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#97356 - 12/28/06 03:02 PM
Too old not to know...
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Member
Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 10032
Loc: New York State
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Dotsie, At 25 months of age, I was too old not to be traumatized by abandonment. I knew I belonged somewhere other than where I was but I didn't know where that was. My adoptive mom tried to see how much damage my birth mom had done and she took me to Children's Hospital for physical tests, then to a shrink for emotional evaluation. I remembered my birth name from a hospital loudspeaker summons. Over the years, every woman who gave me the least bit of attention, was my imaginary real mom. NO; I didn't know for sure birth family were nearby. I felt it in my spirit. My adoptive mom never talked about it. I didn't want to hurt her, so I waited until dad and she graduated into the spirit, before I seriously searched for biological kinfolk. After I did, I wished I hadn't. The trauma was compounded. I was rejected a second time. My birth mom had abandoned all eleven of her kids, at different stages in their lives. Most of my siblings were jealous that I was adopted...and on and on it goes. Today, I have PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) but it isn't totally from that. Other issues contributed, as well. The reason I searched is because, identity is a huge thing when you're not sure who you are. I wanted to know why I was left; what had happened that my mother didn't want me. The answer was: I came from a family where four generations of women had been abused. Need I say more? Your kids, Dotsie, are probably victims of economic instability. That's different. Whatever you do, good luck!!!! Luv, BRose
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#97358 - 12/29/06 10:04 AM
Not even mom...
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Member
Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 10032
Loc: New York State
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Dear Dotsie, I don't mind questions. If there's any way I can shine some light on the child's emotional viewpoint, I'd be glad to help. In my day, the old folks were tight-lipped. My adopted folks would not talk about it. When I met my birth mom, she was extremely secretive and guilt-ridden. She said very little. She had hurt a lot of people and the ripple effect swept over hundreds of offspring. It was two weeks before Christmas '94 when I found her. At first, she wanted no part of me. The second time I went back, she said, "I've got 43 grandchildren, no more family is needed." I visited her on Tuesday. I took her groceries. I took her out to lunch. Eventually, I got her a new apartment not far from where I lived. She cottoned to having me around after a while. Most of my siblings held grudges and had nothing to do with her. I, and my "Pastor" sister, was about all she had in the end. Mom liked men. Mom liked babies. That was about all she liked. The questions that were answered, were answered by intuition and observation. Verbal communication was in short supply. But I spent my life wanting to know who I was. Now I know. And it isn't a pretty picture!!!! Ciao for now.
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#97361 - 01/03/07 09:46 AM
No secrets...
[Re: jabber]
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Member
Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 10032
Loc: New York State
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Dear Dotsie, I am so happy to hear you're open about the adoptions. I now believe, that in my case, my adoptive mom was hush, hush, because birth mom lived so near. She may've been afraid that the woman would return and take me away. But my adoptive mom kept my brother and sister's adoptions secret, too. They were from different backgrounds. And remember, that was back in the late '40S. Personal things were kept quiet, in those days. It's good to share all you know about your children's history with them. They'll respect U for that in days to come. I respect that sort of forthrightness. I think, it's human nature to wonder about one's identity. Adopted kids, have a tendency to question why they weren't wanted, even if unavoidable circumstances cropped-up. I'd like to take this opportunity to "Thank you" for starting this site. And say, "I really appreciate being allowed to vent my hurting emotions in such a caring forum." Ciao for now, B.Rose
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#97362 - 01/04/07 10:09 AM
Re: No secrets...
[Re: jabber]
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Queen of Shoes
Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
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Bonnie, I used to wish I was adopted because it would explain so much. I even ordered two copies of my birth certificate, going over them carefully, looking for clues. Didn't find any though.
_________________________
If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice. www.eadv.netBoomer Queen of Shoes
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