressed himself against my body and kissed me, forcing his tongue into my mouth...I felt something hard against my body but didn't, at the time, know what it was. In that moment I went from a relatively normal little girl (normal to me, anyway) to what would be the start of a train wreck called my life until I started getting help many, many years later.
When this started, I just knew I could never say anything because of how he controlled every other aspect of my life and because I didn't know I could tell anyone because I didn't comprehend truly what was happening. My dad could send me to hell with just one look and it was that look that helped keep me silent. I was too afraid. He'd shaped my whole life through control and when a child never has a voice about anything, we remain silent.

E.W., Most of these sicko abusers pick out the quieter child, one that would and is easier to frighten or convince his abuse is a loving thing. Fathers use that one. I wish I knew who my abuser was, I haven't a clue. I remember he had dark, hairy arms and I was always attracted to that later in life, was I sick? Maybe! I was aldeady damaged by then.

When I was 15 my family and I moved back to Indiana from California, my mom was expecting and hated being so far from her family. We had to stay at my Aunts house until we found a place and I slept on the couch in the den. I woke up one night feeling strange and as I opened my eyes there stood my Aunts husband looking down at me. He had pulled my cover down to reveal my panties and t-shirt.

NOTE:

This is the Uncle everyone called Uncle Friendly and he had tried to molest every female in our family from my Aunts sisters on down, and had been caught BUT no one ever said a word except to him because they/we all loved my Aunt, his wife so, that no one wanted to hurt her. She was a devout Christian woman who adored him and her children.

Anyway he sat on the edge of the couch and when he tried to fondle my breasts I politely reached down and gave his 'boys' such a sqeeze, he fell onto the floor writhing in pain. I said now get the hell out of here you ugly old fart. He never tried anything again, not with me anyway.

On, the Dr. Phil show some expert he had on said, that 1 in every 2 female children are molested by relatives usually before the age on 2. And with the economy and jobs and stress growing in this country, look for molestations to escalate.

Sex isn't love in these instances, its POWER, and some of these men will have lost 'all' of their power to the situation of the nation.

This is no where near as horrendous as what many of you have gone through, but for the sake of showing how prevalent molestation may be, let me share this story.

In the mid 60's, I was in middle school where my grandfather happened to be the principal. And English teacher there, who was highly thought of and revered in the community, was a dirty old man. Whenever he would talk with one of the girls in the class, he would put his hand on her knee, and then gently let it creep up closer and closer.

I told my grandfather that he had done this to me. he was incredulous. I told my folks, and they were dumbfounded, too. This behavior never occured again in the class that I attended, but I doubt that he stopped in other classes.

"Immie" retired after that year. My grandfather died the next year, and I never did find out if anything more. I know he was talked to, because he stopped. I suspect he was encouraged to retire.

Ya'll, I'm sorry that some of us share these experiences. Its true that these monsters choose the weaker child to harm. In my case, my parents were separated and my sister and I lived w/ our paternal grandparents in Oklahoma. I had to share a room w/ my uncles and my sister slept on a cot in my grandparent's room. I did not understand, and still don't. Given that it was a small 3-bed, one bath (tub only) house with 6 (7 when dad came home on weekends) individuals -- one would think the adults knew what was happening. While my parents were mad at each other, us girls were scared to silence (another key word and fear inhibitor we share). Many molested children do not have a champion and support system, nor anyone to confront the molester.

I believe this is another reason why I was attracted to abusive types. Why my sister has 4 children by 4 men. From an early age we thougth sex was dirty and we deserved to be treated as dirt.

I've read your "stories" and I am so sorry that so many of you have endured abuse of any kind. The statistics are 1 in 3 women will be molested by the time they are age 18, and 1 in 4 men. Those are numbers that are reported. Imagine the increase in numbers if all that experienced abuse had reported. That does not happen because the perpetrators scare the victims into silence. Sometimes the threats do as much harm as the acts. And incest and sexual abuse is not something that just happens, like a random accident on the street. The perpetrators use power and control and manipulation and deception to target their victims. Abuse of any kind ruins lives, for we never know how our human potential might have been met if we had been left to our own normal development. Of course, we become "attracted" to that which is familiar. Sometimes we unconsciously recreate a scenario, with the underlying intent of taking control. So many are hurting for a lifetime, or their lives are cut short. So sad

I'm abit shocked by the frequency of childhood sexual abuse just occurring in this tiny group of women.

Perhaps this is verging on abuse but my mother was there to champion/defend me. When I was teenager I had to see a dermatologist about my severe acne problem on..my face. yet the dermatologist asked that I removed my blouse and I was just wearing my bra. He wanted to check if i was growing armpit hair ..sign of maturing girl??? My mother was there in the same doctor's rm. as I and when she saw this, her facial expression turned to outrage,doctor saw her facial expression and the doctor asked me to put on my blouse.

After the dermatology appointment, my mother raged with bewilderment why on earth he did what he did. She was furious and told my father. I think I did see the dermatologist again but he never asked to unclothe my top.

YOu have got to realize this is the same mother who cannot speak English and who right now is tough for me to deal with because she just is critical.

She is also a woman with a fiery temper but redirected in the right way, with her limited English, she has proven to defend her children if her heart/head instincts tell her right. It is most likely my somewhat strong communication style...I inherited from my mother. She is a mother who yelled at her children at times. But as I said, she can redirect that fury/energy onto someone else to defend her own children.

This is one example I give, that a mother if she is strong in herself, she will do anything to protect her child from abuse.

My parents were strict,..because of newspaper stories of incest, child abuse..they didn't allow us, while we were children and teenagers to sleep over at other people's homes.

I kid you not. That is how much we were (overly) protected.