About a month ago I discovered that my ex-husband has already remarried. This is his 4th marriage. W/in 3 mths of our divorce (after 3 mth separation) he had a personal ad and they only dated for less than a year. We've been divorced for 2 years and and 3 months. They've married for almost a year. I've discovered that she owns her own home, thus no mortgage, and is 10 years older than I, and 2 years older than he. My ex is in the military and she is a 20 year retired vet now working as civil service.

In essence, he found someone with no financial obligations (he does not like to spend money on anyone but himself) and will basically do that which he desires. I am the opposite, very strong willed and goal oriented. He did not like that and tried to control me (which became devastating to me b/c he was abusive).

That part of my life is over, yet I was shocked to know that he married so quickly. It rather proves that he did not care that much for me nor a relationship, especially if he can hop so quickly from one to the other. (We married and divorced each other 2X - and during the 1st separation he was already engaged to his 2nd ex-wife w/in a month of our separation).

That is all over, thankfully. Yet, have any of your spouses remarried that quickly, and if so, how did you handle the situation? Guess there is nothing I can do, nor would I, and it no longer suprises me, but was shocking at first. Actually, perhaps I thought I'd be the one to remarry first.

Mustang, I don't think it matters that much how long you are away from them or what jerks they are. It still hurts and is another (the last) you have to get over.

When my son got married, I had been divorced from his dad for 10 yrs. He is definitely not the kind of man I would be interested in spending 5 minutes with now and yet at the wedding, I had all these feelings, mostly anger, I think. When he finally married the woman he cheated with, I felt hurt because it was a reminder of his rejection and at the same time I was glad she ended up with him, because she didn't get a prize, that's for sure. He dated her for 10 years after we divorced, then married her.

It sounds like your ex is a serial marry-er and I bet this one won't be his last.

Daisygirl

Am I having a flashback or have we had this exact same story posted earlier by someone else and I mean the same exact situation?? Eerie!

My ex was hot and heavy with a girlfriend three months after we separated (and I have suspicions that she was around way even longer, that she is the reason he became so unhappy with our home life). He eventually married her and had a child (and he never wanted children when he was with me. He says he's "grown up now." Isn't that special).

I've remained single since the divorce in 2000, and have no plans to change my status. I love men to death, but don't know if I ever want "one of my very own" ever again.

The longer I live alone, the more I like it. Probably not a good way to be, but for now at least, that's how it is.

Whirlwind

Good for you, first learn to love yourself, thats the key. As someone stated, don't remember who, its when you aren't looking that life sends you someone to love...Me I walk around with one eye closed, wonder if that counts....

Chatty, you're a riot.

Whirlwind, I htink you have the right attitude. If it works for now, keep up the good work.

Hi MustangGal

If this helps any, statistically speaking the divorce rate is on the uprise. In our County alone, the divorce rate for 1st time marriages is 75% and 2nd time marriages is 95%. There are no statistics for 3rd or 4th....probably because they have fallen off the charts.

I only know this because I work in the "system" and we receive quarterly reports.

Sadly but true, many times divorcees do not take the time to grow from their experience of divorce. They merely put a bandaid on it. They get remarried because they try to cover the pain of their divorce as well as the loneliness they feel.

My experience with divorce is to allow yourself time to heal, grow and learn about yourself. Believe in yourself, love yourself, and find out what YOUR needs and wants are.

Once you are completely satisfied and content, you will feel an overwhelming amount of knowledge. This will then be carried into your new relatioship.

When you get to that point, you will then be able to share these wonderful qualities that you have to offer with someone new.

The bandaid will not work because you will not need it. You will be healed.

Good luck!
Teresa

Mustang gal,
Maybe you're not ready to remarry so you are taking your time realizing your worth, enjoying yourself. It's not a contest or a run to the next I do's. He doesn't seem to be learning from his mistakes- you can and WILL!!!
I remember the day my ex remarried- after calling me up to tell me he still loved me- I slammed down the phone- thanked my lucky stars that I had escaped with my life and a wee bit of my sanity and threw a party!

My first husband tells my kids that he still loves me. It makes me want to vomit because he didn't love me then and sure doesn't now. I don't know what he's trying to prove other than he doesn't have an ounce of sense. I don't get some of these guys.

I know with me........I was really insecure and codependent in my 20's. I was attracted to the wrong kind of men. Married my ex husband and became his caretaker.

I put him first and me last.

Noone is worth this. Noone is worth lowering our own self worth for. Noone is worth lowering our own personal standards for.

It took along time for me to love myself again. It took even longer to realize what MY needs were.

But once I did.......I never looked back. Not even for a split second. If I did, I would have died. Literally.

Teresa