I will see my friend today and update later. She was on premarin to try to help her "issues", but decided to stop since he said he will not leave this other woman. So my friend says she'll get back on them if her spouse says he'll leave the other woman.

The sad thing: my friend has many health issues and needs medical attention often. She cannot afford to be on her own. The spouse has a great retirement coming up in less than a year. HOwever, she has applied for SSI so maybe if she can get it soon, she can divorce.

But I hate hearing the word "Divorce". I am so upset for her. She's bent over backwards for this guy; serves him hand/foot, has a spotless house. They have no kids, btw, together. He has three and she has one...all married w/kids.

My friend is a wonderful example of a Christian wife. She is so sweet and kind. The spouse is self-centered, not very intelligent and obviously does not remember the words in their vows 'be faithful to you'. HE BROKE THOSE VOWS.

But he does have a long line of horrible stuff before they married. Raped a girl, married a few times....and his mother/sister are basket cases and think he would never do THIS to his wife.

GIVE ME A BREAK!!!

Di, your friend should be able to get some of her soon to be x's retirement, depending on the state they live in and how long they've been married. She needs to look out for herself and her future at this point.

Your friend needs to meet Mr. Lawyer.

JJ

Said a mouthful JJ. Di, she knows this guy is a moraless jerk so she best get a lawyer that is his match and make sure her needs are taken care of. Theres a time to be sweet and loving and a time to be rough and tough. I just hate this kind of male (he's not a man), makes me feel sick to my stomach for her pain.

I am admiring my friend for doing what the Lord is telling her to do. She is having great opportunity to witness to him. She says that God has NOT told her to leave, and she will not.

Thankfully she has close friends who are not carnal minded and are loving her/praying with her thru this. We are not telling her to leave; we are advising her to pray, seek God's face, concern herself about her own relationship with the Lord since she cannot change the husband.

The WORLD says to leave; God says to love and be faithful, even if the husband is not faithful.

My friend has obtain that "peace that passes all understanding". We must do what others shake their heads at. We must shine; we must work toward hearing others say "now THAT's different".

Her spouse even told her that any other woman would leave. Even he is shocked. That is what we want. To be set apart for Jesus.

My friend has offered to send extra food w/her husband for him AND the woman. That is how my friend is. The husband is paying for food for this woman so my friend wants to help save his money.

yes, I know what all you ladies are thinking. But we MUST be different. We can all think we know what to do, but in the end, my friend is the one who will hear from the Lord what to do.

How are WE? Nothing!!!

Again, please refer back to my orig. question: If you have SURVIVED an affair, please reply.

My friend shared with me today that the thing that would hurt the worse is if her husband dies without the hope of salvation and heaven.

Actually the Bible says that divorce is okay when there is infidelity.

Yes, correct. It does say that. But it does not say you MUST divorce.

Yes, we survived an affair. It was difficult but we did it.

I believe the most significant factor to our being able to survive was that my husband went on the "Walk to Emmaus" a weekend retreat that completely re-centered his life. It was highly emotional and probably very difficult, but I highly recommend Emmaus to those who have lost their way.

Struggling, I went on the Emmaus Walk also and can see how it changed your husband's heart.

That's why I originally recommended Dr. Dodson's book, because he believes that the way to change a cheating man's heart is to leave them, emotionally and physically. When they realize what they have lost, then sometimes they will see the light and change their ways.

My x LOVED the fact that 2 women were after him - he ate it up. As soon as I dumped him, he wanted me back.