HOPE I DON'T OFFEND ANYONE WITH THE BELOW!

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards..

The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father."

The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."

The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many."

The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!'

The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?", he asked.

She said, "Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits. I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your cassock perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, but I must warn you, I will not lie", replied the Priest.

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.", she assured him.

When they got to Customs, she let the Priest go ahead of her.

The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

The Priest replied, "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so he prodded, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

The Priest stated, "I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but, which is to date...unused."

Here's another.

There was a painter who had fallen on really hard times and was running out of paint. He started thinning his paint with water so it would go farther. One day, he was commissioned to paint a Church so, he starts working. When he gets done he hears a loud voice that says: "Repaint and thin no more."

God is sitting in Heaven when a scientist says to Him.

"God, we don't need you anymore. Science has finally figured out a way to create life out of nothing. In other words, we can now do what You did in the beginning."

"Oh, is that soooooo? Tell Me...", replies God.

"Well," says the scientist, "we can take dirt and form it into the likeness of You and breath life into it, thus creating man."

"Well, that's very interesting...show Me.", said God.

So, the scientist bends down to the earth and starts to mold the soil into the shape of a man.

"No, no, no..." interrupts God, "Make your own dirt."

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in-between the pages.

"Mom, look what I found!" the boy called out.

"What have you got there, dear?"

With impish delight in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear."

I firmly believe God has a devilish humor!

Make your own dirt! I LOVE IT! I've always felt that God surely must have a sense of humor. I mean He DID give us laughter....and my ex-husband. Two things that make me giggle.