Just wanted to let you know that my son is out of jail. Things are going ok although I just picked him up on Sunday morning.
He has stacks of paper with lots of plans and I'm just trying to keep him focused. He has changed quite a bit in that he never wants to go to jail again. The horrible time he had in there was a good and bad thing. He doesn't seem negative about it though and said it had to happen for him to get it. These are early days yet and he will be with me for two weeks then off to treatment. The good thing is the first two to three weeks after getting out are usually not bad. He has been in jail before but only for a month. This time it was a year. Getting him to treatment a.s.a.p is the main thing. He doesn't have to go but says he wants to so that is a positive thing. Thanks for all your concern and prayers. I will keep you posted for sure.
The other wonderful thing is that he has made a connection with my youngest son who really didn't want to see him. They are getting on like a house on fire. I am sooooo happy about this as it is healing for both of them.
katebc

I'm so happy to hear this. I'll be keeping all of you in my thoughts. Praying too.

Kate what about a halfway house where he will get guidance and counseling from professonals. I would definitely make going to drug rehab a part of his release, if he messes up, he goes right back to jail. You have been tyere fior him time and again NOW its his turn to PROVE to you and everyone he means what he says. Good intentions and a quarter won't get him a ride on the bus. I will pray that he has finally grown up and knows its worse inside jail than outside....

So happy your family is united again, Kate, and that your sons are getting along so well. I think Chatty has some good advice there. Just go on the safe side. It wouldn't hurt to take extra precautions, so that your son won't go back to his old ways.

Going to treatment is not in any order from court. My son has done his time and basically has no conditions. He is going to treatment voluntarily. It's a 10 week program. After that he is going to a half way type house where he can live in a supportive place to keep him on the right track, help him get a job, finish his high school, learn life skills etc. He has slipped up many times before but a year in jail has made a big difference. He had a horrible time in there, was beat up a few times and a guy tried to have sex with him after trying to be his friend. Lots of other yucky stuff. A parents worse nightmare and his unfortunately. The difference with me this time is I'm letting him OWN his choices. If he messes up again it's his mess. I hope not but I'm stepping back from the situation. I used to be too involved and then he would blame me when things didn't work out. I have learned alot since he has been in custody. I've cut the ties in some ways but will still be there for him when he needs me, just not in an enabling way. After treatment he knows that he cannot come home to live. It's time for him to be responsible and move forward. I have two other young teens to parent. Thank God they are good kids, never been in any trouble and have great friends. I don'think I'd be able to take it if I had to go through the drug addiction scene again. I don't have it in me. It's been nine years of pain with my eldest.
Katebc

Katebcca,

Sounds like he has grown up a lot. I'm glad he wants treatment this time. Just remember to take care of yourself during all of this!

Kate, sounds like his year in jail helped your growth too. You are smart to let him take the reigns. My prayer is that he follows through with treatment and is able to get a job shortly thereafter. I am so proud of you for making it through that rough year too. May God shower you and your family with more blessings this Thanksgiving!

I have a dear friend whose son is in jail. He's been in about amontha nd also has a year. Any suggestions for her?

Hi Dotsie,
I'm sorry, I don't have any suggestions for your friend whose son is in jail, other than to move on with her life. Sounds harsh but he made the choice and we as parents can not help them once they are in jail. They have to find out the hard way. It's really sad and can eat you up if you don't get some perspective. I have been dealing with an acting out drug addicted son since age 13. At age 15 he got into hard drugs and has been in and out of jail ever since. Usually for short stays. As a mother it is really hard not to worry while they are in there. Jail is a horrible place. If your strong and mix well you should be ok. My son is very skinny due to drug use and isolated himself so he got picked on many times.
I'm sorry to say that his good behaviour was short lived. He was high last night but I didn't say anything because I had no proof. After work today I came home and he had left his MSN on. There were things that he wrote that confirmed what I had thought. He was arranging to meet up with a friend to go drinking and buy drugs. This morning he was in a really foul mood and started yelling at me because I didn't wake him up. I now believe he was high last night. So now that I know, what should I do? I also found out that he has not set treatment up. He says he will on November 22 because he wants to get two welfare cheques so he can buy stuff. Not sensible stuff though, an IPOD and toys. He has not changed much. The addiction is just too strong. If he had received help and counselling in jail he may be better but all he did was sit in a cell watching TV. He said he will never get involved with crime again. I guess jail taught him that, but the drugs and alcohol are still too tempting for him. I am crushed, but I can't say I didn't half expect it.
Hi Dad lives close by and I phoned him and told him what's going on. He never takes my son and has a lousy relationship with him but I think I should tell my son that he has to stay somewhere else now. Either his Dad's or a friends. His Dad was an alcoholic and knows what addiction is all about so he sympathizes with him but never does anything for him. Now that I know what he is up to I just want him out.
What do you think?
Kate

Kate-
I am so sorry. I think you have to hold him accountable for his actions and let him know your disappointment in his choices. And then I think I would give him his consequence. It sounds like he has had many many chances to make it right and keeps going back. I live with a recovering alcoholic.In my mind, it is all the same - just a different drug of choice. Its time for some tough love. Unfortunately, they have to hit their bottom, and even tho he was in jail, it sounds like he still has not hit. My heart aches for you. It will take strength to follow thru. Do you have anyone you can talk to? Maybe you need someone who can help you stay strong.I will keep you in my prayers.

Kate, I am so sorry to hear your news. I think crafty is right. Be strong and tell him he must leave. The thought of him ruining your home life again sickens me. It's so unfair. I'm praying you get the help you need to be strong and follow through. I know how draining this can be for you. I've witnessed my friend going through all her ups and downs, and they all revolve around what's going on with her addicted son. Please know we are cheering for you and want you to remain healthy.