Anno, I appreciate your willingness to open up about this. Being in an abusive relationship of any kind is a shame-based life and even after we've left we still have what I call, a residue of shame. It's almost on a cellular level. I believe our cells absorb a lot of negative emotions.

Today, I don't even like the word survivor because it says I survived this man who beat me with his fists and his words and I feel this gives him too much power. I like the word, thriver. I've moved on so far beyond him and what he did.

It will taint how you act and think but I feel it's a protection so you won't go through it again. There is nothing wrong with that either. And, if you feel you give too much in this current relationship it could very well be that you are just a giving person. But, if it takes away from the real you and what you want for yourself and you don't feel it's appreciated, just back off and see what happens.

After we've left an abusive relationship, it causes us to doubt our decision-making skills. "How could I have allowed someone to control me like that?" The truth is, these guys are very good at what they do and it's slow starting and we don't even know it's happening. Then, it escalates before we know it. Then, we feel trapped and we are in a way. Trapped in our fears of the unknown so we stay with what we know. It's difficult to pull up roots and start over. The abuser knows this too. They are very sly.

How do I feel today? Empowered, free, happy and brave.