When I speak with battered women (this is what I do for a living) and they begin to tell me that Jesus or God will take care of them (even when they're being beaten by their spouse) it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand at attention.

I feel so many have turned Jesus into an errand boy. "Fix this! Make him stop! Help me" when the majority of the time, it has been our own doing that created the problems and we had warning signs before we did something that were really stop signs, and we ignored them! Then, we beg, plead or demand that God step in and repair the mess. He needs to come to our rescue and now! never mind that we prayed and asked for His guidance and blatantly ignored his answers.

My opinion is: He also gave us a brain and ears. We need to learn how to use both.

Isn't it good to hear someone talking sense! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I totally agree that there is a common misbelief that Jesus is some kind of magic button we need to press and WHAM! everything is alright. Life isn't like that, neither is He.

I have experienced miracles in my life and certainly believe in prayer. But God responds to my needs in His own time and requires me to make use of every gift He has given, including my brain and commonsense. In his earthly life Jesus handled the difficulties of living without calling for miracles every minute. Remember the role of Satan in the temptation in the desert?

The "magic button" image of God is an immaturity people get trapped in. It is a misconception that degrades our understanding of God and our ability to function in the world.

Now I'll get off my soapbox!

Dianne you are very insightful in your comments and I agree that all too often we pray and then sit back waiting for the Lord God to make it all better. Like when we fell down and our mothers kissed our booboo and made the hurt go away. This post reminds me of an old saying "nothing will work if you don't." Yes, it's okay to pray for guidance and help but as you said, we have eyes and ears and need to make good the guidance we receive. Heres that word FEAR cropping up once more.....

A Christian woman called me one evening, crying because her husband had left her. Now, keep in mind that he was an abuser and would lock her in the bedroom all night, not even allowing her to use the bathroom.

This is what she told me..."When we met in church and I discovered that he also sang, just like me, and we began dating, I knew that God had in mind for us to join together and start a music ministry."

She said she prayed and asked God for guidance and felt He blessed their union. However, the guy was already slapping her, throwing her around the room and calling her vile, sexual names. Now, if this isn't an answer, I don't know what is!

But, she ignored these blatant signs and jumped into marriage with this loser. In her mind, she saw this happy couple, ministering to others in song and leading the way...for others to follow? I hope not!

Did she only see an ego-related ministry...being in front of an audience? Possibly. I'm not a mind reader, I can't even read my own mind! But, she was blind to the obvious for some reason and this was a talented, well educated, beautiful woman!

Shortly after our phone conversation, someone told me she had been committed to a mental hospital with a breakdown. But it wasn't the problems in the marriage that caused it but the fact that she hadn't been able to force God to step in and intervene. Without recognizing she had caused the problem by not paying attention and ignoring horrid behavior on the guys part, she tried to turn God into the errand boy.

How much can we expect God to do when we don't listen (after asking questions and demanding answers) and just step out in what we call faith? Doesn't some brain power come with faith? We're so confused.

Well, I guess I've spouted my opinions enough for one day!

I'm not sure this is related to the subject, but...
As a result of working with abused women as a nurse, and being abused for a short time in a marriage I have a weird theory about spousal abuse.

I think women in those situations may be physiologically unable to change. One of the aspects of female hormomes is a fear of abandonment. One of the aspects of male hormones is fear of confinement. Adrenalin is secreted in response to the fear generated by both male and female hormones and adrenalin is powerful. It prepares us to either fight or flee by increasing heart rate, blood pressure, respiration and many other physical changes. It is very compelling and if suppressed, causes stress.

On top of the "fear hormones," our brains produce endorphins that make us feel wonderful for a short time then we go into withdrawal as they are withdrawn. The effects of endorphins are more powerful than morphine (which is named for them) or heroin. Addicts may take drugs to relieve the stress that results from adrenalin unrelieved by either fighting or running away which in today's world is socially unacceptable.
Great sorrow and terrible pain suppress our endorphins which is one of the reasons we feel so bad. But after being suppressed for a long time, our brains produce a huge rush of those endorphins. The rush can be a great relief of stress and cause euphoria.
Women who are abused get hooked on that endorphin rush and the whole process is complicated by the adrenalin from the fear of abandonment. They actually do things that to perpetuate the cycle of fear, abuse, and reconcilliation in order to get their drug of choice, endorphins.
They are unconsciously willing to undergo the pain of the abuse to suppress their endorphins and avoid the abandonment which terrifies them knowing that at reconcilliation they will again experience the endorphin high. The male plays into that by being repentant and is hooked on his own physiology.
Because their thinking is impaired by the morphine like endorphins, the women truly believe there will be a miracle if they can only avoid being abandonned by the male and the male believes he can avoid confinement, but still experience the security of the relationship.
On a primal level women know that theie fear of abandonment can be calmed by their own endorphins so they instigate the cycle over and over. Sometimes they don't survive.
The woman who called was possibly unable to perform realistically because all of those factors came together in her body and mind at the same time.
I'm not stating that well, but....
smile

<small>[ June 21, 2004, 05:08 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]</small>

Wow. Interesting theory. Do you mind if I copy and paste it to my website for the women there to read. I won't use your name of course. I've heard a lot of different ideas and yours is new. I thank you for sharing it.

Certainly if it would help even one woman, you may post it on your website. However, I would like to clean it up a little first and I will email it to you.
Having worked with both drug addicts and battered women at the same time, I can certainly see the similarities.
Each wants to change and neither can. Both are self destructing from the inside out. And both have the same terrified look in their eyes.
I'll edit and email to you tomorrow.
smile

Our Lord will help us when we need Him but we must do our part, also. The old saying, "Faith without works" needs to be remembered. As Christians we must do our part in making the 'miracles' happen. Faith plus action will solve almost any problem...

I agree Toni. I think God gave us a brain for a reason. TO USE.
smile

I was 21 when I first got married. I married the guy I had, "gone steady" with in high school. I had broken up with him a couple of times because of his jealousy and possessiveness. I might have been 21 when I married him but was not "world wise". I grew up on a small family farm and that was my entire world aside from high school.
My husband struck me a couple of times when he was drunk, but the first time he hit me when he was sober, about 24 months into our marriage, I threw a suitcase at him and told him to leave. I never regretted it. He begged to come back. But I had a toddler to raise and he was not going to be raised with that. Besides I was not about to live like that either.
18 years later I married the most kind and gentle man
Just thought I would put in my two cents worth.
==============================================
Calista Causey RN
Author, "Low Stress Nursing Leadership"
www.nurseandmore.com