We are moving my Mom tomorrow. This is the 3rd move over the course of several years' time. The first move was from the apartment she lived in with my Dad (and where she stayed for many years after he passed away) to a retirement home where you had to be able to take care of yourself but meals could be had in a communal dining room, and she had her own apartment there, though much smaller than the one she left. A couple of years ago we moved her to a place where they did more -- such as cleaning her apartment weekly, laundering sheets & towels. Again smaller apartment, the staff took care of more things. Moving her this Friday to one room(private room), with an attached bathroom, where they will take care of all her meals, her medications, help her get dressed, etc. This is more like a real nursing home. Each time we've moved her, we've gotten rid of more and more of her stuff, and the size of her space gets smaller. She keeps saying she's lived too long. Her dementia is getting pretty bad. It's never easy to deal with this, is it?? As we keep going thru her stuff I can't hlep but wonder if sooner or later she and her stuff are just going to disappear.

Crosstitch Queen, I can empathize with your pain ...I went thru the exact same thing with my Father and my MotherInLaw over the last few years...the most difficult part for me was to watch these once vibrant personalities slowly fade and then seem to as you say "disappear" before my eyes..Daddy had Alzheimers but could still remember things from his early life and so I would try to draw him out by asking him about his college years or his days in the Army...at those times he would become animated and I could see glimpses of the way he was...stay strong...and good luck with the move tomorrow....
God Bless you and your Mom.

Fact thats sad but true CrosstitchQueen is that eventually we, and out stuff will all seem to simply disappear.

That's why when I see these hoarders of stuff so worried about it that I remember the saying my dear grandmother had:

There are NO U-hauls at the cemetery!

It is so hard for those of us that have to endure the time in between while watching our loved one fading away slowly.

Praying for her and for you.

I've been going through the same thing you have been going through Crossstitch. It makes me more aware how my own precious life is, and to ENJOY as much as possible NOW.

Mom's dementia is SO tough to deal with. She handled the move well yesterday, but today was teary and complaining and impossible to deal with. Someone recommended a book called The 36 Hour Day, written to help people in our situation. I picked up a copy today and have glanced thru it.......need to sit down and read more. It's kind of a guide book and has a lot of good points and suggestions.
Am hoping her adjustment period will be short and she will settle in. Right now I'm dealing with every emotion under the sun.

Just wanted to add..........the book is definitely worth reading if you're dealing with someone with dementia. Helps you understand why they say and do what they do, and also helps you to realize you are not alone, as well as offering good suggestions on how to cope with them.
Went to visit Mom yesterday and the difference between yesterday and the day before was like night and day. Yesterday she was cheerful and relaxed and all was well. I felt much better afterwards but of course there's not telling what the next time will be like. One day at a time.

Crosstitch, we are moving my FIL today. I was already at the new place this morning with my sister-in-law, setting up his room. Ross is workign a half day. When he gets off, we're moving his dad, and his last few things at the other Alzheimer's facility.

The place he lived in was an assisted living place for people with Alzheimer's. Since breaking his hip about six weeks ago, he now needs care 24/7. For the past two weeks, we had that care for him, and still do at the moment, but it's extremely expensive to pay for the place, and 24/7 care on top of it. The24/7 care alone is $18.00 an hour. I'm not saying they don't deserve it, but add that to the cost of the home, plus he still has his other home and property, and it gets pricey.

We are moving him to the home directly behind our home, walking distance. It's the same home where my kids grew up visiting and singing with church, parading through on Halloween, etc.

At this home, they have one care provider for every four residents. They said they've never had to have 24/7 care for anyone, ever. Let's pray he isn't the first.

I'm so glad your mom had a better day. Isn't it amazing how the mood changes hourly? This disease is insane.

That's a great book. The author happens to be my FIL's doctor. He's a neighbor of ours and is absolutely the nicest guy you'd ever want to meet. And his wife is the nicest lady you'd ever want to meet. He's invited Ross to his home to discuss his dad's care. He also did a visit at the home last week because it was easier for him to get there than for us to get FIL to office.

Anyway, I devoured that book. I could probably benefit from reading it again because the last time I read it, he was in the early stages. His disease has definitley progressed.

Sending empathy from Towson, MD.

Oh, another good book is The Everything Alzheimer's Book.

And an excellent novel about the subject is Still Alice. I highly recommend it. I read it in a day. It really hleps you understand what it's like to be the patient.

Wow, how cool that the author of the book is your FIL's doctor.......you know he really knows his stuff. I'd like to have that much confidence in my mother's doctors but sometimes I wonder.
I will definitely look for those other books. I found The 36 Hour Day in a used bookstore and it's been the best $1.50 I ever spent, believe me! Am passing it on to my brother and SIL -- although something tells me my brother won't bother to read it and if he does he won't get as much out of it. He is not very patient or understanding about any of this. Bless my SIL she's been a rock thru all this.
So far we're doing ok on the financial end of things which is the only part of it all that my brother is good at. He's useless when it comes to dealing with my mother.
Thanks for the book recommendations.
Between this and some other issues going on around here I'm finding myself feeling wierdly one step away from tears at times when I least expect it. I haven't been this weepy in years.

Crosstitch and Dotsie, my heart breaks for you girls when I read your posts..I can physically feel your pain when I hear what you are enduring...I went through the same thing with my Father for about 6 years and then my mother in law for a short time...it feels so unnatural as the child of your parent to be faced with making the decisions that affect every minute of their lives.

My father was what my husband called a "malcontent"..after my Mom died he wanted to move...so we moved him and then he wanted to move again..so we moved him again..at that time he began to exhibit some signs of dementia..and then I realized all of the moves he kept insisting on were because he was trying to run away from the inevitable...maybe his lonely life without my Mom or perhaps even death..when I came to understand that I felt unbelievably sad and it allowed me to feel much more compassionate toward him. However...his mood swings were a constant source of upsetment for me because I wanted him to be if not happy then at least content...My husband and I handled all of this on our own because my sister was completely missing in action..it's good that you ladies have other siblings to share with...I held so much in because I didn't want to whine to my friends and sound like a downer and as a result I ended up with a wicked case of IBS which later resulted in a bleeding ulcer...Like you Ann...I cried alot...the best advice I can give is to find someone you can talk to..and share all of your feelings...no matter how terrible you think they sound...and tell yourself you are not a bad person for feeling these things..no one wants to watch our parents go through this awful disease!!! My best friend is going through this with her Mom right now..and the best gift I can give her is to just allow her to unload on me..negative feelings and all. So I'm here for you Ann if you ever just want to talk. PM me and I can call you.

Dotsie I am thrilled that you have so much support for your FIL..and having him that close to you will be such a blessing..that way you can pop in for 15 minutes just to say hi without making a day out of it like some have to do when they have a long drive to and from the home.

God Bless you both ..and please know you are in my prayers and have my ear whenever you need it..