When we launched Fabulously40.com, our marketing director urged me not to write any blogs, articles or postings that addressed the topic of how our bodies begin to deteriorate as we age. At 30-something, she considered it a depressing aspect of getting older, and insisted that no one wanted to hear or talk about. Reluctantly, I agreed.

When I suddenly started having “eye” issues, I said nothing. When I began soaking myself in oils and creams because my skin was too dry, I didn’t mention it. When sciatic pain began to wake me up at night, I didn’t write about it. When I began to get pink blotches on my face, I masked it with makeup and tried to ignore it. When I somehow tore my rotator cuff and the doctor suggested surgery, again I remained silent. Every time a doctor announced that another of my conditions was “chronic,” I cringed but honored my word.

Well, ladies, I will remain silent no more!

Last night I returned home from a business meeting, exhausted from driving for several hours. Skipping dinner, I decided to go straight to bed. I didn’t stress over my kids’ activities or next day’s chores, I just took a shower and fell asleep. When my husband came to bed, I woke up and noticed that my lips felt dry (another new condition I have acquired in the last few months). I applied some Chapstick and went peacefully back to sleep.

Three hours later, I awoke with the very unusual feeling of “dribbling” lips. I nodded off again and awoke an hour later, this time feeling like my lips were “all over my face.” I jumped out of bed, and turned on the light. The face I saw in the mirror was beyond my comprehension.

Good Lips Gone Bad

Sometime during the night, Ronald McDonald had taken over my body and adorned it with his enormous bright red lips. I looked like a woman whose lip injection treatments had gone really bad. I tried to recall what I had eaten during the day and what I had done the night before, thinking that perhaps I was having an allergic reaction. But I couldn’t come up with anything. At 3:00 in the morning, the only logical conclusion was that after so many years of marriage, I had become allergic to my husband.

Thinking that antihistamines would help, I woke up my daughter, who suffers from allergies, and borrowed a few pills. She was horrified by my appearance. I then applied all kinds of creams to my lips and face and went back to bed. When I awoke in the morning, I discovered that my lips had grown even larger and more grotesque. I mean, they looked like Angelina Jolie’s lips on steroids! Despite the gravity of the situation, I remember thinking, “Why couldn’t I wake up with her body?”

Unable to get any work done, I whined, moaned and complained for hours until my husband finally made me go to the doctor. To my great disappointment, this is what she said: “You have a very common condition among women your age. As women get older, they require a lot more liquids and oils. You need to drink at least 10 glasses of water a day, use lip moisturizer, get enough sleep and live a healthy life style. You should also consume plenty of flax seed and omega oils, along with a variety of other nutrients that I will write down for you.”

She ended her speech with a devastating statement: “I hate to disappoint you, but this could be a chronic condition.” At the sound of that hated word, I began laughing hysterically, while the poor young dermatologist looked at me in disbelief. She was probably wondering whether to prescribe loony pills instead of creams and oils.

Walking out of her office, I called two of my best friends and announced my new “condition.” Because both of them are fabulously40, they had no problem relating or sympathizing with me. We all agreed that lip injections were not for me, and even if I thought about them in the future, this was a clear sign that I should “never go there.” They were also happy to hear that I wasn’t allergic to my husband, so they didn’t have to endure another divorce.

We agreed to meet this weekend to go shopping, but not for the lingerie, shoes or accessories. Instead, our mission is to find organic flax seeds with a kick, omega oils that taste good, vitamins that will revive us, and a good book to get us through the night -- just in case insomnia kicks in.

But, ladies of the club, would we exchange all of our conditions, symptoms and aches for the wisdom that came with them? No way! Angelina Jolie may have lips to die for, but we can kill with our looks, symptoms and knowledge.

All the best,
Yana

What a marvelous accounting of what aging can bring. But wih all its pitfalls growning old still beats the alternative....I rest in peace. OOPS, wait no, I mean I rest my case!!

Yana, excellent writing. Loved it. I can totally relate.

I just loved it when my doctor said, "At your age..." Thanks buddy! I'm only 48. Can you imagine what they'll be saying when we're in our 70s?

I keep reading articles about how boomers are going to keep the orthopedic doctors hopping for years. Since we created the physical fitness craze and have been so busy working these bodies, we are in for lots of reconstruction. I'm seeing it already at PT. There are lots of boomers there with hip and knee replacements already. One woman who is a little older than a boomer (62) just had her thrid hip replacement and her hubby has had two! They were big runners. Then the guy next to me the other day, had a knee replacement and he was in his 40s. I just hope there are enough doctors to take care of us as we retire and need care.

Yana, fantastic story! I'm just sorry it was true, but with a great sense of humor you can survive just about anything.

Hang in there, and keep sharing your stories.
Kathy

Yana,

Great recount. Now just imagine what Angelina is going to look like some day!

What a great story. Thanks for sharing it here.

My doctor (male) told me that a woman my age had more of a chance of being taken hostage by terrorists than finding a man. What a nice thing to say. I proved him wrong.

I recall having investigative examination under sedation...
One by one this "Healer" said all the same things."For a woman of ...." all through his list of results.
Now here is the rub...I see him again on Wednesday.Its six years since I saw him last so I expect more of the same..Wonder what he would say if I studied him and did a similar comparrison.(bald....in need of whatever I assess as
improvment.)
Felt like a chicken just going past its sell by date.
wish me luck for Wednesday.
Mountain Ash

What a great article! I loved it. As far as Angelina's lips, I heard that if someone licked them, they could stick her to a wall. What?

Yana, great recollection. I'm so sorry you had to go through it though. At least it wasn't an allergic reaction.

I'm hearing "chronic" come out of my doctor's mouth too. I only vowed to live with my husband for the rest of my life, not all these diseases and illnesses.

Keep the faith ladies. I am the ancient one here and I am on the go and busy all the time, feel 40, look 50 so it is not inevitable that we fall apart. Ask my mother who says: "Stay, act and be young at heart, the body follows the mind." You can't argue with a woman 87, still working a full time, stressful job and remaining a social butterfly....God Bless her heart. Thats my mom!