chatty, I want to be like your mom when I grow up...still traveling at that age. Yes!

Dotsie, my mother will speak her mind for sure if she doesn't like the companion. But if I ask her first, I know she'sll say no. I'll just introduce this person or persons to her, and let her then decide. This might be a little sneaky, but I think it's the only way.
I'll put an add in this week...let you all know what happens.

Sounds good. Are you going through an eldercare agency?

No, we have an agency that does help out, but they don't do a companion service.

Be sure to check references. We even went thorugh an agency to find someone and a few days after hiring her, our loved one's wallet was missing. Sounds crazy, but the woman never returned to the job after that day. She kept coming up with excuses about why she couldn't make it to work. It was then that we suspected perhaps she had taken the wallet. Not a good thing. We never did anything about it, but we won't use that agency again. Be careful.

Just wanted to let you know I found a lovely lady that takes my Mom out to concerts, theatre and rides once to two times a week.

I got over 150 answers to my newspaper add...good grief! I filtered a lot out, and then filtered out further through telephone calls. Finally I decided on a lady living in our area.

I invited her over for coffee and cake, and invited my Mom as well. They hit it off immediately, and my mother suggested they do things together. How cool is that? And my mom didn't even know that I planned this companion thing for her! Of course I told her afterwards, and she thought it was very funny. We pay the lady the tickets, car use and $8.00/ hr. It's worth every penny for me to have a break, and for my mother to keep her independence.

That's great, Hannelore! Really, really good news and happy for you and your Mom. You're so lucky to have found someone from your area as well. All the best.

Hannelore, I'm so glad you found someone whose company she enjoys. I look forward to hearing more stories about them. Your mom seems so agreeable. That's a bonus!

A little over a year ago, we were looking for a companion for a loved one. We didn't have nearly the luck you had. I can't believe you had all those responses. We even went through agencies and could hardly find a soul. And when we did, she hung around for a week or so, and then our loved one's wallet got lost/stolen. She helped him look for it and it was never found. Then she never showed up for work again. We put two and two together and figured she must have stolen the wallet. What a sad situation that was. We dropped that agency and that was that.

Be careful to keep your mom's valuables locked up, or at your home.

Thanks for the warning Dotsie. I don't think I have anything to worry about. She's an excectuive secretary at our high school, and has a lovely home in our area. She lost her Mom a few years ago and misses her terribly, so she said this is a two way street for her. Besides, she never goes into my mother's apartment. They always meet infront of the building.

I was realy surprised at the response as well...but I do have a feeling there were quite a few "gold-diggers" among them.

Hi, I'm Carol, and yes, I experienced a similar situation. At 86, my mother suffere with Parkinson's, and although that was about the time I insisted she stop driving--and took her keys--and then began coordinating her care on a much more intense level than before (but not as intense as it would become).

My mother fell several times before she would finally allow for more care. By 88, she had become afraid of falling, and at 89, she consented to move in with us.

It's a journey, and it all takes getting used to.

You will most likely have to continue stepping up your responsibilities and "Mothering Mother" (that's my book title, so there's a bit of a pun in my using it here).

I know I waited too long for some things--a few I regret--but I know that I loved her and respected her and didn't want her to just "give up."

You won't do everything right--so lay that one down.
But already, I read your words and know how much you care.
She's blessed to have you.

You'll grapple with each decision, but be good to yourself.
After years of caregiving--and writing all the along the way--I learned in retrospect to cut all of us (my mom, me, my kids, family...) some slack.

Hope something I've said helps.
~Carol
author of...(you guessed it:)) Mothering Mother: A Daughter's Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir.
www.mothering-mother.com