Cynthy,
It's always hardest at night, I know. And like Dotsie said, there are no distractions, unfortunately. Try to remember the funny moments, the jokes, the good times, happy memories. I remember trying to get through the first few months, with so many images in my head I really did not want to think about. There were many nights, I just wanted to be unconscious and not think at all. Sleep can be elusive however. There are many nights of prayer and crying yourself to sleep, that goes with the territory, I'm afraid. But don't despair, and just know that we're all praying for you. We understand. Keep reading those books and maybe try journaling. That's what helped me a great deal, recording everything I was feeling and thinking. You're not going to get over this, but you can work your way through it and we'll help. I know you're feeling lonely, but we're here; consider yourself hugged.