I read this earlier today and stepped back from it a bit and then came back. It bothers me for you. Although I don't have any wisdom to offer, I can tell you what I WOULD DO.

If it were my daughter, then I would be calling the shots. Language barrier or not, I would very nicely, but very adamantly state that NO, that did not suit me, and we would NOT be doing this. I would say YES to what I wanted to agree to, and an absolute NO to the things I did not.

Emotional blackmail would not work with me, and between this woman and others, isn't this what it amounts to? They are playing on your emotions, because it IS an emotional time.

I believe in this. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. And they better understand it from the get-go. It would NOT be taken away from me. First and foremost, I would have a talk with my daughter and explain what you COULD and COULD NOT, or WOULD NOT do. End of story. Anything else they wanted to do, so be it. They would be on their own.

Secondly, I would tell the other woman that you do not agree with the "surprise" and if she insist on doing it, two things would happen. She would be footing the bill, AND you would be informing you daughter. TAKE BACK CONTROL. It's YOUR daughter and you have every right to voice your opinion.

I not saying that you should go in and bulldoze the place and everybody in your path. But TELL THEM how you feel and what you WILL and WON'T do before it is too late and then YOU have built up all of this resentment. This special day would be ruined for you ... Don't let that happen.

I wish you the very best in figuring this all out!

JJ