Diana, I haven't checked the posts in about a week but the more you write the more you sound a lot like what I have been through. you say he doesn't hit, yet youa re living in a state of controlled fear. He controls you by continually having outbursts, so you look for ways to appease him at every turn, he controls you by not being intimate with you so you look for ways to be intimate on any other level--none of which are truly intimate but it's where he wants to be. He controls you by changing your environment by moving the family every so many years, it may seem like it because of work, etc but deep down I think it's to control you, keep you dependent on him, keep you from making deep meaningful friendships, etc.

Have you ever thought about these things from that perspective? I couldn't until I was away from my husband, now I just grieve that I lost so many years--not even realizing...it's like I was living in a spider's web.