DIY = "do it yourself"

Oh the things women go through
Wax is not your friend!

** CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out loud...I
laughed till I almost
cried as I could just see this happening!

All hair removal methods have tricked women with
their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady,
scissors, razors, Nair And now...the wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight.

Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids.

I then had the thought that would ring painfully in

my mind for the

next few hours:

"Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the

medicine cabinet."

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.

It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a

clump of

hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your

hand, they get

warm and you peel them apart and press them to your

leg (or wherever

else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no

fuss. How hard can it

be?

I

mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically

inclined enough to figure

this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips

facing each other

stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my

genius kicks in so

I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000

degrees. ("Cold wax,"

yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh.

Hold the skin around it

tight and pull.



It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it

wasn't too bad.

I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!

I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and

maker of

smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking

on the kids, I sneak



back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair

fighting championship.

I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip

across the right side of

my bikini line, covering the right half of my

*hoo-hoo* and stretching

down

to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long

strip) I inhale deeply

and

brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!





I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY

GOSH!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to

pull off half the

strip. DARN!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!!

Everything is swirly and

spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay

conscious...Do I hear

crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to

normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the

one that has caused

me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.

I want to revel in the

glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up

the strip!

There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS

THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on

the toilet.

I see the hair. The hair that should be on the

strip. I touch.

I am touching wax. DARN! I run my fingers over the

most sensitive part of

my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted

hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot

is still propped up

on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I

put my foot down.

DANG!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door.

*Hoo-Hoo*?? sealed shut!

Butt?? Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure

out what

to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get

the urge to poop.

My head may pop off!"

What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water

melts wax!!!

I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the

bathtub, get in, immerse

the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I

can gently wipe it off,

right???

WRONG!!!!!!!

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than

that used to

torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical

equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether

regions glued together

is having them glued together and then glued to the

bottom of the

tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way,

doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though

I had

cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!

God bless the man who had convinced me a few months

ago to have a phone

put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed

before and has some

secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good

conversation starter -

"So, my butt and hoo-hoo are glued together to the

bottom of

the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't

know any secret tricks

for

removal

but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She

wants to know exactly



where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or

hoo-hoo?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I

give her the rundown

and she suggests I call the number on the side of

the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!!

I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to

scraping the wax off

with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your

girlie goodies

covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in

super hot water and

then

dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a

major hike and I'm

pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress

counseling for this

event. My friend is still talking with me when I

finally see my saving

grace.... the lotion they give you to remove the

excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub

some on and OH MY

GOSH!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the

dickens out of my

friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.

IT WORKS!! It works!!

I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she

hangs up.

I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and

then notice to my

grief and despair....



THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.



Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at

this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

Now that's funny . Notttttttttt

Send this on to other ladies who need a good laugh