Back in '99, I was in the process of relocating to another state. Since losing my only sibling in '90, it was obvious that I had to sit down with my parents and make plans for the future. I insisted that they get the legal stuff in order - power of attorney, medical power of attorney - first and foremost.

Dad had a heart attack about a year after I moved. Mother was in the early stages of alzheimer's. Caring long distance consumed my life for the next 5 years. Dotsie, the book you refered to is excellent. I also recommend working with the local Counsel on Aging. They are a great source of information about what is available in your county.

Initially, we hired someone to "clean" once a week. She actually was a trained nurse assistant - and did some cleaning as a side job. She could keep an eye on what was going on - little changes in thier habits, etc. I also worked closely with their doctor. I would call him prior to their office visits and let him know my concerns. He would follow up with a call back if necessary. I know there are privacy issues and some doctors won't reveal any information to anyone, but thankfully, this one did. I was very grateful for that.

Eventually, as their health deteriorated (alzheimer's, breast cancer, stroke) we had to have 24 hour care. We moved back home and for the last 2 years of their lives, it was one challenge after another. Our caregivers did keep an journal - which was actually for the caregivers to track what happened throughout the day. But, it was also a great tool to take along for doctor visits because they were so detailed - blood pressure readings, medications, diet, etc. Right down to bathing, sleeping and mood changes.

It's a job that I never asked for - but if you love your parents - you're there for them as they were for you. Dad passed in March '05 and Mother followed in August. Her alzheimer's was a blessing in that she never knew that the love of her life was gone. I do believe that she knew at some level (she cried a lot) - they would have been married 67 years if they had both lived until August.

I swore that I would write a book when it was over - just because you feel so lost while you're in the midst of it all. It is truly all consuming.