Cathi, I'm so sorry that you've spent so many years with such a selfish man but I understand that a woman has to do what doesn't make her life worse. It's all in the timing.

A woman needs to keep important papers hidden, maybe at a friend's house. Her birth certificate along with her children's, ss cards, school papers, insurance cards, anything that she will need if she picks up and leaves quickly. Think of what she would need to start over in a new place.

Also, some men will charge a woman with kidnapping if she takes the children out of state so it's good to check with an atty about the correct way to do it. A woman can change her identity along with her ss number but that is usually in severe cases.

I always try to find a support group for a victim to attend and call 1-800-799-SAFE for a shelter near her area. Or, if she can afford it, a good counselor that will guide her.

If we try to help a woman, we must be sure that we are not putting our own lives in danger. If an abuser is violent, he might come looking for us too so we have to be very careful.

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Also, some men will charge a woman with kidnapping if she takes the children out of state so it's good to check with an atty about the correct way to do it.

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That was my problem exactly, except in VA it is if I left the house and took Sofia. When he couldn't manipulate Sofia into staying with him, BTW I think he did that so he can get away with not paying child support. Anyway, I went to an attorney and he refused to sign the separation agreement. I pretty much had to give everything away in order to get out of there. My attorney worked for a law firm that was for women only. Their compassion was overwhelming (sarcasm). First of all they were extremely expensive, and I used practically most of my nest egg to pay the retaining fee. Then they did a lousy job. The lawyer kept encouraging me to fight and go to court if I had to. Well, of course that meant more money in their pockets if it went that far. Plus it was possible I would've had to stay in the same house for a year. I just couldn't do that at the time.

Anyway, thanks Dianne for the input as to what to do. This is really helpful incase I ever find myself in a situation of trying to help a women of DV.

I think I am going to start another thread on the full story of what happened to me and why I left him when the circumstances were totally wrong. I don't want to highjack this thread.

I love you alot Dianne!

Cheers,
Cathi

And we love you too, Cathi. In my book, you are totally brave. Your heart said do what is in the best interest of Sofia. I am just hurting for you and your situation. I pray that you find the peace you so richly deserve.

JJ

Love you too, Cathi. Feel free to post in this thread. This is about abusive relationships and fits right in. I'm just happy that you feel free to open up and share because I know it really helps.

I'm leaving for the airport in an hour and will not be here until a day or two. So, you gals have a great week end and enjoy yourselves as I'm going to do, kissing and hugging that new baby! I can't wait.

Have a wonderful time, I hope all is well with the little bundle of joy!

Love and Cheers,
Cathi

Dianne, please know we are thinking about you and praying for you and your family.

GROUP HUG - GROUP HUG - GROUP HUG. A quick shout out to EVERYONE posting on this thread...we should ALL be proud of ourselves, proud of each other, and proud of what Dianne has done in writing this book and posting so often this month. There is strength in numbers and it's important to know we are not alone in the journey of surviving DV. Years ago this issue wasn't addressed at all, and while the stigma of shame and blame is often still attached, there is a hope and healing that can only occur when we realize we are not alone. When women (like us) allow ourselves to be transparant and vulnerable, amazing things happen! My heart aches to hear the pain so many have experienced, yet it also rejoices that lives have been changed and are continuing to change. Have a blessed day, everyone!

Welcome Allison and please stay around and look and join in. We need women such as yourself who appreciate being a woman and says so....

Hello from beautiful and warm Arizona. My grandson and Missy are home and I have to say he's simply perfect. Doesn't look like ET or Truman Capote but a perfectly formed baby with a ton of hair. I think I'm in love!

All of this labor and delivery brought back a not-so-nice memory. When I was in labor with my second child I was very relaxed and practicing the breathing my doctor had taught me, which made my husband believe I wasn't really in labor at all. He stood over me while I was sitting on the sofa and lit a cigarette and dropped the burning match on my leg. When I jumped up out of pain, he decided I wasn't really in labor or wouldn't be able to move like that. The things we tolerate blows me away. But, as I've mentioned on here before, today he has a brain tumor so what goes around...

Strange how I had forgotten that and it's so wonderful to see my son so excited and kicking in to help out with the baby and household chores and happily so. He managed to get two extra days off work so he could help her. We're all enjoying our time together, as we should.

Thank you, Allison for your very kind and wise words. I'm so glad to have you a part of this wonderful group of ladies.

Congrats Dianne,
Thank you for sharing this miracle with us all. It just warms my heart to hear about this child!