msdiana, your writing is good and real and should be published. Your children already see the larger picture, even if they lack specific details. I don't think the book will embarrass them any more than his coldness already has. As far as your husband being humiliated -- he'll just lie and charm his way through any questions from colleagues, and blame it all on you. Which is why it's good if you're physically not there.

The man is a black hole and will suck you in if you let him. By trying to fix the problem, you're being sucked into the vortex. Your husband doesn't want to be fixed. For whatever reason, he feels empowered by being cold and manipulating others. You're trying too hard and bending over backwards to accommodate him, and that's what the game is about. Logic doesn't work. Compassion doesn't work. Your getting out and moving on with your life is the only thing that will work, and that's for you, not him.

You're a strong woman, and will be even stronger when you remove the dead weight you've been carrying all these years.

Best of luck. Know that we are all behind you.

the more i read these responses (doings so over and over helps) the more i think it's not enough to be separated...the term "dead weight" is so applicable...

I have to admit that I feel that being separated is the recourse we take when being afraid of the finality of a divorce. I have always said and adhered to the rather naughty saying, "S--t or get off the pot!" You can nor will you ever get on with your life still being attached to this man. I use this observation for all women and men. Just do it already and get on with your lives.