I can't wait to see pictures. This is one huge wedding.

Help - Please!
I think I am having panic attacks over this wedding. I just don't know what to do anymore. I have tried being Christian and giving the in-laws the benefit of the doubt - only to get kicked once again.
Today, my dtr and I planned on going shopping for wedding things. I was looking forward to it. We have been getting along very well and the holidays really went well. Then - BAM!!! Dtr came this am and asked me whats going on and what I have against her future inlaws. I told her that I have nothing against them. She said his Mom felt I was leaving her out and she wanted to be included in the shower plans. SO, earlier tonight, she took me over to their house to talk about what I thought was plans for the shower. I tell you I felt like I was being interrugated. What is the hall like, what food will you have, what kind of cake, can I bring my own food (YES she asked this)... and on and on. Oh and she wants to bring her own food in. And was I sure all that was decided upon was included....what do I look like a turnip that just fell off the truck??? It was then explained to me that she wants her family and friends to have a good time and then they will give a good gift. She AGAIN told me that if I loved my dtr I will give her a nice day. I want to vomit.... I tried to explain to this woman that I only have so much $$ to spend and I cannot spend more than that. I tell you these people aquate love with how much you spend or give. She wants to see the hall and talk to the manager to make sure that what I say is what I am getting. I was so upset by the time I came home, my hubby went into a rage. Now I had him to deal with. I just want to go and jump off a bridge. He ended up yelling at me for allowing these people to walk all over me. He thinks they want to take over and hand me the bill in the end. I was trying not to think of them that way - but I think he is right....in his own way. I am thinking I am going to go and cancel this shower. At the risk of disappointment to my dtr, I don't think I can do this. Anyone out there got any great advise???? I could sure use some.

Does she cross streets alot?
Hmmmm, I'm pondering.

Cathy, I think this amounts to two choices.

Either comply, but ONLY if the inlaws pay 50% of the costs.
Or
You pay…but then you have 100% say.
Let the in laws decide. That way you are out of the clinch.

I know it's hard if your husband is so angry about this too. You are
sandwiched in the middle. Just lay these alternatives on the table,
and don't allow yourself to get pulled into any discussions.

Keep us posted!

Cathy, I am going to say the thing I am sure everyone is thinking, its the answer you know is right and we have given this advice from the beginning. DO WHAT YOU CAN DO, STAND FIRM, TO HELL WITH THE IN-LAWS they are never going to change and be cordial no matter what you do. No if's, and's or but's about it....Your daughter has apparently been hypnotized by her love of her fiancee, and/or her greed. She's lucky I'm not her mother. If that hateful MIL isn't happy with your shower, hall or food, tell her to have her own for her friends and that way your daughter can have two and get even more gifts. If you allow her and them to bully you now imagine what the future holds. I am so sorry for your troubles but the answer is still that we are treated the way we allow ourselves to be treated. Get tough and earn some respect! I rarely agree with a man BUT this time I will, your husband is absolutely correct and he's the one you need to agree with on this not those miserable muches....HUGS

When people in our family get married there are several showers. Each family has one, friends throw one, co-workers, whatever. My point is that each family has one...and the crazy thing is that we usually invite people from the new family too, meaning you would invite the Mom and her immediate family and maybe a dear friend, close sister, whatever. Then she in turn has a shower for her family and friends and includes you, etc.

Might you be able to suggest that you have two showers?

I think that's a good compromise.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. You know your limits both personally and financially. Stick to them.

Thanks ladies - I guess I am a very needy person and just need to know I am doing the right thing. I am so afraid of losing my daughter. But I guess thats the chance I will have to take. I know what I need to do. Please keep me in your prayers.

Oh Chatty, you sure did say what was exactly on my mind too!

How old is your daughter Craftyone? She sounds that she is as immature as the groom. She needs a backbone to stand up to her inlaws or she is in big trouble in the future.

I say separate showers too. Do not apologize to anyone about what you can or cannot do financially. This is your husbands and your decision alone...not even your daughter's. Don't ask for any money from the inlaws, just continue with what you planned and tell them that you would have no objection to them throwing another shower. And if you don't get invited...well, so what.

I am glad my Italian family is nothing like what you describe with your daughter's inlaws. Get ready for these same problems for years to come. After the wedding there will probably be a baby shower, christenings, birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. Good Luck...you have your hands full. Be strong and listen to your husband. He is right.

You know what I think? Any child that elopes does his/her family a huge gigantic favour.

I never heard of a bride getting so many bridal showers! Do the same guests give presents at the wedding as well? In Germany the couple gets their presents at the wedding, and that's it. Seems like those marriage vows are put in the background, and the materialistic things take over!

I say, let the couple struggle and build their own life. Gee, didn't most of us do it that way? I mean how many silver serving bowls can a household stand!

Ha! Me mean old lady. Cathy, you can copy this post and show it to your daughter. Tell her how lucky she is…she could have someone like me as her mother!

When I got married, I had one shower from my side of the family, one from my husband's side, and one from my work friends. The key folks (my mom, groom's mom, maid of honor) were invited to all.

But then, I had a tiny wedding with just a maid of honor and a best man. And the reception was in the garage of my in-laws home. And we all peeled carrots and made carrot sticks, celery sticks, dip, chips, etc for the reception. Top class, huh?

But we're still together 30 years later....

Kathy