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#9886 - 01/05/06 01:31 AM
Re: so mad-I need prayer
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Member
Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
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I'm not sure, but someone can be addicted to alcohol and not like beer. Or addicted to heroin but not like coke. Nevertheless, if this is what your husband is like, then you did not have a valid marriage in the first place. He is incapable of a covenant union. Stick to your guns, while praying for his soul.
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#9887 - 01/05/06 03:40 AM
Re: so mad-I need prayer
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Member
Registered: 08/25/05
Posts: 1052
Loc: Ohio
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Starting over, this guy is telling you what he thinks you want to hear. I know it's hard to understand, but I've dated and married guys just like that and I don't even try to understand anymore.
Daisygirl
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#9889 - 01/05/06 06:56 AM
Re: so mad-I need prayer
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Member
Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
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Startingover I guess I have less faith in the court system than others. I don't want to worry you, but some of the things that you have described might not get to the judge. If your husband has not yet been convicted of a crime, that issue may not be admissible in the divorce. And if he has, it still may be inadmissible according to what state your divorce is in.
His perversions are obvious reasons in the mind of any normal person to award every penny the man ever had or ever will have to you. But, just as the court's stalling your divorce for a year from a man who is such an obvious jerk makes no sense, neither does many of the court's decisions. I hope you are making sure your attorney has all the evidence he needs to win the case, that he has organized all the paperwork with all the i's dotted and the t's crossed and will go forward on the designated day. Try to insist that he gets your whole case heard and decided the that day if possible. And make sure he knows you are not interested in mediation. Seems like judges often wimp out to that instead of making decisions. I hope you have a good trustworthy attorney (if there is such a thing.) They often stall and complicate things in order to inflate their fees. The longer the case goes on, the more money they make. And they can get you in such a mess, it's impossible to get out without paying them more. I need prayer for being prejudiced, but being married to an attorney and hearing them talk made me so distrustful of that whole profession. I will pray for you to be filled with peace between now and then and for justice on the day you go court.
smile [ January 04, 2006, 11:01 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]
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#9890 - 01/12/06 07:38 AM
Re: so mad-I need prayer
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Member
Registered: 07/08/05
Posts: 80
Loc: Colorado
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Startingover,
Sorry i have been out of the loop and not in touch for a few weeks...my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer over Thanksgiving, and has had two strokes and a heart attack since Christmas.I've been back east with my kids trying to spend time with him and help out in general, and we are going back this weekend for more of the same. If i were any more tired i would need help breathing.
I too will be praying for you on the 6th. I agree with Dr. Karen that the level of manipulation and intimidation applied by some men is unbelievable but that it is often tantamount to posturing like a peacock, sometimes without any substance to back it up. Many of these men have no sense of decency (duh - we already knew that, or we wouldn't be in the position we are in...right?) but I have recently come to the conclusion that even more of them are so insecure with themselves that they are genuinely incapable of putting anyone's needs or situation above their own. Men like this need to win always. No matter what the consequence or level of destruction they impose on somebody else. A good friend of mine told me that ever since her divorce experience she believes that for some men parting with money for support of any kind is on a par with asking them to cut off their penis. It's all about power and their sense of masculinity, which based on what I've been reading about your husband, sounds like it's been a topic of confusion for him for some time. Be that as it may, I do agree with smilinize about getting your documents organized and being well prepared. It can't hurt, and it can only solidify your position in court.
On a personal added note about some men not being able to put anyone's needs ahead of their own: my husband is now fighting me on taking our children to see their dying grandfather (to whom they are very close) and has even expressed his insistence that they should not attend his funeral when the time comes. "Too expensive", he said. "Besides, they've already seen him one more time, and that should be enough closure for them." How do you argue with someone like that? The kids were justifiably horrified and finally angry enough with him to want to blast him for his insensitivity. Believe it or not, I was able somehow to step in and be the voice of reason (clarity in fatigue?). I told the children to calm down and try not to be offended by their dad's remarks because he is not saying this to them because he is mean or evil: it's just that he is no more able to empathize or feel any emotion than he is able to change the color of his eyes, and that is just plain sad. He just doesn't get it, and after this incident i finally realize that he never will. Neither, from the sound of things, will yours. He is too obsessed with lashing out at you for what sounds like what is a great deal of embarassment and confusion of his own, and you are simply a convenient person to take it out on. He is not a well person, and i almost feel sorry for him because he is about to lose someone he cannot even begin to appreciate.You need to do whatever is necessary to survive this divorce and move on, without being nasty and vindictive, which i believe would weaken your ability to think straight when you need to. You hang in there, girl, and know that you have the love and support of so many of us who will be thinking about you and sending the most positive of thoughts your way.
foundhervoice-atlast
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#9891 - 01/12/06 06:42 PM
Re: so mad-I need prayer
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Member
Registered: 06/03/04
Posts: 2830
Loc: Massachusetts, USA
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Starting over: just want to let you know that I continue to pray for you and your situation. Be yourself. God will lead the way.
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#9893 - 01/13/06 01:45 AM
Re: so mad-I need prayer
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Member
Registered: 06/30/05
Posts: 383
Loc: Illinois
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Organization is my middle name! My papers are organized in folders and in a briefcase which I carry in the truck of my car--so I don't get frazzled and run out the door without it! My attorney keeps commenting on how organized I am. I HAVE to be, my mind does not function under pressure. Thank you, please pray that I don't get upset in court. I cry easily or can get angry--either way my voice goes up 3 octaves and men don't listen to my voice when it goes up like that....
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