I want to go back to something Dianne said a few posts back. (I will see if I can figure out how to add a quote).

I have always been aware of the fact that I am not a traditional, natural beauty. My ex picked up on my insecurities right away about this. For almost 10 years, he let me know that I was ugly (I know that is a great exaggeration, by the way). It took me years afterwards to begin believing that I was cute and not the hideous creature he made me think I was.

Last night I had a dream that someone, again, was letting me know that I was not beautiful. It is strange how these thoughts continue to haunt.

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HI Dianne
I want to share an incident that happened to me recently.My husband, son and I were talking. My sons best friend went to visit his girlfriend at college. I asked does he stay in a hotel? My son said he stays in the dorm. I said in the dorm. He said yes. and I said in the dorm room with his girlfriend and my son said yes. I said his is allowed in the drom room. My son said yes if he is escorted up. My husband jumped off his chair and came over to me and yelled at the top of his lungs what don't you understand I understand what he said and how many times do you have to keep asking the same question. I yelled back he called me a bitch and I yelled back and picked up my lunch bag and started to swing at him. i swung but didn't hit him. He said I will not speak to you the rest of the week-end and if you ever do that again I will divorce you. He has not spoken and has walked around the house with a scowl on his face. All he is going to see is I almost hit him. He isnot going to see his yelling at me caused me to become angry and hurt and made me feel that I was stupid. It will be all my fault. His has done this to me before. I dont know how to handle this and I dont know what do to. Margie

All of you are such a blessing to me. Your willingness to open up and share to not only help yourself, but others who might be reading this thread.

Margie, I see a lot of childishness in your husband. For him to overreact in this way is alarming and especially in front of another person. I would find a good counselor and go (by yourself) and explore why you are tolerating his bad behavior. In the end, it's about us and what we accept or don't accept. It will help you define yourself and your boundaries. But, nobody should have to live in those circumstances...ever!

JJ, it sounds to me like the hub was cheating on you and almost trying to force you into a divorce. That way, you had to take a stand and he didn't. You're the bad guy for divorcing him. Can you say, chicken?

Dee, I was trying to tell my husband about your story and kept breaking down and crying. It was just too emotional for me to talk about. This doesn't happen with me very often so it shows how important your words are and the impact they carry.

Ms. Anno! I've met you in person and you are NOT ugly! You're quite beautiful and your personality makes you even more lovely. These abusers--they do anything they can to make a woman feel bad about herself. I used to tell my ex how handsome I thought he was. One day I told him I didn't feel that way anymore since I had gotten to know the inside of him. He was astounded and started yelling about how I had always remarked on his looks. He couldn't believe I would say that and shoved me out of the house. It was okay for him to say negative things about my looks but he couldn't take it when I did the same thing.

I've often thought about writing a small book on women who have endured many forms of abuse and how they escaped and healed. Might be a project in the future, from reading the stories here.

Gosh, I hope I responded to everyone. I'll go back and check, just in case. I sure do love you gals.

Donna, I almost titled my book: Walking on Eggshells or Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop. I know that feeling. My dad was what they call a "rager." It kept me nervous all the time just waiting for his next outburst. It was an awful way to live so I can understand what you are saying and...how happy am I that you are out of that mess!!!!

Margie, when an animal is cornered he will bite too. When words won't help you any further, then its instinctive to lash out like you did. You just swung at him? Geez look at all the old TV programs where women threw dishes at their husbands! He can be glad you didn't swing something worse than a lunch bag at him.
As for the silent treatment and his pouting; just go about your business as usual. Call friends, laugh a lot and have a great time. I'd think that is the best way to show him that his childish behavior is ridiculous.
If I'm wrong, Dianne, please correct me.
Hannelore

You know how women say their husband 'dumped them'? Well one day mine actually did it. He drive me out into the desert and stopped the car, said open the door and get the package out of the trunk. I got out to get it and he drove away, laughing. There was nothing as far as the eye could see but sand and cactus. I waited by the side of the road and it was getting dark so I started walking and in the distance saw lights, nope not him, it was a trucker in an 18 wheeler. He seemed okay and so I took a ride, thank God he wasn't some killer. I didn't have much choice because at night there are coyotes that run in packs out there and they aren't friendly. The guy drove me close to town and then gave me $20.00 for a cab at the truck stop. I got a cab and went home, he wasn't there. He got back several hours later and was more than a bit shocked not to find me when he went back after thinking I had been punished enough. I never did tell him how I got home. That was the last time I ever rode in a car with the creep.

People do what works for them. So, if his silence doesn't bother you, he might stop acting like a child. One problem is trying to live with someone who does this. The yelling and getting in your face, that's not something to ignore. It's scary and I'd be afraid the physical abuse might start some day if he doesn't get a grip. Life is just too short to live like that.

Chatty, what a horrible thing to do and since when does a grown woman need to be taught a lesson?

Dianne, you can also correct me if my thinking is wrong, but I believe Margie's hubby reacting the way he did signifies he has "other" issues with her and it had nothing to do with the situation. It was a way for him to lash out at her because he is not happy. He just used that occassion to hurt her; to make her feel bad about herself.

Margie, I don't mean to talk about the situation as though you aren't here, but was just directing it to Dianne to get feedback. Just as my hubby was silent to me, and never wanted to be involved in my life, AND he used the silence to drive me away, I think your hubby may use these outburst to do the same thing. TO MAKE YOU REACT and this way he isn't the heavy, he can blame YOU for things falling apart.

Just my perspective. JJ

We have to remember that abuse is about control so I'd say he's using verbal abuse to control her. Yeah, he has some serious issues, that's for sure. But, if we accept their bad behavior, it's a clear sign that they can continue with it.

I worked with a woman years ago who had a husband that talked to her terribly. Called her horrible names, etc. but she didn't want to leave him. I sent her to a great therapist and she started telling him that his actions were abusive and she wasn't going to tolerate it anymore and if he didn't like it, he could get out! He stopped and today, they have a great marriage.

We always need to stop questioning why these men do what they do and ask ourselves why we put up with it. That's where we find the truth and freedom.

I want to address warning signs. I have some listed in my book but some of my beliefs have changed since writing it. Today, I believe that all women are different and what might serve as a warning sign to one, won't be for another.

This is why listening to our inner voice is so important. It will tell us when something isn't right with a man but a lot of us ignore it. We think we can change him, love will lead the way, blah, blah, blah. Why would we date a man who needs to be changed in any form? Dogs are trained, men aren't.

One warning sign is a man who is too nice. Agrees to everything you say. That isn't natural and a sure sign that he's trying to trap you. He's not showing his true nature.

Also, gifts on a first day are a warning sign for me. He's hiding behind the gift so you won't take too close of a look at him. It's his covering. Most women see flowers on a first date as being romantic. I see it completely different.