Ok, if ya'll are too old to be Boomers, then I will be the "baby" boomer of the bunch...I turned 45 last week.

I am a something...I lost my fiance 8 years ago next week to a car accident just before giving birth to our daughter. We were not yet married but in my heart the lack of a licence didn't change the way I felt after the accident. Compound that by being 37 and pregnant with 2 teenaged sons at home also. (Oh and did I mention a jerk of an ex husband?)

About 18 months after losing him I met a wonderful man who loves me and my daughter as if she were his own. We have been together for nearly 7 years now. In February of this year while preparing to have his gallbladder out, they found that he has stomach cancer. We have been seeing doctor after doctor and have had every test known to man. Yesterday we finished 28 chemo and radiation treatments. We have 3 weeks to wait before they test him again to see if those treatments did any good. Two weeks after that, we meet with the doctors to see what the next game plan is.

I dont know if I am ready (I have proven that I am capable) to be alone again should things not work out with the treatments. This last weekend was the worst. When he gets severely dehydrated he becomes agitated and verbally abusive. Any attempts to help him are met with verbal jabs and insults. I know that it is a physical condition that causes this, he is the most gentle man in the world, but it still hurts when he gets like this. The only thing that helps is getting him IV fluids.

We travel 67 miles a day for his treatments on top of the 40 miles that I drive going to and from work. A typical day consists of getting our daughter on the bus, I leave for work, I come home from work 7 hours later, meet the bus, get him up and moving, back in the truck for at least an hour's drive to the hospital. Then IF they are on time with his treatment, that takes at least 30 minutes and then another hour home. Once at home, I have to figure out what we are going to eat (my daughter and I) and argue with him about what he is not going to eat that night. Try to wash clothes, run the dishwasher, get the kid in the shower and to bed and touch base with the rest of the family is done in the hour or so after we get home and then I fall on to the couch to start this all again at 7:15 the next morning. No wonder I have lost 22 pounds in the past few weeks!!!

Sorry this is so long, I am not asking for sympathy. Just know that prayer is what is sustaining me and has gotten me through tough times before. HE will see me through again.