I just had a thought. Judith Sherven is our relationship expert with the NABBW. Her latest book has to do with couples getting married. Let me find the link fro you because I bet she addresses this in her book.

Okay, Google, Judith Sherven Wedding Book and you will see a couple of her sites. This book may be helpful. Just a thought!

Oh, and they usually offer freebies on their sites and hold teleseminars.

WOW. I just read this thread for the first time today. What a mess. How far away is the wedding?

I agree with several others that your daughter is torn. Her loyalties are with her future husband now and the more that she sees the families torn apart, the more likely she is to move closer to his side. This is tragic.

It sounds like your daughter is caught up in the now - can't see the forest for the trees - and has forgotten what it is she wants for herself and her future. Is there anyway that you (or someone a bit removed from the situation) could try and illicit (?) from her what it is she wants life to look like in the future? Maybe then she could see how this marriage fits or doesn't fit with that bigger picture.

God bless you, your husband and your daughter.

Hello again Ladies-
I need some input. There has not been much interaction between us and our daughter since the last talk we had. In fact, we were at a family party and there were less than 5 words exchanged. Not that I didn't try.
But here is the issue I would like some thoughts on...she sent me an email asking for her birth certificate and telling me that she is going to be measured for her dress and some other things. This email sounded to me like she was talking to an acquaintance, not her mom. She asked me if I want to be there with her. I wrote an email back to her stating that yes I want to be there and in fact I would love to do more. I told her how much this is hurting and breaking my heart. And how this should be one of the happiest times of our lives and has turned into a mess. The question is this - I really don't know if I should send it. I am really trying not to react and allow the evil one in. So I really don't know what to do. Any thoughts?

Cathy,
My heart goes out to you. I can understand and feel what you are going through. The tragedy is that that usually your own children aren't aware of your pain, or worse just don't care.
I'm one who writes down my thoughts when they are running full power. I have learned, though, it's best to sleep a night before sending them. I've saved myself lots of trouble that way. Let your daughter wait a day (no harm in that), and reread your mail as if you were a stranger to the situation. Try to put yourself in your daughters place, and see how she would read it. I'm a very emotional person, and my husband has taught me that the fewer the words; the better it's said.
Yes, of course go and help your daughter. It gives you a good chance to bond again. When with her, just be carefree and happy,…and try not to bring up any problems. Believe me, that will make you the winner between you and MIL.
Hannelore

Cathy, Hannelore is right. I would just tell her I'd love to be there and not mention the rift between you and then, go and enjoy the time with her.

I too agree with Hannelore and Dianne. I would send a happy cheery email that you would love to be there to help with her dress or whatever she needs help with. PERIOD!! No more and no less. Leave it up to her to start any negative conversations but then stand your ground and remember, this to will eventually pass. I am still praying for you. I am praying for so many now that I have to do some in the morning, some in the afternoon and some at night.

Hi Cathy,

I agree with the ladies. When you go to the dress fitting, try to keep it light and fun if you can. I know she's hurt you but try not to show your negative feelings about her fiance'. My daughter was in a relationship with a guy for four years and they fought constantly and belittled each other. This guy really knew how to push her buttons. I couldn't stand hearing it. I worried that if they ever got married it would end up in domestic violence and I'm talking both abusing the other! But, whenever I tried talking to her about it, she would get defensive and angry. So, finally I decided that she wasn't going to listen to me so I kept quiet, although, when they starting fighting at our house, I'd tell them to leave. Finally, she came home one day and said she'd broken up with him because of the very reasons I had talked to her about. I never said - I told you so - I just breathed a sigh of relief.

Hopefully, your daughter will come to her senses on her own.

Hope this helps.

Thank you ladies, I know you are right. I returned the email and simply said that I wanted to be there for her measuring and to work out some of the details(of the dress). Period! It does help to think about it and to "talk" to someone before making a stupid mistake that I would end up being sorry for. Thank you for your kind thoughts and prayers. I will keep you updated.

craft, when is the meeting? Also, how ironic that you and your hubby mentor young marrieds at your church. Didn't I read that in another post? This must be so hard for all of you.