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#83403 - 07/22/06 08:08 PM
Re: A private question
[Re: chatty lady]
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Queen of Shoes
Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
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He knows grief. He talked about what he went through when his mother passed. But, he doesn't open up very often. I mean, we were out to dinner with some people one evening and he shared two stories. One about being marooned (sp) on a little island with two fishing buddies for four days and then, being picked up by some foreign coast guard and being thrown into their prison until their identity could be proven and how their id had been on the boat when the anchor broke and all their families had been notified that they were probably dead. I mean, he never even told me that story! And another one about being bit by a rattlesnake. To him, it wasn't that important or interesting and that's why he never shared it with me.
His picture is next to the word, logical, in the dictionary. He's a good guy. A very good guy but sometimes, I just get frustrated with him. I guess I just can't take him into my female world because he doesn't understand. To his way of thinking, you just look at everything from a logical standpoint and that's it. Me, I'm nothing but emotions and proud of it.
_________________________
If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice. www.eadv.netBoomer Queen of Shoes
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#83404 - 07/23/06 02:00 AM
Re: A private question
[Re: Dianne]
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member
Registered: 07/08/06
Posts: 123
Loc: Wiltshire, UK
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Sounds to me like you are two halves of one coin Dianne!
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#83405 - 07/23/06 02:55 AM
Re: A private question
[Re: positiveliving]
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The Divine Ms M
Registered: 07/07/03
Posts: 4894
Loc: Orange County, California
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My husband claims to be supportive of me, but on many levels he "doesn't get it." He doesn't read poetry at all, and didn't even want to come to my inauguration because "it's about poetry, isn't it?" He hasn't read any of my cancer essays, and doesn't want to. He doesn't get creativity, he doesn't get passion, and doesn't get wanting to share with other people. Luckily, I have a good in-person critique group and a lot of supportive friends. If anything, I come to BWS to support others.
Now as to my jewelry -- he gets that it makes money, so he's happy when I'm beading and selling my work. He attends most but not all craft shows with me. He drives, he helps load and unload my 500-lb. set-up, and he's fairly good with customers. He's stated a bunch of times, that if he didn't help me with the set-up, I'd probably leave him because that's all I think he's good for. Many days, that's about correct.
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#83406 - 07/23/06 09:27 AM
Re: A private question
[Re: meredithbead]
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Queen of Shoes
Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
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My hub knew I was writing but didn't question it too much. Probably thought I was passing time or something. When I was accepted for publication, he showed happiness but never read my manuscript until the hard copy was on the kitchen counter, waiting to be mailed to the publisher the next day. He sat up and read it until 2 AM. Did he give it glowing reviews. Absolutely not!
Meredith, I would never want my hub to be anywhere near when I give a talk. It would make me nervous and probably make him nervous too. He has been with me when I've received awards but that's because I made him go. He's proud of me but I'm not sure he's proud of my work and I'm fine with that. He just doesn't understand dv and most people don't. That's why we have more animal shelters than shelters for battered women in our country.
If I'm having an issue with one of my kids I have to tell him, "This is emotional so just listen for a minute." I warn him so he doesn't get that look in his eyes.
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If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice. www.eadv.netBoomer Queen of Shoes
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#83407 - 07/23/06 10:37 PM
Re: A private question
[Re: Dianne]
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Member
Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 3503
Loc: Colorado
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Dianne, it isn't you. You already said it. Most people don't understand DV.
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#83408 - 07/25/06 05:35 PM
Re: A private question
[Re: Princess Lenora]
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Queen of Shoes
Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
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I posted a long response and it disappeared. Most of my response from before the site crashed, are gone.
_________________________
If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice. www.eadv.netBoomer Queen of Shoes
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#83410 - 07/26/06 11:07 AM
Re: A private question
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Member
Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 789
Loc: Aptos, California
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When I work with people in relationships I often see frustration with partners who can't meet another person's need for one thing or another. Whether the relationship can survive depends on how important that need is and if it can be safely met outside the relationship. Each of us is along a path towards spiritual growth. It's a continuum. If we can love the other person for where he/she is and get our needs met, more growth will occur. If we can't, it's another problem.
My ex- is an alcoholic, smokes and is way over weight. Needless to say, our sex life went down the tubes. I happen to need sex in my life. Well, you can see where that all goes.
My current husband is a sweety, but not much of a striver. He works hard, but isn't the entrepreneur I am. Sometimes it's frustrating. He also doesn't talk about spiritually very much and there's some definite emotional walls. Fortunately, there's so much good going on, that I can love him as he is and get those needs met elsewhere -- safely.
Peace
PS: Dotsie, after 20+ years in the tech world, I know this stuff happens. At UPS we lost our whole tracking system one time because someone forgot to change a line of code. That brought a lot of heat until we fixed it!
_________________________
Casey Dawes Wise Woman Shining Supporting women business owners to step into their power as business leaders.
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#83411 - 07/26/06 11:17 AM
Re: A private question
[Re: Princess Lenora]
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Member
Registered: 06/30/05
Posts: 383
Loc: Illinois
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Diane, when I was married I also stopped sharing my writing with my husband. Although he was supportive in theory, it was only supportive from the angle that it might provide income. My writing, my voice itself was not supported.
I have found that I only share my writing with a few select people in the beginning simply because it is so easy for one well meaning but wrong remark to 'kill my baby' before its had time to grow and mature enough to stand on its own.
It's hard when we can't share that deepest part of ourselves with the one we should be able to share anything with. But perhaps, with time he will be able to come back to you to discuss this. Perhaps he is uncomfortable because you are waiting for his reaction in the moment. Perhaps he needs time to process what you've written and wants to bring you a thought out supportive measured response.... ?
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