(Quote) Ruby, I'm glad you posted. The only thing I can say out of my own on-going experience is that we get the Christmas we plan for. In other words, whatever our focus is, that's the Christmas we make for ourselves. If we focus on it being "just another day", that's all it will be in the end.

Eagle Heart thank you for those sage words. They mean a lot to me. I understand what you are saying. When you mentioned that I should have the people around that I want my first thought was friends not family. I am beginning to know that that is OK and I don't have to feel bad that I am not happy with family. I choose my friends my disfunctional family was not a choice but can be one now or not.
I will have to decide what I want out of the season this year and make it happen.

What a challenge!

Eagle,

I have a picture of you with Baby Jesus nestled in your coif! Too, funny!

Me too, Jane! I'm happy as long He's nestled in somewhere!

Ruby, KLM, TVC and anyone else struggling through the Christmas season,
I find for myself that maintaining the energy and/or ability to hold on to that Christmas spirit is the hardest part. Something - a word, a message, a song, an experience, a white purse from eBay - comes along and strengthens my resolve to joyfully create my Christmas - and it's wonderful - and the cumulative effect is that an ongoing experience of those little things will be what (IMHO) gets us all through to the other side of Christmas.

But my reality is that the energy reserves are low, and when I hit that "empty", all "esprit" disappears with it. I realized that this morning. I just finished shopping and decorating my brother's apartment, and am thoroughly drained, so much so that I couldn't care if I ever saw another bulb or ball. But I know that those feelings are temporary and completely related/caused by my low energy (and I'm willing to bet from numerous past experiences over the last year that my WBC is also elevated this morning; we've been able to make a direct correlation between that sudden and drastic drop in energy and an elevated WBC - but no explanation for it yet).

Anyway, I wonder if that's something we have to keep in mind. Our grief, our sadness, whatever it is that we carry with us into these holidays, WILL affect our energy level, and our energy level (or lack thereof) WILL affect our spirit and ability to respond to the Christmas bustle and hustle.

Maybe one of the secrets for us is to really simplify that hustle and bustle for ourselves. Do everything we can to minimize the energy drain and just do the simplest and easiest that will surround us with the colour and twinkle of the season but not drain us in the process.

Me? I'm going to get hubby to help me decorate the living room next week. Normally I do it myself, because I like everything where I like it. But this year, I'm going to put less out and let him help more. And maybe I'll wait another week or two before putting up the tree. One thing, one day at a time.

Christmas holidays can be tough for me b/c I'm not always included with family events, even though my local family live all w/in 1 hour of each other.

My mother chooses the company of other women over her own daughters (I've discussed this in another topic). My father does not acknowledge our birthdays nor did he call us at Thanksgiving (he lives in OK w/ my paternal family). He comes first, b/4 anyone, regardless. My mother says I'm selfish when it comes to spending monen on others, wonder where I get that trait! Hmmm! I watch the $$$ and only spend about $25 each on my siblings and thier children each, I also buy the children savings bonds and shall hold them until I think they are ready to use the $$$ appropriately. NONE of my siblings have given me a simple Christmas card nor present in I don't know how many years. They do not acknowledge my birthday nor during holidays unless I've been invited. Why? I'm the one who spoke up about the abuse. Also, my mother says I'm the oldest, not to worry about me, whatever that means. Oh, and I'm selfish.

NO, I do not want sympathy, that's simply how it is. I cannot change these people.

I, too, allow my anger to cover for life's hurts, which keeps me in the past -- the Ghost of Christmas Past visits. I'm not contact my family regarding Christmas plans, if they contact me fine, otherwise I'll be hurt if I count on their promises only to be left behind. I can use the time to relax, catch up on reading and watch the movies I've missed. I can also get up early on the 26th and shop the sales!

Grrr. Hubby just came over to join my brother and I for supper. He just told me that he mentioned to his daughter about our long-term plans to change Christmas, starting with going away somewhere next year. Right away she invited herself along and hubby agreed. That's definitely not what I had in mind. When I say I need a complete break, I mean a COMPLETE break.

But I'm forcing myself to take a deep breath and shelve this (it's a whole year away!) and just deal with THIS Christmas.

What? Eagle, that's unbelievable! How could she invite herself along? Did hubby not get what you had in mind? Mustang, I wish I had some words of consolation for you. This doesn't help you at all, but it's not uncommon for the one who broke the silence to be the one who bears the brunt of the further "abuse" by the uncaring family. Mustang, do you feel like you have to send presents to siblings who don't acknowledge you? This time of year can bring about a lot of pressure, to say the least.

Mustang Gal, like Lynnie, I wonder why you continue to buy presents for those that don't even give you the time of day. Give yourself a present, instead of unthankful people. What about a wellness weekend? Maybe if you stop being so good to them, they'll notice you more, and make an effort to change their ways. But really…do you need those kind of people in your life? It doesn't matter if they are relatives or not. There are people in this world who would appreciate you. I say, seek others, and allow yourself to be loved.
Maybe you can get a second vacation out of this Eagle Heart; one with and one without the daughter. ( It's Hubby's fault )

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