Chatty, I like that...I enjoy my own company. That's great! Not everyone does enjoy themselves. That shows you are content with who you are! You go girl!

Chatty:
He does have many good qualities and I'm sure many wished our husband would be as helpful as he is. Isn't it great also that he supports your writing so much?

Although I understand the reasons why so many decide to stay together, I believe the main reason for a marriage should be love and commitment to each other.

It does seem odd to me that he won't mention to his friends that you are divorced. Why? Maybe it doesn't make any sense to him to mention it, since you guys are still together anyway!

And I'm glad that you mention that you enjoy your company! I do enjoy mine too!

Blessings!

It's been a while since anyone posted to this thread but I just ran across it this morning and wanted (needed) to respond.

I work with battered women. Most of them stay in horrible marriages or relationships because of what they claim is security. To their mind, the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know so they make the choice to live with the devil himself. That and, they are at greater risk when they do leave thus, shelters.

I think we all make decisions in our life for different reasons and money is the main one as far as I can see with my limited eyesight. Fear is behind that though. Fear of the unknown. I've found this isn't just a problem for abused women but females in general. I think it was put into us at an early age and especially if we're baby boomers. And, I think men suffer from it as well. I know my father would have divorced my mother years ago if it wasn't for the fear of going to hell (more on that at a later date)

Financial worries can be really scary. I've been there. I've also looked into the eyes of a madman who was threatening to kill me so I'll choose the financial worries any old day!

Of equal importance though is insurance benefits. Who can afford them in this day and age and who can afford to be without them? Not only marriages but I think a lot of us have stayed in jobs we detest because of the benefits alone. Something, no doubt, that can lead to some serious depression and the need for Prozac in 50-gallon drums! It seems that our society and the greed in large companies has caused us some major problems that prohibit us from making the choices we'd really like to make!

So, I'll shut up now.

[ June 20, 2004, 06:43 PM: Message edited by: Dianne ]

Seems like life is just a trapeze act and we're all afraid to fly. Huddled on an overloaded perch we hang on as it falls rather than take the swing when it comes our way. Some of us have taken the swing and we dangle mid air afraid to turn loose to grasp the next swing to fly to the safety of the perch on the other side. I wonder how trapeze artists over come their fear. They say the first thing they learn is to fall.

In the past I so clearly fit into the group huddled on the perch. Now I have grabbed the swing and am afraid to turn loose to grab the next. Oh well...
Onward.
smile

Sorry, I think I went off the deep end there. Must have grabbed the wrong swing.

[ June 20, 2004, 11:00 AM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

Dianne, some great thoughts. Fear of the unknown can be debilitating and is oftent he reason for never taking the needed next step.

Sounds crazy but I had the fear of not being able to learn the computer and it was keeping me from taking a part time job that I so desperately wanted. By the grace of God, I tackled the darn thing and did everything I could to overcome that fear. Now I couldn't do my work without it. God is good. He gave me the confidence and told me I could do anything through him. I trusted and held on.

Smile, you grabbed that swing and remarried. What are you talking about? Is it the swing of submitting that's got a hold on you?

FEAR is defined as "emotion caused by expectation of evil, danger; awe; dread."

We are all paralized in some way by fear. The above posts mention some of the most prevelant fears. I find myself wondering what this world would be like without fear or the conditions it causes....think about it!

Hey, I grabbed this marriage swing off of which I've fallen several times. That took about all the guts I've got, but now I'm flying.

In the past some of the times I've fallen from the marriage swing have been when I reached out for that career swing and grasped it. The marriage swing flew away. I guess I'm afraid to fly without a net any more.

Reminds me of a funny story. Before I married Dan, my daughter and I were talking about a guy I had dated off and on for a while who was just always available. My daughter said, "Mom I think he's just your safety net."
I said, "Well, everybody needs a safety net."
Becky shook her head, "Not you Mom. You're not even off the ground."

Sometimes she's too sharp for me.
smile

[ June 20, 2004, 11:29 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

Moving out of our comfort zone...isn't this one of the big mid-life challenges??

It's funny, my husband and I don't seem to be able to make any big decisions at the moment - I think we are just too tired - but when I suggested to him he was just "too comfortable" with the status quo he was offended. Maybe men are more attached to their achievements whereas women like change?

In the book, Somebody Moved My Cheese, there is a question:

What would I do if I wasn't afraid?

It's amazing what we can do if we remove that element.

How true. Simple example...when I was flying to Madison a couple weeks ago my connecting flight was an hour late arriving due to storms!

In additon to that, when we got in the air (and mind you, I don't like flying without my family, and they were all safely on the ground at home) the pilot announced that the flight would be at least a half hour late arriving at our destination becasue of all the storms in the area. Thank you very much. He proceeded to share that he wanted us to stay seated and keep our seat belts on.

This has happened before and one time I was sitting next to my daughter and very quietly hiding my fear when she said to me, "Mom, I know you're scared and that's why you're holding my hand".

Anyway, fear wrapped me like a blanket. My thighs started shaking and I imagined the plane crashing with every little turbulent. I have been on planes that felt like flying dumbo, but this was much worse.

I was praying and pleading with God...and then I got the brilliant idea to pick up my book and take my mind off the fear.

I promise you it worked immediately. I startd devouring the book I was reading and before I knew it we were landing safely on the groud.

I know we've talked about fear in other forums, but this the kind of terror wasn't just mental, it became physical...my thighs were shaking uncontrollably,remember?

I believe God planted the thought to pick up my book and leave the fear behind. It worked like a dream!

I will remember this when fear starts wrapping me in other areas of my life.

Onward without fear!