My dear, dear friend has found out her DH of 15 years is having an affair.

This friend,"C", is very faithful and is staying. But, she has bad days of course.

Her DH has not asked her to leave. It seems C has lost her sex drive (has had a hyst and taken off her HRT years ago since it interferes with other meds she's on.

She's recently asked her Dr. to put her back on to try to save the marriage in hopes her DH comes back. He works out of town a lot but still comes home to my very faithful, obedient friend. She tells him she loves him when he calls (she says the hardest thing to do), but she has not heard from the Lord to leave.

She and I pray for her DH AND the harlot.

If you have survived an affair, I'd love to offer some ideas for my friend.

Thanks.

You are calling this cheating slime ball her DH which I assume means Dear Husband while calling the harlot, a harlot and deservedly so I'm sure. BUT get real it tales two in an affair not just the other woman. One can survive and swallow their pride because thats what it takes but she will never feel safe again nor trust him, no matter what he says or does. It takes some women longer to realize, once a scoundrel, always a scoundrel.

My first marriage didn't survive an affair. Once the trust was gone, the love wasn't far behind. When a person falls out of love with someone, it's hard to go back. SOmething changes in a person when they seek solace outside their marriage. They no longer believe that their partner can provide them with what they need. Is it all about sex with this man? Sex does not a marriage make. Sex does not define who we are. If a marriage is based on sex, it's not on very solid footing.

Chatty's right. This husband is not blameless in his affair. It's not just the other woman's (harlot) fault. He strayed for a reason. Is your friend blaming his straying on herself? Does she think that if she had sex more often with her husband that he'd not have had sex with the other woman? I don't buy this.

Marriage is an agreement that two people stick together, through good and bad. She had a hysterectomy. So what. That doesn't mean she's no longer a viable part of their marriage. The husband should not be able to get away with that as an excuse.

I've had a hysterectomy and an oopherectomy. (first was my uterus, second was my ovaries). It burns me to no end that men can use that as an excuse to cheat on their wives. And, even more so, that women will let them get away with it, because they think it's all their fault! Baloney.

You tell your friend that she should seek reputable counseling not just for this current situation, but also for her self esteem and well being. She needs to understand that she should not let her husband treat her like this. She's doesn't deserve it.

And, if possible, she and her husband should seek marriage counseling. They need some help defining what a successful marriage is all about.

Whew. Off my soapbox now. Touchy subject.

I know of a couple marriages where the male had an affair. One survived, only to have it happen again. The other marriage is over.

I think it's possible, but I believe only with lots of honest marriage counseling.

Where is your friend getting support? I hope she is...

She is seeking God's face and is willing to forgive him IF he stops. She left him once some years back (due to his abusiveness toward her....verbal only) but she went back. She felt God telling her not to leave.

She is praying for him and her. This friend is a living testimony to us all. If this marriage survives, she says she will forgive. ALL have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God. WE ALL sin!

She has had tests to see if she's gotten any disease. Hope she is ok.

My marriage did not survive an affair, and each party (my ex and the 'mistress') have each divorced again in their new marriages (to new partners). Additionally, any marriage where an affair has occured that I'm personally aware of, did not last. At the minimum chance it did, often times the wronged person lived either knowning and unwilling to challenge, or lived in oblivion.

My friend is totally trusting in God on this one. She's told him (her husband) he's broken her heart. Who am I to question God in counseling her? She'll know if/when it's time to go.

I have known of marriages that have survived affairs. Only it was the woman who had an affair. Also know of one where the husband was in homosexual affairs and the wife continued to pray for him....he was saved and they now enjoy a 'normal' life with fine young children.

I believe there is hope for everyone.

Di, I belive your friend is making a big mistake and she needs to read Dr. James Dodson's "Love Must Be Tough"( I think that's the title). In this book he explains how men think and that when we roll over and not make them lose what they have thrown away, they will not come back. They have to LOSE before they realize they have made a big mistake.

My #1 husband cheated and I did the same thing. I never made him lose me until it was too late. After we divorced, and I was emotionally, physically, spiritually gone, he wanted me back - but it was too late. If I had kept him away (and kept my self respect in the process) maybe my marriage would have stayed in tact - - - Naw, probably not. But I do believe in Dr. Dobson's theory.

<<She left him once some years back (due to his abusiveness toward her....verbal only) but she went back. She felt God telling her not to leave. >>

I don't mean to sound flippant, but I think she misunderstood God's message. WHY would God tell her to stay in an abusive marriage??? God wants the best for each of us. And just because it was "verbal" instead of "physical" makes no difference - abuse is abuse!!

I feel very sorry for her - she deserves better than this man has to offer.

Again, she is trusting God. She has to be the one who has the "peace that passes all understanding". I've never walked in her shoes, so I cannot really say I "Know" how she feels.

Our God reigns.