I am hoping some of you have been thru this. Here's the scenario...

My step-daughter is about to (in two months) have grandbaby no. 1. Neither birth parent lives nearby. Her Mom is a plane ride away and her Dad (my DH) is 5 hours away by car.

BM is spending a whole month with DSD and her DH prior to due date. Then two weeks afterwards (supposedly)

DH wants to be there but we are not "allowed" to stay in DSD's house along with BM. I guess too much going on in the house with FIVE other adults other than the new Mom and baby.

How has anyone here handled this?

DH thinks he wants to go when baby is born (IF her labor lasts longer than five hours, that is!!) But we would have to stay in a motel, which is costly and not what we can easily pay.

We thought of just waiting two weeks after the BM leaves and going then. But I have a feeling that DH will be yearning to see his new grandbaby almost immediately!

Since I've never had babies, I do not know how it "feels" to have a child having a baby...especially the Dad side of it.

Please help!

Di......it really has nothing to do with the family.
It has to do with the Mom and the baby.
Mom needs time to get used to her new baby, and that means the family has to back off.
Mom is going to be really tired after giving birth, and then trying to deal with family is the last thing on her mind.
Hope this wasn't to strong. But darn, I'm only thinking of the new Mama and her baby.
Lynne

Ok, I kinda figured that. I guess, with divorce, one of the parents is gonna be out of the picture.

I told DSD that, even though her parents are divorced they still, naturally, want to be a part of the whole thing. Even though her Dad is not there like the Mom is, he still has the same feelings he would if they were still married.

We kinda figured that. Thanks, Lynne. Like I said, I have no idea how everyone feels, so I need to be set straight.

I think that her Dad should be there as well, with my staying home. But he will not go without me. I have no problem stepping aside since I am not the BM/BGM, but he will not do it.

Oh well.......such are the ramifications of divorce. This is why the Lord HATES divorce, I believe. Or at least, one of the reasons anyway.

I was going to say what LSmith said exactly.

After I had my baby I was so tired the last thing I wanted to see were any relatives. My mom just happened to be shopping with me when I went into labor. If she hadn't been my husband would've called her after the baby was born.

My husband's dad and step mom didn't see the baby until a couple months later. They were much older and lived 75 miles away. The only problem I had with any of it was that there was no immediate greeting by way of flowers or some visible sign. I actually liked my husband's step mother a great deal. I miss her the most. She's been gone almost 7 years now. They spent 11 Christmases with us.

I think in time you'll fit in too because you seem to be such a sweet, caring woman.

Thank you, Ladybug,for the reminder of the acknowledgement. I am thinking we wont' be there for a couple of weeks, so a basket or something would be most appropriate. Maybe a basket of disposable diapers!! I'd rather be practical than give them something they have to dust and care for!

I think we will be fine. It's the dynamics that are so confusing, ya know? And the kids did not ask for their parents to be divorced either. It should not be THEIR problem anyway!

Being a stepmom comes with a whole new set of dilemmas.

I'm with the other ladies here. Send something to let her know you're thinking of her and maybe a note that you will visit when things have calmed down a bit. Just so she knows you care.

I was always with my daughter when she gave birth but not with my DIL. I felt her mom needed to be there for her. I never wanted them to feel I was moving in on their time together. It's a tricky situation.

Di, has your husband talked with his daughter about when he'll be able to see the baby? She amy be able to solve your dilemna. Maybe she'll tell you exactly when you can visit.

Also, I know five hours away is a long drive, but would you consider doing it in a day? All you really need to do is lay your eyes on the baby and give the mom a great big hug. It would be a big sacrifice for both of you, but if you are thinking of the new family it might be worth it.

I recently took my dad to see his great-grand daughter who lives an hour and a half away. We jumped in the car, drove down, took lunch and ate with them, gave them dinner for later which I made ahead of time, held the baby, looked at pictures, then turned around and came home. Short visits are appreciated by new parents.

Di, I think a basket of disposable diapers is a wonderful idea. You can't believe how much a newborn goes through these.

I think you're being too hard on yourself about divorce. You sound like a very thoughtful person. Lots of good folks are divorced and there are many excellent reasons why they should be. It doesn't mean that these are not good people. I truly believe that God makes dispensations in some cases.

There's no reason why a divorce should make any parent out of the picture unless they were truly horrible in the reasons that caused the divorce.

I guess in those extreme cases (and I suppose there are a lot of them) it's only natural for a child to feel some animosity to the parent who caused it.

Di, you, on the other hand are trying to be a considerate step mom, so give yourself a break here. If you weren't thoughtful and kind you wouldn't be asking these questions you'd just go ahead and do whatever you wanted.

[ December 06, 2005, 06:37 PM: Message edited by: ladybug ]