It's been one year exactly since my mom died, and not only having to contend with that, but my 23 yo daughter is at grad school out in California. My almost 20 year old son is a freshman at college in another state, also. So...everything has hit at once - at least when my daughter was an undergrad, I had my mother to speak with everyday, and my son was a senior in high school. My daughter would come home every few weeks, and life was good. My mother passes away, and my daughter decides she HAS to go to grad school 3000 miles away - nope, schools around here not good enough. Just when I needed her the most, she leaves. Then my son goes. I'm in the throes of menopause, diagnosed with T-2 diabetes a year ago, and I'm in such a funk. At times, I welcome the quiet, and other times, I'm at such loose ends. My husband and I, alone again for the first time in 23 years, are trying to reconnect as adults, again.
I'd love for someone to tell me that "this too shall pass", and I won't resent my daughter for wanting to relocate to the West Coast permanently.

AbbyK, sorry to hear you have so much going on at once.

The one thing I might mention is that your daughter is not moving away to get away from you and leave you stranded. She is doing what comes naturally for someone her age.

I have a child considering the possiblilites of school in CA and I'm in MD. I hear ya about the distance. But I figure they have to do what they want to do to carry on with their life plans.

And that's what you need to do too!

Perhaps instead of looking at this as such a difficult time, you can look at it as a new beginning.

What did you and your hubby enjoy doing BK (before kids)?

What have you been waiting to do for yourself all the years you were raising kids?

Anything that gets you jazzed is what you should try to focus on.

This will pass, but it will take time and action on your part.

I have suffered through the death of Mom too. I know time is healing that wound. It's been five years.

As far as speaking to your Mom every day...do you have a friend, sister, cousin to call on?

Life sounds a little lonely for you right now. I'll pray you begin looking at ways to fill in the loneliness.

Then, in September, will you can back and cheer me on when my two high school seniors (the two youngest) leave for college. That's when I'm going to need the kick in the pants!

Stick around. Read our site. Visit NABBW anad read some of those articles. We'll get you through this.

Thanks Dotsie,

You've given me some great advice. Today I had a good day - upbeat and fun. It's a rollercoaster - some days good, many days - sad and yes, I, too, feel I'm suffering from loneliness. You know you spend your children's lives trying to bring them up to be responsible and independent, and don't they just go and do that!!!

This is especially true for those of us who chose to stay home. We don't have another passion to focus our thougths on so we have to create one. It can be rather fun. That's how this site was launched, and www.nabbw.com. All in preparation for the empty nest.

Who knows what God has in store for you!

May I say count your blessings?

I never had children (but had the dream of them), my mother is deceased for nearly 31 years now.

So, may I say to think about the blessings of having children to, at least, talk to on the phone. One day they'll be better at communicating w/you as I have with Dad. It took a while, but I still need him at age 48.

Plus, it's wonderful that you and DH are working on re-connecting. Many are divorced and have NO ONE!

[ April 10, 2006, 12:58 PM: Message edited by: Di ]

Di,
You are so right. It is difficult, but life seems so much easier when we view things in perspective. We can focus on what we do not have and the losses in our lives, or we can focus on the gifts we have been given and the joy of being who we are.

I hope you can see that in your life as well. God designed us all different so together we make up His body. It's not always easy, but we should rejoice in that difference. (I Corninthians chapter 12).

smile

Hi, AbbyK. You really have a lot of major life changes going on. I agree with everything Dotsie said. I went through a bunch of major changes recently, too, and some days it seemed like nothing would ever seem "normal" again.

A few months ago I started scrapbooking. I am now passionate about it - for me it brings back all kinds of good memories, some sad ones, but it fills in gaps and shows me what I've accomplished and experienced over the last 35 years or so. I actually think it's therapeutic (theraputic?) as well as constructive - you finally get those boxes of pictures out and organized! I met a couple of people who love doing it, too - we get together once or twice a month and spend the whole day chatting and completing pages, we have lunch - think about it!
Dreamer

Hi. New here, but wow, I'm finding so many threads and forums that hit home. My mother died at the end of 2004, then DD #2 moved out when she got married October 2005 and now DD#3 has just left for college. The only child left at home is the boy and he doesn't talk much....(or if he does, it's rehashed routines from Comedy Central, most of which I don't get - guess you had to be there). And besides, my son is a high school senior and sometimes the only evidence he still lives here is the dirty socks and the missing bologna.

Like Dreamer, I have gotten into scrapbooking. In fact, I pretty much wrangled all my siblings into working on a 'family heritage' book for our children and future grandchildren that gives our parents' geneology with pictures and stories. We finished our Dad's book in June and are beginning work on our Mom's book this month. Not only has working on these books been interesting and a way to remember our folks, but it has been the opportunity to spend time with my siblings. Even though we live near to each other, we're all so busy we don't get together except at holidays. To me, it seems the best way to honor our parents' memory is to stay close to each other.

At any rate, whether you can do it with your siblings or not, a 'family history' scrapbook is a wonderful project.

dejavu, my nest is gradually emptying for the first time this fall. One of the activities I look forward to is getting all the family pictures organized. Seems I was very good at it when the kids were little, then they started getting shoved in boxes. I'm don't industrious enough to tackle the whole family memory idea yet, but it's a great one.

Please visit www.biographicadocs.com. You might enjoy seeing what this company does to preserve family stores. My youngest son interned with them making videos.

DeJaVu I had to laugh out loud with your comment on you son and the dirty socks and missing balogna, which brought back memories of my own two sons...before they married and moved away.