Chick, I'm sorry and understand. I've had to deal w/ an ex-wife (who is now married to husband no. 5). She tried to run me over once while married to no. 3!

I pray ya'll are able to come to a solution.

Sounds like this woman (the mean girlfriend) is trying to please & hold onto her man, a man she is not married to and whom he has chosen not to marry. Thus, he gets free milk and this is how she makes him pay for it, perhaps?

I hope you are recording every phone call that has anything to do with them keeping D from you... and keeping notes, along the way, too.
If you mail him anything at home, he probably won't get it.
If you can, set up a contact through a clergy person or a librarian or a social worker near D, and create communications through one of them. I'm afraid this scenario isn't uncommon... which is so sad. Put your noodle cap on and think of all the ways to outsmart the gal of your daughter's X. You should have more power than a girlfriend! We'll help in anyway. No worthy grandmother should be kept from their grandchildren.

AS FOR some women being so hateful...that is a age old question. They must be lacking something in their lives to have to resort to hatefulness.

I posted and it got lost. So here goes again.

I don’t think there is anything quite frustrating as being treated poorly when you have only good intentions. It’s as if the instigator is jealous of the competition or wants to show he/she has the say.

Writing letters and sending fun cards is a great suggestion MA. When I think back how my sons were when they were 8, they were rather tight lipped on the phone. Kids love getting mail, and maybe your grandson will tell you more through a letter, than on the phone, in case the stepmother is listening. Send him the stamps for the return letters, and tell him to throw them in the mail box himself. (the step mother from hell would probably open and censor his letters).

Stay strong Chick. Love conquers all!

Hi Chickadee, I am new here but had to pipe up about this. It's obvious that she has definite insecurity issues among other things. Is there a way that you could write a letter to the dad and the gf letting them know that you just miss your grandson and are not trying to interfere in their lives. Something very cordial, not so emotional (albeit difficult), and maybe send them a fruit or gift basket of some sort. I'm a firm believer of the more bees w/ honey adage;) Anyways, sorry you have to experience this. Good luck and keep us apprised of what happens.

Here's another thought. This child won't be 8 forever...what will they do then? They cannot control a 13 year old who says, "I don't want to come see you anymore...you were mean to me." So the Dad better start thinking about that.

I think the letter writing is a great idea, only I would send him THERE with the paper and envelopes already stamped. Why? The woman would probably never give him anything you send in the mail, and that way, he could write and put it in the mail without her knowledge, maybe.

Here's the thing. What does this kind of sneaky behavior do to this child's psyche? He has to wonder why he has to be sneaky in the first place? He has to know or hear these conversations back and forth? I think it says so little of the Dad to put him through it. Wonder what a judge would think of it?

Hi Chick,
This must be so tough for you and your grandson. (By the way, when I met you in Vegas there was no way I would have guessed you're a grandma! You look like you're 22!)

A cell phone is a good idea, so long as the woman doesn't take it away from him. I hate it when kids are involved in adult manipulations.

K

The gal is experiencing step-child jealousy. Even though they are not married, it happens.

My step-grandmother was jealous of my mother and her brothers. She did horrible things to them. I just don't know why that happens. Does this gal have kids of her own?

I'm a stepmother and I feel NO jealousy. But it's the nature of the beast I suppose.

Sad and I'm sorry you have to see that. But I agree that just let them have "their" visiting time. When he gets home, you'll have him all to yourself. Eventually he'll see where proper love is shown. It'll all come out in the wash.

This is why "God hates divorce". There is so much suffering and sadly, the kids are the brunt of it all.

Chick,

I hope the time passes quickly until your precious D is back home. I think the cell phone for next year is a great idea. Unfortunately, I doubt he would ever get anything you mail him.

But you could write him letters now and mail them to your daughter's so he will have a bunch of love from Grandma when he gets home. You can also send him a packet of a 'note a day' next year when he goes. Not quite the same as getting to hear his voice...but he'll have a constant reminder of how much you love him!

First of all, many sympathies. I'll have to assume that your grandson is being treated decently, otherwise I'll be getting upset myself.

I am so sorry this happens, but really, this is what we train women to do and this is how we tend to handle divorce. In our culture, we accept the idea that severing all ties with the first family is the best way to go. The second wife is seen as a homewrecker, no matter how much of a philanderer the husband has been. And the second wife (or husband in a lot of cases) tends to view the first family as competition and The Enemy. This makes no sense, of course, when there are children involved, but we seem to have decided that the children are better-equipped to deal with the adults' foolishness.

I'd suggest killing them with kindness: tell the father that you respect his position as the dad, thank the stepmom for being there for your grandson, and say all you'd like to do is be able to say hi to your grandson, say, once a week, and is that all right? Send them flowers; apologize; appeal to their better natures. Learn to say, "Hi, I hope you are doing well. How are both the boys?" when the stepmom answers the phone. Like it or not, families grow when there is a divorce and remarriage. She and her son need to be a part of your friendly circle, just as you want your grandson to be part of hers.

If things go well, you can ask to send small gifts for both the boys -- just one -- or pay for a treat for them while your grandson is up there.

I suspect your ex-son-in-law just sees you as another pissed-off women clacking at him on the phone (don't think I'm not sympathetic, but he's there and you're here.) If he has to make a choice, he sure will take your anger over his wife's. Make nice for everyone's sake; it will be better for all of you in the long run. I hope this didn't sound rude; I'm just trying to problem solve in my weird way. Best wishes.

Chick my heart hurts for you girl. I'll be praying they are treating your precious grandson well. Don't know why people are this way with children.

Once he's home again you'll be able to hug and kiss him and know all is well.