Thank you so much ladies! I hadn't thought about the fiction angle. That would give me a lot more wiggle room. The bank account idea, also good. Such great feedback, thank you.

The older two know. They asked one night after my husband had left -- furious that I had hired someone to fix something instead of waiting for him to do it. I did wait several weeks. He took his tools with him, convinced I would let someone else touch them. The kids had already been turned away from him before when they would try to hug him. That he was so protective of his tools but wanted so little to do with us was not lost on them.
My daughter had suggested in the form of a question that if he was like that around people, what then must he be like in private.

I'm going to mull over these ideas, see what crops up.

Thank you again everyone.
Diana