Money, finances in general are one of the major reasons women stay put with their abusers. Remember most of the women are so beaten down if not physically, them mentally that they are afraid they are not good or smart enough to make it on their own, especially when children are involved. My own mother stayed until we four kids were grown and on our own before leaving my father and she worked the whole time they were married...

And I also think "failure" is another reason women stay. They do not want to admit to their outside family members they've made a mistake. Maybe they've been married before and ANOTHER one would be unforgivable (in their minds). Maybe too, their religion doesn't believe in divorce. And finally, the loss of hope. If you lose hope, you just exist.

my friend, still, is concentrating on seeing the good in him. Jesus did. He covered our sins with His blood. She wants to love the unlovely.

I suggest she see the good in him from a distance!
The other side of the country might be far enough.
Sorry my opinion, but this women is scared to be on her own for whatever reason, most likely financial. She needs her friends to be there for her and help her to get some self respect and leave. He will never learn any lessons if she stays. Doesn't she realize by staying she is helping him to continue to be an adulterer. It's called enabling. By her leaving and setting a good example, he may just learn something. Doubtful, but possible.
Kate

Di, I am sorry too, but I think you would do your friend more help if you told her you could not support this kind of abuse. Anne327 is right, she needs professionals to guide her and help show her the light. She is in danger, someone has to help her, and not just stand by what she is doing now. This is way too serious a situation to try and mend her way.

Dotsies BIL leaving his wife is so far the fourth marriage I heard of breaking up now. I wonder if holiday stress pushes an already shakey relationship over the edge...how sad!

Sorry i've been away...been busy with soaping!

Anyway, the update is that they are working on saving the marriage. He took a job nearer to home so he cannot see this other woman anymore.

My friend told him that he must communicate to her his needs instead of seeking it elsewhere.

please continue to pray for them.

Well, it sounds like he is doing proactive things to keep the marriage going. I hope it works out well for your friend. Moneywise, I was not too worried about my income, but I hated with a passion the thought that some little upstart would be wined and dined by my husband using money that he was earning but should have been spending on me!! How childish is that!! I have worked full time when I would rather have been home more, and so a lot of my thinking was about and around not giving up what I had worked hard to get.....does that make sense???

Makes you wonder, what ever happened to "for better or for worse."
My heart goes out to her. There is always some woman out there ready to comfort a guy who thinks he is love starved. Just because your friend had a medical problem doesn't or shouldn't make her undesirable.
One thing I've discovered through my whole ordeal with my husband is that marriages that are rooted in years of dealing with life together and steeped in good memories have a much better chance for survival than those whose roots are shallow.
They might try going to base 1 once again and taking baby steps to each other. She might try something new and different about herself and he might appreciate it and they turn away from the past and completely forget about it and step toward eachother one baby step at a time without regression or dredging up the past.
The Ho is a person too. She is obviously desperate and has her own baggage.
Maybe your friend could just tend to her own garden without desperation or fear of losing the guy and he will either come back whole heartedly or not but at least her garden will be beautiful and desirable and a place someone more deserving will want to dwell in forever and not look around for more.